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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DF died last week. AIBU not to go to work tomorrow?

38 replies

GallicosCats · 06/02/2017 17:05

I'm reeling a bit to be honest. Have already used up my 5 days compassionate entitlement as he was so ill late last year but he rallied for a while before finally succumbing. I've only got 5 days annual leave to last till April but I'll need that for the funeral as we'll be travelling. Work say to take what I feel is right and they'll sort something out, but I don't know. I feel a bit of a fraud taking time off as I'm not really involved in the practical arrangements and I don't feel ill or crazy, but I can't concentrate too well and I can't face talking to people I don't know. WIBU to take tomorrrow off?

OP posts:
OnHold · 06/02/2017 17:06

Absolutely take tomorrow off.

Sorry for your loss. X

araiwa · 06/02/2017 17:06

do it

DearMrDilkington · 06/02/2017 17:07

Yanbu. Take the day off and spend the day doing whatever makes you feel better.

So sorry about your dad.Flowers

RuggerHug · 06/02/2017 17:07

Take it off. I'm sorry about your Dad Flowers

LindyHemming · 06/02/2017 17:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThePinkOcelot · 06/02/2017 17:10

Definitely take tomorrow off. You've just had a huge bereavement. So sorry for your loss Flowers

HunterHearstHelmsley · 06/02/2017 17:11

Do it. A member of my teams father died last week, I've assumed we won't see her for a fortnight at least

mumontherun14 · 06/02/2017 17:11

Definitely take it off. In our work people can take a few weeks compassionate leave. Just be gentle on yourself and don't rush back till you feel ready. So sorry for your loss💐💐

GlassSeahorse · 06/02/2017 17:13

Do it. My dad died last year. I'm a SAHP so I didn't have these issues. My brother ended up taking just under a month off.

Look after yourself Flowers

tobecontinued2000 · 06/02/2017 17:14

Im so sorry for your loss.

Please take tomorrow off.

Wolfiefan · 06/02/2017 17:15

Goodness you are so NBU. Take it. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Iamastonished · 06/02/2017 17:17

I'm shocked that your employer won't let you take compassionate leave now. Please allow yourself time to grieve and take the time off. Sorry for your loss Flowers

YouHadMeAtCake · 06/02/2017 17:18

YADNBU. Take tomorrow and more if you can. Work sound like they're being very understanding so take the time you need. I'm very sorry OP 💐

Tootsiepops · 06/02/2017 17:19

I ended up being off work for about 6 weeks after my dad died (but it came totally out of the blue, and almost a year to the day after my little brother died, so it was compound grief).

Take what you need and don't feel bad about it.

Chasingsquirrels · 06/02/2017 17:21

I'm sorry for your loss of your dad GallicosCat Flowers
If you need more time take it, it sounds like your work understand that.
Is being signed off by the doctor a possibility?

littleblackno · 06/02/2017 17:23

Where I work it's perfectly normal and accepted to be signed off sick following a bereavement.
I manage the team and wouldn't question anyone taking time off in these circumstances - like you say they've told you they can sort something out. Go and see your gp and take some time off.

crunched · 06/02/2017 17:28

Everyone is different, but when my DF died my employer gave three days compassionate leave for 'death of next of kin'.
It was my first job from school, I was 18, and in my first month with them so I had no opportunity to build any extra days and needed to save one day for the funeral.
I felt totally overwhelmed at the idea of going back to work but in reality it was the best thing I could have done. The fact no one either knew, nor cared about my situation forced me to feign normality. This was an escape from the misery of my Mother at home. I only had a certain amount of compassionate support I could provide for her, and being away for 8 hours helped me to top this up somehow. It also stopped me being totally absorbed by my own grief.
I can appreciate that if your co-workers are also friends then the situation I describe is totally alien to you.
My DH and I fundamentally disagree over this. We have our own business,and when a staff member looses a loved-one he always tells them to "take as long as you need". I try to tell him that maybe they don't know how long they need...
Sorry for your loss.

twomonkeys2 · 06/02/2017 17:29

Flowers They will manage at work, so be kind to yourself and take the day. Don't feel guilty. So sorry for your loss.

OurBlanche · 06/02/2017 17:31

I'm shocked that your employer won't let you take compassionate leave now. That isn't what they have said... they have told OP to do what she thinks is best and they will sort it out afterwards. That's what is supposed to happen. No pressure, just "Come back when you are ready"

And definitely see you GP. Your boss will be able to be even more understanding with that piece of paper in their hand.

foxyloxy78 · 06/02/2017 17:32

Please take tomorrow off. Sorry for your loss. Look after yourself xx

Dagnabit · 06/02/2017 17:33

Yadnbu, you need to take time off to work through your grief and you are certainly not being a fraud.

My dad died suddenly many years ago, I took a week off but rushed back because I was studying for a degree and had just started a part time weekend job and it did me no favours - you should take all the time you need.

Sorry for your loss Flowers

EnidB · 06/02/2017 17:34

If you don't feel up to it, don't go to work. This won't be a straight line process, you'll have good days and not so straight-forward ones. Your GP will probably sign you off for a few days if needed, or maybe that might be later. Be kind to yourself, keep your employer informed and my condolences

StorminaBcup · 06/02/2017 17:36

If you feel bad about taking time off because it's not 'legitimate' you can ask for a doctors note. I had one before my DF died for domestic stress. I had no idea this was a thing and it was offered by my lovely family doctor due to the circumstance I was in. Sorry for your loss Flowers

FrozeninSummer · 06/02/2017 17:38

Not unreasonable in the slightest, most employers don't have lengthy compassionate leave periods but that doesn't mean you can't take the time off sick - you can self certify for 7 calendar days and after that you would need a GP note. It's very recent, you likely still need time just to get your head round things - I had a month off near enough when my Mum died.

Take care and sorry for your loss.

3dancingladies · 06/02/2017 17:41

I'm sorry to hear about your loss.

I am sure your doctor will sign you off - my doctor signed me off for 2 weeks after my DB died and told me he would extend the time if needed.