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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel this was an inappropriate and lecherous comment from my friend’s new boyfriend?

64 replies

IckyPop · 05/02/2017 19:24

My very good friend has a new-ish boyfriend; they’ve been seeing each other for a few months. I’ve only briefly met him a couple of times before and he seemed nice. We were at a party the other night and about half way through the evening I was talking to him while my friend was chatting to some other friends, or in the loo or something, when he said to me “If I wasn’t attached and you weren’t married, I’d be all over you like a rash”. It was right out of the blue and I was so surprised I didn’t really know what to do or say, and I laughed nervously then blurted out “Like a tramp on chips?” (I guess trying to make light of it) then made my excuses and went to talk to someone else.

It’s been really bothering me since. I told my DH the next day (he couldn’t go to the party). He hasn’t met the boyfriend, and was not impressed by his comment.

AIBU to be really bothered by what this man said? If he was just a randomer, I would’ve ignored it, but as he is my friend’s boyfriend I feel really uncomfortable about the inevitability of seeing him again, and what to say when she asks me “What do think of him?

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 05/02/2017 19:27

Odd. And very arrogant, assuming that you would be flattered by this lecherous stuff.

newusername567 · 05/02/2017 19:28

I'd tell your friend.

Trills · 05/02/2017 19:29

Ew

Fishcakey · 05/02/2017 19:29

I wouldn't mention it again. No harm done. It's not like he felt you up or something! Just ignore.

Trills · 05/02/2017 19:30

"Did you know that your new boyfriend thinks this is funny?"

CaraAspen · 05/02/2017 19:30

Is he good looking?

maras2 · 05/02/2017 19:30

What a twat.
Tell your friend.

CaraAspen · 05/02/2017 19:32

Fgs, no. Why tell the friend? Why do some of you have such a response as a default position? If I didn't know better, I'd think you wanted to cause trouble.

Trifleorbust · 05/02/2017 19:34

It's not deeply lecherous but it's inappropriate. I would leave it this time but tell her if he ever says anything similar again.

Trills · 05/02/2017 19:35

I would not tell the friend as in "look what a terrible thing he did", I would tell them because if they are newish my friend may not know that he has a crap sense of humour.

SorrelSoup · 05/02/2017 19:35

That's awful! He can't think much of your friend. How is he in other respects?

I met a boyfriend's best mate once and when boyfriend was at the bar he leaned over and said, "Shall we put you and me on the back burner in case things don't work out with you and X". I'd only just met him! What a shit best mate.

Funnyonion17 · 05/02/2017 19:35

What a dickhead. He was obviously testing the waters!

Oysterbabe · 05/02/2017 19:36

People say this kind of shit all the time, especially when there's booze involved. No harm done, probably wouldn't cross my mind again.

Original poster
IckyPop · 05/02/2017 19:36

My first instinct is to ignore it and hope it was a weird one off comment after a couple of drinks, but when I think (and now type) that I just keep having a minor panic about the next time I see her/them. I don't want to upset her over something that could be nothing, but then do I owe it to her to let her know that he said this to me, knowing that we are very close friends?

OP posts:
ArmySal · 05/02/2017 19:37

If I didn't know better, I'd think you wanted to cause trouble.

Ummm...

Anyway... OP I'd leave it for now but give him a wide berth.

Original poster
IckyPop · 05/02/2017 19:39

Trifle - thanks I think that's how I'm going to play it. I really don't want to stir up any trouble, but I do want to look out for my friend.

OP posts:
Original poster
IckyPop · 05/02/2017 19:42

Sorrel - I really don't know him at all. I've met him a couple of times, for maybe half an hour each time at my friends house after work.

OP posts:
SorrelSoup · 05/02/2017 19:48

The thing is, if I'd only been with someone for a couple of months and found this out, then I'd dump him. I would find it humiliating. I'd want to know. Especially from a good friend. You could just say, "Bloody hell X was a bit pissed the other night; he said.....to me. Is he always so full on?". Obviously only you can judge how it would go down.

mrmanc · 05/02/2017 19:49

Mans pov:

Definitely 100% nailed on testing the waters.

Your husband has every right to be unimpressed - we know what men are up to.

Mrsglitterfairy · 05/02/2017 19:53

Eew what a grot! Although I do love your reply like a tramp on chips might have to use that sometime.
I wouldn't tell your friend though, he may have just been drunk or thinking he's giving you a very strange compliment.

Autumntactics · 05/02/2017 19:54

I had a situation that was similar. I decided I had to tell my friend though because I thought it would affect our relationship, I felt weird about seeing him and she'd obviously notice. I just told it in a factual "He said this" way. She kind of made excuses and we've not talked about it since so things are still awkward, but I just thought she needs to know what he's saying to people so she can make up her own mind.

Original poster
IckyPop · 05/02/2017 20:07

Sorrel - good point. DH just added that if he was like that to me (very good friend of his girlfriend) what's he like in situations where he's less likely to be be found out?

mrmanc - thank you - always good to get perspective from the other side.

Autumn - thanks for sharing your experience. You're a good friend and I hope the awkwardness fades.

OP posts:
Original poster
IckyPop · 05/02/2017 20:10

Mrsglitter - feel free any time!

OP posts:
foxyloxy78 · 05/02/2017 20:13

He's a twit. Tell your friend asap.

Mungobungo · 05/02/2017 20:17

Oh gross.

When DH and I were first together, we'd been together about 6 months and went out with his brother. Future Dh went to loo and the brother said 'so when are you going to get yourself a real man then?' And winked. After I'd swallowed the vomit from my mouth I replied 'I've got one and I'm happy with him, would you like me to tell him what you've just said?' He soon apologised and had never done it since. He is a serial cheater though and is probably how he reels innit his next victim. What an arse.

Not worth mentioning to friend I don't think as the friend may be manipulated by him to think that you fancy him and are jealous of her which will put strain on your relationship. Unfortunately she has to find out what a knobber this bloke is under her own steam.