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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to want to keep my car?

73 replies

Splashingincuddles · 04/02/2017 14:14

I am on maternity leave and expecting our DD any day. We already have a DS who is 2.5. As a teacher I get pretty good maternity pay but this is going to decrease significantly as the weeks go on and we are also doing a lot of work on our house, which is costly. We live in a village in a fairly rural location (it is not walking distance to the nearest town/supermarket but we are on a bus route).

My DH has suggested that we run only one car while I'm not needing to commute to work - admittedly my car is old and does cost a lot to run and maintain - his is paid for using a company car allowance.

Are there any other mums who have done maternity leave with no car? I can walk/bus DS to preschool and I am not at all averse to going on a bus or train for a day out. I am also happy to do grocery shopping online. I just feel like I'm going to feel a little 'trapped' and will have to organise car sharing with military precision. I'm also envisaging a total nightmare when trying to manoeuvre and manhandle a pram/newborn and toddler onto a bus or train.

I'm wondering if I'm being totally unreasonable - is a car really necessary or is it a luxury when finances are tight? How have other car-less mums managed with small children?

OP posts:

pasbeaucoupdegendarme · 04/02/2017 15:18

I've done rural maternity leave twice and I wouldn't have been without my car. Now I live within walking distance of most amenities I could if I had to, but when we lived more rurally it would have been very lonely.

memyselfandaye · 04/02/2017 15:24

I echo Shelagh Giving up my car would feel like I had lost my freedom.

I don't want to walk or sit on crowded buses. I want to be able to get up and go places on my days off without having to think about transport.

nokidshere · 04/02/2017 15:24

I wouldn't.

I'd look everywhere to make savings before I would even consider thinking about my car.

TooSmittle · 04/02/2017 15:28

We're in a fairly urban area but it's horrible relying on public transport with a baby and a toddler. Even tiny things are so much more difficult. DD is three and obviously can walk well but couldn't manage more than a mile or so. Too late for a double buggy, too inconvenient to stray too far from home with a sling.

I can't travel to stay anywhere overnight because I haven't got enough arms to manage pushchair, toddler and suitcase.

I can't do a big shop because there's literally no way of getting it all home on the bus. Thank God for online shopping!

It's tricky to get to indoor play areas when the weather is bad so we end up indoors an awful lot of the time.

It's impossible to just pop anywhere for a loaf of bread, it involves the full dressing in winter attire and preparation for weather changes. It's impossible to run a quick errand into town. What would take an hour tops with a car takes at least 2 hours waiting for buses and walking to bus stops.

Any out of town big retail places are hard to get to. Any 'accessible' countryside is inaccessible. Day trips require you to carry everything you might need, nowhere to leave a picnic basket, no arms left to carry one as just one example.

Spontaneity is hard. All over the things I've listed are possible to overcome but it's so much effort. I'd love love love a car, it would make life so much easier. Don't give it up if you can help it!

Allthebestnamesareused · 04/02/2017 15:35

No way. Don't do it.

It is hard enough being at home with a a baby and there are days when you will just need to get out and about. Under no circumstances allow this to happen!

Are there other areas you can cut back on?

IrregularCommentary · 04/02/2017 15:38

No way. Sometimes the only way I can get dd to stop crying and go to sleep is to go for a drive. That alone is worth keeping my car for!

alltouchedout · 04/02/2017 15:40

I can't drive so yes, I've done mat leave without a car. Twice in a shite small town with little public transport and once in a big city. It's fine. A car is a luxury unless it's actually needed to get people to places they have to go.

topcat2014 · 04/02/2017 15:42

I had a car whilst still at school - so there's no way I would consider not having one as an adult.

If you don't use it, then it's not costing anything extra that day (apart from insurance and car tax).

Cars tend to manage to limp along when they are only used gently. Have a decent service done at the start of mat leave.

kittybiscuits · 04/02/2017 15:43

I think it will work fine if he gives up his car.

mysteriouscurle · 04/02/2017 17:39

We always used to have just one car as we felt it wouldbe too expensive to run two. Recently decided to change our car and we were going to get so little trade in for our old car we decided to keep it and buy the new one. DH used to go off to his hobby for a day/half day. I would just potter around the house. Im quite happy to do that. Today he went off to rugby and I just popped to sainsburys in the second car. It was sheer luxury. DC grown up here so no toddler/pram wrangling. Also I live on a pretty good bus route.. Keep it if you can afford it. Its not really for dh to say you can manage without it if it isnt him who is having to do the managing.

JustHappy3 · 04/02/2017 18:37

We went down to 1 car when i became a sahm. I have the car and dh gets the train to work. The thought of being without a car and confined to the village makes me shudder in horror! Don't give up the car.

