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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to speak to the person who drove into my car this morning?

33 replies

doodlyfiddly · 06/02/2017 17:32

I was on the school run this morning and got back to my (sensibly-parked) car to find a taxi driver leaving me a note. He had seen someone scrape alongside my car, having been too impatient to wait whilst a car came the other way. They didn't stop but he had noted their number plate etc.

My car has a couple of very minor scratches. One on the wing mirror (which had been knocked in) and 2 on the door panel. I don't plan to approach my insurance company.

I looked online about reporting to the police for leaving the scene of an accident, more to make the person think than anything, but they won't investigate minor damage to parked cars, only record it. In other words, they won't actually speak to the person concerned.

The thing is, I was told at pick up that it was the mum of a child in the pre-school, confirmed when I checked the make/model & reg with the person telling me (who works there). I don't know the driver, but it will be easy to find them tomorrow morning. So, do I speak to the driver in a non-confrontational way and tell them they should have stopped and at least acknowledge what they had done? Or do I ignore it? What would you do?

Honestly? Would you stop if you thought you'd 'just' clipped someone's wing mirror?

OP posts:
Flicketyflack · 06/02/2017 17:35

I would approach the person and tell them exactly what the taxi driver told you. Have in your mind a couple of possible responses, second guessing a couple of her possible replies. You could always tell a white lie and say you spoke with the police and they suggested that you speak with her, that way she may be inclined to act.

Good luck.

SorrelSoup · 06/02/2017 17:38

Why be non-confrontational??

AndShesGone · 06/02/2017 17:39

Very funny. Grin

mya83 · 06/02/2017 18:56

Confront her, why wouldn't you?

Allthebestnamesareused · 06/02/2017 21:47

Just speak to her and tell her thst a witness has come forward giving her details

Rainbunny · 06/02/2017 22:04

I would be polite and neutral towards her but I would say there were witnesses (plural!) and one of the witnesses wrote down her car information. I wouldn't identify the witness to her, it's enough that you clearly have her details. I would inform her that she can either arrange to pay you or you will go through your insurance company. If she refuses to admit her actions or work with you, I'd simply say that you've already logged the incident with the police and once again, there were witnesses who state what they saw. She'll be hearing from your insurance company. I'd make a point of maintaining a very calm demeanor throughout.

starving · 06/02/2017 22:15

My sister's parked car was hit by another vehicle. Not only did someone take down the car details they also took photos of the offending vehicle driving away. My sister passed that on to the police (and her insurance company) who went and visited the driver who now has several points on their licence. Her insurance company sorted out her car and claimed back from the other driver's insurance.

justilou · 07/02/2017 05:20

Also take photos of her car - it's bound to have matching damage. I would also mention that she probably doesn't want it known around the school that she's done this. Her name will be mud.

CatOnAWarmTinRoof · 07/02/2017 05:42

Yes, take photos of her car before you speak to her if possible.
If course, she might borrow her partner's car for school run until she gets her damage fixed!

siblingrevelryagain · 07/02/2017 05:55

I would also say, however, to maybe approach with an open mind; we're assuming she deliberately left the scene when in fact she may just be unaware she did any damage or even that she 'clipped' you, so I would be prepared for that as a response too.

Creampastry · 07/02/2017 06:13

Of course you should confront her .... she's damaged your car.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/02/2017 06:15

If you're not planning on going through your insurance, or expecting her to pay for the repair, then I see no point in talking to her about it at all.
But since I really don't like confrontation, I wouldn't want to do it anyway.
What I might do is leave a note on her car to say that her collision with your car was noticed and her numberplate taken - then see what happens.

TaliDiNozzo · 07/02/2017 06:34

Yes I think I would talk to her. For minor damage it's possible that she didn't actually realise she'd hit you.

PossumInAPearTree · 07/02/2017 06:40

Talk to her for sure. Any sign of her being arsey tell her you'll leave it with the police to sort.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 07/02/2017 06:47

Can the nursery really give you her details? Surely that's breach of confidentiality.

TheMaddHugger · 07/02/2017 06:54

AndShesGone Mon 06-Feb-17 17:39:20
Very funny. grin

are you on the right post ? or did you intend this for somewhere else ?

KenDoddsDadsDog · 07/02/2017 06:55

Worrying that the nursery gave you the details . Wonder what else they have a lack of confidentiality about.
Check her car and speak to her.

InfiniteCurve · 07/02/2017 06:58

I would speak to her,but I also think it's a possibility that she noticed knocking your wing mirror but didn't realise she'd damaged the car itself.

fourandnomore · 07/02/2017 07:00

This happened to me very recently but I was standing next to my car with a friend and watched it happen. I just said "do you know you just drove into my car?" as she walked towards me without a care in the world. She denied that she had several times before stating that she has plastic bumpers so wouldn't have noticed and that it was the woman driving a small car as if it was a tank coming the other way's fault. Confused Her response was as far from apologetic as you can imagine, my friend was so shocked, I just stayed as calm as possible, let her moan, said as little as possible and got her details. She didn't want to go through insurance because 'our' premiums would be affected and we found somewhere to fix it that suited our warranty company and she paid. If her attitude had been different and she had ever apologised and acknowledged her mistake it would have been much more pleasant but my point is a) she might not even know she did it b) she might not care so be prepared for denial and quite a bit of aggression. Saying that I would definitely say something as it looks good as new ( which it was a few months ago) and it wasn't major.

SoupDragon · 07/02/2017 07:02

Would you stop if you thought you'd 'just' clipped someone's wing mirror?

No. Given how far the wing mirrors stick out, there is a fair amount of clearance if you've just clipped one. You'd have to be closer to scratch the body work of the car.

I wouldn't approach the other driver because I am a wuss, which isn't to say you shouldn't though There's no need to be confrontational about is as she might not realise she's done anything other than clip the mirror (although I scraped a parked car recently and it should have been obvious I would have thought)

SoupDragon · 07/02/2017 07:07

Can the nursery really give you her details?

They haven't given any details, just confirmed who drives that car.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 07/02/2017 07:11

Telling them her name is giving them details. Hmm

BofAlorsStance · 07/02/2017 07:13

You could leave a passive aggressive note saying she was seen on (date) at (time) scratching your car and for her to contact you (your number)? But not sure worth it if you do not intend pursuing it. Would get it logged with police regardless.

ExitPursuedBySpartacus · 07/02/2017 07:27

I'm on the same wavelength as AsShesGone

BonnesVacances · 07/02/2017 07:29

You have to report it to the insurance company, even if you don't intend to claim for the damage. It's in the small print.