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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to feel this was an inappropriate and lecherous comment from my friend’s new boyfriend?

64 replies

IckyPop · 05/02/2017 19:24

My very good friend has a new-ish boyfriend; they’ve been seeing each other for a few months. I’ve only briefly met him a couple of times before and he seemed nice. We were at a party the other night and about half way through the evening I was talking to him while my friend was chatting to some other friends, or in the loo or something, when he said to me “If I wasn’t attached and you weren’t married, I’d be all over you like a rash”. It was right out of the blue and I was so surprised I didn’t really know what to do or say, and I laughed nervously then blurted out “Like a tramp on chips?” (I guess trying to make light of it) then made my excuses and went to talk to someone else.

It’s been really bothering me since. I told my DH the next day (he couldn’t go to the party). He hasn’t met the boyfriend, and was not impressed by his comment.

AIBU to be really bothered by what this man said? If he was just a randomer, I would’ve ignored it, but as he is my friend’s boyfriend I feel really uncomfortable about the inevitability of seeing him again, and what to say when she asks me “What do think of him?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 05/02/2017 20:18

What sorrel said

bumsexatthebingo · 05/02/2017 20:20

I would tell friend and would 100% want a friend to tell me. If she asks whether you like him just say no and that he made you uncomfortable.

Writerwannabe83 · 05/02/2017 20:20

If my boyfriend was trying it on with my mates behind my back I'd want to know about it.

Tell your mate because he sounds like a disrespectful idiot.

IckyPop · 05/02/2017 20:30

Thank you all for your advice. I'm certain he wouldn't be able to switch it around - my friend and I go back a long way, been through a lot and there's a lot of trust there. And typing that actually tells me what I need to do.

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 05/02/2017 20:32

Definitely the right decision!!

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 05/02/2017 20:36

He was being a knob but I wouldn't mention it to your friend tbh, shoot the messenger & all that?
I'd have simply commented on what a high opinion he had of himself & advised he might want to check that... Twat Hmm

frauleinsallybowles · 05/02/2017 20:38

what did u decide to do op?

Surreyblah · 05/02/2017 20:39

Disrespectful to your friend, his gf, and to you.

Suggests he's a cheater and/or enjoys making women uncomfortable.

I would tell the friend.

IckyPop · 05/02/2017 20:41

I'm going to tell her, in the way Sorrel said earlier. I haven't seen her since the party but will probably speak to her tomorrow.

OP posts:
BonnyScotland · 05/02/2017 20:44

he was defo Fishing... but she won't thank you for telling her.. be prepared for a backlash x

user1477282676 · 05/02/2017 20:46

I'd like to point out to MrsGlitter and OP that the saying like a tramp on chips is offensive and nasty. So don't say that.

donquixotedelamancha · 05/02/2017 20:46

"Why do some of you have such a response as a default position? If I didn't know better, I'd think you wanted to cause trouble."

Bloody hell, you must be really new here. That is precisely the purpose of about 25% of replies. There is a thread from a woman whose husband goes to church each week, leaving her to do the food shopping and one of the respondents is vociferous that she should leave him.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 05/02/2017 20:46

If I was the friend in this situation, I'd want to know.

intheknickersoftime · 05/02/2017 20:50

Is he good looking? Hmm what?

TheDowagerCuntess · 05/02/2017 20:58

Fgs, no. Why tell the friend? Why do some of you have such a response as a default position? If I didn't know better, I'd think you wanted to cause trouble.

Because any boyfriend, no matter how much of an utter dud, is better than no boyfriend at all, right?

PetalMettle · 05/02/2017 21:01

I think you're doing the right thing - sorrels response seemed best to me. I think if he'd just met you it'd be one thing - bit pissed and dazzled by your looks - but it's weird given you'd met a few times before

FearandLoathinginLasVegas · 05/02/2017 21:04

I wouldn't tell your friend but I would
judge him and change my begaviour to him, be extremely careful not to be alone with him.
He was testing the water with you to see what you'd say and if you'd take it further...

TheMythOfFingerprints · 05/02/2017 21:09

is he good looking?

Would that make it better, or worse? Hmm

Patchouli666 · 05/02/2017 21:16

You've got to tell her. If he's making comments like that to you, what on earth is he saying/ doing when chatting to women who don't know your friend or you. She's better off knowing now.

Writerwannabe83 · 05/02/2017 21:24

......but she won't thank you for telling her.. be prepared for a backlash x

I can't imagine this. Her friends only been dating him for a month, it's hardly serious and I doubt the friend would have any desire/need to cause backlash over something so casual considering what a long standing and trusting relationship she has with the OP.

nelipotter · 05/02/2017 21:32

Absolutely tell her. Alternatively, wait til they've fallen in love, go out for years, have a hideous and protracted break up, and then tell her you were never really sure about him because of this thing he said at a party way back when but you hadn't liked to tell her and cause any mischief...

When my last major relationship fell apart it really hurt all the friends that had something to say afterwards, but not one of them said anything to me during, when it might have helped me get out sooner/stay sane/ know I wasn't mad

Bluntness100 · 05/02/2017 21:40

I think some blokes are just flirty , I certainly wouldn't make it a big deal to my mate, he didn't proposition you , he did flirt but made it clear he was with your mate.

it was an inappropriate comment though and I'd also tell a friend so she could watch out for him.

Fortifiedwithvitaminsandiron · 05/02/2017 21:44

Eeewwwwww. That's grim. YANBU to feel that way, it's gross.

LaContessaDiPlump · 05/02/2017 21:45

He's a cheater, and a stupid one at that to try it on with his gf's close friend. Your friend will be better off without him.

Trills · 05/02/2017 21:50

I think some blokes are just flirty

You call that flirty? Ugh.

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