HopeClearwater · 04/02/2017 18:38

I did this with 2 dc under 2 - I mean, we ran one car to save money and that was the husband's company car. Ive made a lot of stupid decisions in my life and that one ranks high up in the list. Buses sailed by when they saw the double buggy. Social life and baby groups went out of the window when the dh (which means dick head as far as I'm concerned) needed it for work. It didn't save enough money to make up for the isolation and feeling of second-class citizen-ness. I was massively inconvenienced. Dh never was. Try to hang on to your wheels somehow.

badhotfanny · 04/02/2017 19:03

No way would I ever be without a car.

Like you, I'm spur of the moment. God know I felt trapped ENOUGH when on mat leave, and I went out every day!

You won't save much anyway, will you?

Inertia · 04/02/2017 19:39

I wouldn't give up a car while on maternity leave. I would insist on giving up other things as a family / couple first.

thatdearoctopus · 04/02/2017 19:51

No, no, no and NO again.

Do NOT do this. Do NOT let him save money at your expense and sacrifice.

ShelaghTurner · 04/02/2017 20:05

A car is not a luxury if your mental wellbeing is at stake. And mine absolutely would be without mine.

VocalDuck · 04/02/2017 20:07

I would hate to be without my car and I say that as someone who is also on maternity leave. If your DH is suggesting he gets the train to and from work and leaves you with his company car, then it sounds very reasonable to me. Otherwise, he IBU.

daisypond · 04/02/2017 20:15

Neither DH or I had a car and we managed OK. We relied on public transport - which is plentiful where I live (London), so that made it easier. When the children were very little - they're about 21 months apart - I had a sling for one and a pushchair for the other. When the little one got too big for the sling - at about 6 months, I think - we had a double pushchair, and also a single pushchair with a buggy board on the back. We went out every day - walking, buses, tubes, trains, did children's activities, museums, libraries, playgroups, socialised, etc. The one thing that was difficult was supermarket shopping. It was hard to carry a number of supermarket bags home. It was best done with one parent at home minding the children while the other shopped - but this was pre-internet shopping days, so it should be easier now. The majority of stay-at-home parents I knew then didn't have cars either. I'm sure it is easier with a car, but it wasn't a necessity.

ConvincingLiar · 04/02/2017 20:22

I'd rather cut my arm off. Am planning a section for baby2 and am a bit nervous about not being able to drive for the first few weeks.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 04/02/2017 20:24

I barely used my car on mat leave. Still wouldn't have given it up though

Excited101 · 04/02/2017 20:25

Could you sell both cars and buy 2 cheaper cars? I've got no idea if this is a stupid idea or not...

Minimincepies · 04/02/2017 20:31

I gave up my car at the start of maternity leave to save money and it's the best decision I've made! I walk everywhere with the pushchair, I've lost 4st in 8 months and still manage to go to 4 baby groups a week plus regular meet-ups with friends etc so I don't feel it has limited me much. But I do only have one baby, live 10 minutes from the town centre which has everything we need, and it has meant being quite organised to allow enough time to get everywhere. It's definitely possible, but maybe not ideal for your circumstances.

museumum · 04/02/2017 20:43

No way.
What if you need the gp. Or run out of calpol with two sick kids.

I lived for years without a car but that was always in walking distance of at least one shop.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 04/02/2017 20:47

There's a significant difference in establishing a lifestyle around a non driver, and a driver sacrificing their ability to get around independently.

When DS1 was born, I couldn't drive in the final 3 weeks of pregnancy due to terrible ice, and being unable to get my bump behind the steering wheel and reach the pedals. SPD ruled out walking more than a handful of metres. I then had a EMCS so didn't end up driving for a further 8 weeks (I didn't rush due to a slow recovery and it being so long since I'd driven before). It was a huge relief when he was 5 weeks and I could finally stagger to a bus stop and go somewhere of my own accord!

When I had 2 young DCs, I found it hard enough herding them out of the house. I'd use the bus to go to town or cut out a hill home from the local shops, but activities were either on the doorstep or nowhere near a bus route. If you've got nursery hours in the equation, which you may by Christmas from the age you've mentioned, that then gets very restrictive on your time.

From friends that have never driven, they managed well with the first child, but then found things got much more restrictive when dealing with a baby and a toddler. For a start there's the battle with walking around at toddler pace that slows life up considerably!

I've had a couple of licensed but non driver friends take up a run a bout car since having children as they found life very restricted.

Don't do it. For what you will save, it's not worth the loss of independence at a time that's logistically tricky anyway.

madamginger · 04/02/2017 20:48

I'd give up one of the kids before I gave up my car
Sometimes you just need to stick the kids in the car and go out iykwm.

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