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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To NOT be super annoyed at OH

56 replies

Georgeofthejungle · 07/02/2017 13:31

So OH has been a bit of idiot and let his van run out of oil. The engine has now seized and needs replaced. Goodbye £4000!

My neighbour was round and suggested i might be really annoyed at him (understandably!). But I'm not really. It was daft of him and an expensive mistake! More so given we don't have the money and are saving for an impending wedding.. But I just think it was a mistake and sh!t happens. Me giving him a hard time won't make the situation any better.

How would you react?

OP posts:
LaPharisienne · 07/02/2017 13:56

Life is way too short to get stressed about stuff like this. Might laugh at him but wouldn't be cross at least the first two times he did it..!

Original poster
Georgeofthejungle · 07/02/2017 13:57

I'm certainly no doormat Crunchymum butter where you are coming from. But no, it really is not a concern what so ever.

OP posts:
Original poster
Georgeofthejungle · 07/02/2017 13:58

But I see*

OP posts:
chasingrainbows27 · 07/02/2017 14:00

Is this a stealth boast about what a reasonable, cool partner you are?

Because I'm pretty laid back and I'd be annoyed. 4K is so much money...

sycamore54321 · 07/02/2017 14:03

Have you (both) at least figured out the learning points from this? When I owned a car, I checked oil, tyre pressure and windscreen washer every single Saturday. An entirely preventable and foreseeable 4k 'mistake' must at the very least never be let happen again. I don't get your point about the MOT preparations - oil top-up is a two minute job in your own driver with the oil bought readily at the petrol station or even Tesco or similar. You both need to learn about minimum maintenance of the stuff you own. Can you take this opportunity to figure out are you both correctly doing jobs like clearing filters on your tumble dryer, Hoover etc?

Original poster
Georgeofthejungle · 07/02/2017 14:03

I guess I'm not so annoyed as he has shown genuine remorse and it's not my pocket the money is coming from. It will come from the business which he will just have to work more to cover the cost of.

But I will defo be sure to remind him how cool and reasonable I am whilst I'm using this to my advantage to get what I want Grin

OP posts:
Madhouse05 · 07/02/2017 14:04

I'd feel cross but if I could see that he genuinely took the blame and verbalised his apologies then I'd be as forgiving as you. It's when someone shirks owning up to their mistake(/idiocy) that I fume!

PaintingOwls · 07/02/2017 14:05

I would take a deep breath and allow the £4,000 sting to be a lesson as we don't share finances.

I would be amazed he was so irresponsible as to ignore the light though and would question what kind of person I was with.

If this impacted me financially I would be furious though.

Original poster
Georgeofthejungle · 07/02/2017 14:05

Thanks for your concern sycamore. You've given me a giggle.

OP posts:
ShotsFired · 07/02/2017 14:06

Georgeofthejungle Yes it was on but the van is due an MOT at the end of the month so he's planned on getting it all done at the same time
They don't do oil checks and then top it up for you on an MOT though? It may even be a fail if the warning light is on? But hey-ho it's ok, just another £50 blown on getting a retest when they fail him because of his silly oversight/s (lord know what else the silly billy has forgotten to bother checking), NBD right?

...probably not understanding the urgency.
Then your DH needs to grow up and learn how to be a responsible adult. Did he think it was just a pretty light to cheer him up? Hmm

Nocabbageinmyeye · 07/02/2017 14:08

I'd be annoyed so if I knew he ignored the warning light because that makes him either lazy, thick or both. I definitely wouldn't patronise him with "ah bless" Confused. That's not to say I'd roar like a banshee either but I would expect more from a grown man tbh

Original poster
Georgeofthejungle · 07/02/2017 14:10

ShotsFired maybe he thought it was a dash board Christmas decoration.

OP posts:
SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter · 07/02/2017 14:14

I'd be like you, not overly annoyed. We are all human and all make mistakes don't we, that's life

GwenStaceyRocks · 07/02/2017 14:15

It would annoy me because I think warning lights are important and I think it's part of being a responsible driver. I also think it's a certain personality type that ignores warning lights and I'm not sure I'm compatible with that personality type.

Bellabelloo · 07/02/2017 14:16

There's nothing that can be done about it now, so getting cross wouldn't achieve anything. I am sure he has learned his lesson! I would just say 'oops, what a wally' and leave it! X

Mrsdraper1 · 07/02/2017 14:16

My hubby scraped our brand new car on a fence leaving a horrendous long scratch down one side 2 weeks after we got it. It had to have a new back door.
I was very nice about it and said these things happen. I also reminded him that if the boot is ever on the other foot he should keep in mind that I was very sporting about the whole episode.

MrsJayy · 07/02/2017 14:19

Life is far to short to get angry imo what does it achieve yes he was a complete idiot but as you said shit happens.

user1478860582 · 07/02/2017 14:20

When the engine goes through lack of oil they make quite a banging noise. No matter how high you turn the stereo up you can still hear it. I even swapped from Verdi to Iron Maiden on the CD and still couldn't disguise it....

BeMorePanda · 07/02/2017 14:20

Its not just shit happens though is it.
He would have ignored the oil warning light for quite some time for this to happen.

His lazy-arse-itis cost £4k.

It's hardly rocket science to know vehicles need oil or they die. And a red light means NOW not in a month.

Will you be so relaxed & happy next time he does it? Good for you OP

Pinkheart5915 · 07/02/2017 14:24

I wouldn't see the point in being super annoyed over something that is done now so what is moaning and being annoyed going to achieve.

People make mistakes. A few years ago I took out dh brand new sports car and badly scratched it and he certainly wasn't annoyed don't get wrong he wasn't impressed but we had no argument or anything over it and it was soon forgotten about once I'd had the car sorted

NavyandWhite · 07/02/2017 14:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BestZebbie · 07/02/2017 14:32

Hmm, a "mistake" is something like knocking a cup of tea over or forgetting your house keys....letting an engine completely seize up to the point of full replacement takes a certain degree of persistence and/or ignorance.
If it was the former I would be annoyed, if only because he was putting the minor inconvenience to himself at having to top up the oil (or take it to a garage if he doesn't know how) above the potential inconvenience to you both of losing £4 of your wedding savings, not having the van for a while, etc - and it called his bluff, so his estimation of relative risk wasn't as sound as all that, was it? He was effectively gambling with the wedding and/or your credit histories as a stake. Now both of you are inconvenienced.
However, even though I would be annoyed, that doesn't mean I couldn't also be calm and reasonable whilst communicating the above. Being annoyed with a DH doesn't have to mean drama and tears and sleeping on the sofa, etc - and it isn't something to be afraid of doing in case it upsets your man/puts him off you etc.

KERALA1 · 07/02/2017 14:33

My friend ended a long term relationship because her bf ranted and raved about cost of repairs when she had a car accident. Before seeing if she was ok. They owned a house, together 4 years. She dumped him on the spot which was a good call. He was a knob and his reaction showed her that for sure.

MrsJayy · 07/02/2017 14:50

It is up to the op if she us upset or not surely?

strugglingstepdad · 07/02/2017 14:57

I'm with the op on this one.

Life's too short to get hung up on stuff. Even if he deliberately left it, thinking "i'll do it tomorrow" then it's no biggie. We all do that.

The day after I got my new car my mum drove it and scraped down the side of another car. You just get over it.

That doesn't mean you can't remind him about it regularly though op :)

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