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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

FB husband can see everything I post even to people he is not friends with

46 replies

measles64 · 07/02/2017 17:56

It is really irritating me now, if I comment on a post to a friend he is not friends with he sees it and says things like you should not have said that. I never see posts he makes to his friends, nor would I tell him off. It is really getting to me at times. How can he see everything I type.

OP posts:
ShowMePotatoSalad · 07/02/2017 17:57

Why is he monitoring your comments? That's very controlling, as is saying you shouldn't have said something. He's not the boss of you.

needmymouthsewnup · 07/02/2017 18:00

Your friends need to increase their security settings. He can only see them if they don't have their settings locked down. His friends must have tighter security settings.

Damselindestress · 07/02/2017 18:00

Sometimes Facebook will show me things my friends have commented on in my feed but that doesn't explain how he knows every time, are you sure he doesn't have the password for your account and is checking it that way? His behaviour is controlling and worrying, he shouldn't be telling you what to say!

OnionKnight · 07/02/2017 18:02

It's probably because the friends posts are public or set to friends of friends.

Luciferthethird · 07/02/2017 18:02

My mum told me the other day she gets a notification every single time i like something or comment on something i didn't know this but we think its something to do with me being a "close friend"

Original poster
measles64 · 07/02/2017 18:02

No he does not have access to my account nor the password, he does it when he is sitting on the other chair on his own account. I just am baffled and annoyed. I blocked him once and he went ballistic.

OP posts:
Damselindestress · 07/02/2017 18:03

Yeah you're mentioning some real red flags there. He is being controlling and losing his temper when you try and escape that control. That's not normal.

pineapplesplit · 07/02/2017 18:07

different people will have different privacy settings on their posts so every post you comment on may be different. Its down to the person who makes the original post. If its set to their friends only then he would only be able to see if he were friends with them. if its set to public he will be able to see and it may even come up in the side of his news feed.
Thats not the issue tho really is it. Its why your husband thinks its okay to 'tell you off' for comments he doesnt agree with. Its really controlling.
I see everything my husband writes on facebook as we have mostlt the same friends but even if i didnt quite agree with something he said id never call him up on it. Unless it was a political debate or something and it was someone we both knew who started it, i might also add what i thought to it. But id never bring it up in real life in a negative manner! Hes a separate person to me with his own relationships with friends and family to navigate. Its not up to me to police what he says. I think your partner needs reminding that you are a separate individual!!

RandyMagnum2 · 07/02/2017 18:07

Facebook will occasionally show up my friends posts to other people I don't even know, in my news feed, it's really annoying.

I don't really need to know that my friend is going over to see someone else I don't know, all because they've posted it on their friends wall instead of just sending a message.

ImperialBlether · 07/02/2017 18:08

Do you think he's logging in as you sometimes?

Fairylea · 07/02/2017 18:09

Your friends profiles must be public, so when you are commenting on their posts your comments are public and will appear on your husbands profile as "xx commented on this..."

Saying that, he sounds like a controlling arse.

pineapplesplit · 07/02/2017 18:09

and yes id block him until he sorted his attitude out.

SecretNutellaFix · 07/02/2017 18:09

Are you both using laptops/ computers as opposed to phone/tablet?

Magzmarsh · 07/02/2017 18:10

I'd be blocking him again, he sounds controlling 😕

Tootsiepops · 07/02/2017 18:12

You can give him restricted access to your posts etc. But, I agree with others - fb isn't really the issue here. Your husband is a control freak.

Original poster
measles64 · 07/02/2017 18:13

I use a laptop he uses his phone. We do have an unusual surname and are business people, so his argument is that I am bringing the family name up in a way he does not approve of. I have my privacy settings set to the max.

OP posts:
hoddtastic · 07/02/2017 18:13

why are you blocking him? I don't post publicly anything onto facebook that I wouldn't want any old tom dick and harry reading.

If you can't speak in front of him you have more problems than your security settings.

Megatherium · 07/02/2017 18:15

If you can't see his posts I take it that means he is blocking you. Therefore if goes ballistic at you blocking him, tell him to stop being such a hypocrite.

As he's so precious about his family name, I'd strongly suggest you revert immediately to your maiden name.

AnyFucker · 07/02/2017 18:17

Define "ballistic"

PollytheDolly · 07/02/2017 18:17

Tell him to wind his neck in or you'll block him again.

PerryCoxHair · 07/02/2017 18:18

Your husband is a dick.

PerryCoxHair · 07/02/2017 18:18

Commenting on fb is the least of your marital issues.

NerrSnerr · 07/02/2017 18:20

It sounds like your friends posts are public. FB isn't the issue though is it? He has honestly gone ballistic? Unless you're being racist, sexist, a complete arse to others he has no right to have a go at what you put on FB.

Fidelia · 07/02/2017 18:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EmeraldScorn · 07/02/2017 18:21

Block him, let him go ballistic - It's creepy that he feels the need to scold/criticise you like you're a teenager.