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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

FB husband can see everything I post even to people he is not friends with

46 replies

measles64 · 07/02/2017 17:56

It is really irritating me now, if I comment on a post to a friend he is not friends with he sees it and says things like you should not have said that. I never see posts he makes to his friends, nor would I tell him off. It is really getting to me at times. How can he see everything I type.

OP posts:

empirerecordsrocked · 07/02/2017 18:21

He sounds like a dick. What sort of things are you commenting on? If it's a hard core porn thing or something then maybe he would have a slight point but otherwise no, not normal.

Original poster

measles64 · 07/02/2017 18:23

I do not see his posts on his friends who are not mine. We are different in a political sense.

OP posts:

honeyroar · 07/02/2017 18:26

Block him, if he goes crazy tell him that you've blocked him because of his stalking, controlling behaviour. And unless he stops wittering on about his family name you will change it, by divorcing him.

ellalouise123 · 07/02/2017 18:27

Then he's probably blocked you? Or all his friends have really high privacy settings.

I would block him, then when he asks why you've blocked him, tell him it's because of the way he speaks to you when he does see you've posted something. If he still goes 'ballistic' then yeah, what other people have said, i'm afraid you have bigger issues. Unless you're being racist/abusive or whatever then I don't understand why he's so bothered about what you're writing.

IneedmoreLemonPledge · 07/02/2017 18:27

My STBEXH had a go at me about a Facebook post.

I was enjoying myself at a friends BBQ, in their family home. And we let the kids stay up till 2am playing in the garden.

Got home the next day and he threw it right in my face. Reading on Facebook that I was partying all night as a middle aged woman, and not acting as a responsible mother, while he was grafting.

He had to work overnight in his part time security guards job. I'd just finished working a 60 odd hour week.

I blocked him immediately and kept it on until our marriage limped to the exit door.

I'd just block him. You know you can edit your posts though right? Click the little drop down arrow and you can select him as someone not able to read an individual post. Also you can chose just friends, and not friends of friends.

Allthebestnamesareused · 07/02/2017 18:31

Yes - how fabulous that Facebook has decided that if one of our friends likes something now on one of their friend's thread (even if not a mutual thread) we get to see that post too and what they liked. I sometimes comment before I realise it is someone I don't even knows post.

I don't necessarily think he is stalking his wife. If I saw my Dh make a comment that I thought was a bit "ooer" I might say do you think that was ok?

harderandharder2breathe · 07/02/2017 18:33

FB isn't the problem. Your husbands nasty and controlling behaviour is.

pinkunicornsarefluffy · 07/02/2017 18:33

When I didn't want XH's family to see my posts I set them all as "acquaintance" then posted everything to "friends but not acquaintances" . It meant they stayed on as friends but didn't get to see my posts, as they were telling XH everything I put on there.

MagicChicken · 07/02/2017 18:38

That keeps happening to me as well All and I am getting really pissed off with it. I have got to the point where I have stopped status updates altogether and I'm barely even liking or commenting on other people's posts now, because of this.

NerrSnerr · 07/02/2017 18:43

I would be angry if my husband was posting Britain's First stuff or equivalent (but I wouldn't marry a racist so it wouldn't happen). I would take my business elsewhere if I thought it was run by a racist (and If I saw someone's spouse post stuff like that I'd assume they thought the same). If it's not anything offensive then he's being an arse.

Fidelia · 07/02/2017 19:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

measles64 · 07/02/2017 21:04

I got told off for posting when it was suggested gp`s should open in the evenings as well as all day, that my friend a gp would never see her children if she had to work evenings. I also got told off when I was discussing Thai politics with a Thai friend. I think it is public groups that he can see me posting on.

OP posts:

glitterazi · 07/02/2017 21:32

It's nothing to do with blocking. If OP's dh had blocked her, it would be like she wasn't on FB at all to him - he wouldn't be able to see any of her stuff at all and vice versa.
I know what you mean, OP. You go to comment on a page, or on a friend's status.
Depending on what their privacy settings are like, he will be able to see the stuff too even if he isn't friends with them.
I regularly comment all kinds of stuff. I get my mum dropping into conversation things about stuff she's seen me post on FB and I know for certain she's never even met them, let alone virtual friends with them.
Now I look at friends privacy settings before I post anything!
As for your DH, he can't tell you what to post. I'd be annoyed at mine if he tried.

glitterazi · 07/02/2017 21:33

I think it is public groups that he can see me posting on.

Yes, he'll be able to see your comments on public pages and also any friends with public account settings.

LilQueenie · 07/02/2017 21:50

I would be tempted to put his replies to you on the comments too. controlling arse.

TheEdgeofSeventeen · 07/02/2017 21:51

Im a FB warrior and my friends always laugh at me for some of the arguments I get into but i never see theirs !!! Apparently it just comes up on their feed ... so i don't think its controlling, if you are in contact a lot on fb you get more of their posts on your feed so he isn't looking for them.

TheEdgeofSeventeen · 07/02/2017 21:53

some people rarely post on other posts ( my bf barely ever) so he probably doesn't really have posts for you to see.

glitterazi · 07/02/2017 22:20

Easy way to see if a friend's status and settings are private or public for everyone to see (and subsequent comments that follow as anyone who comments will have their comment made public too) is to look at the icon at the right hand side of the status.
Before you post on a friend's status have a look:

Round icon of the Earth - public for all comments to see
Two heads together - only people in their friends list can see the post
Three heads together - friends of friends. (Never seen the point of this, it might as well just be public as nearly everybody can see this regardless of whether friends or not!
A cog - friends only but also means the person whose status you're commenting on controls who can see posts on their timeline/status and who can't.

rubytuesday21 · 07/02/2017 22:25

If you need it for your work, have a separate business page as well as your own personal one. And tell him to off commenting on your comments.
You should be free to post what you want.

babychamcherryb · 07/02/2017 22:28

He sounds like a right knob.

FannyFacial · 07/02/2017 22:47

OP you should be able to express an opinion without getting "told off". I'm sorry but he sounds very patronising to you and is treating you like a child. I dont think fb is the problem here

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