To expect my counsellor to be helping me more?

[user1480954406]

I'm currently having counselling for historical child sex abuse/exploitation. I haven't dealt with it and I decided about a year ago that I needed to have counselling as I don't want to carry the sadness and anger I feel about it forever.

I'm on my third session and I'm starting to feel like it's not helpin, actually making it worse if anything. And my counsellor seems to just let me talk and then repeat what I've said back to me. I haven't been getting upset in the sessions at all and she says she thinks I've developed very strong strategies for keeping myself emotionally safe, and I actually get the feeling even she thinks that I don't need counselling? Like she's a bit like, you're coping really well... and yet you find yourself here?

I don't know, I kind of expected the counselling to go a bit different and to get a bit more advice/reassurance, but it's so awkward and there are loads of moments of weird silence.

Aibu to expect her to be saying more?

Hi OP
I think that you sound as though you are doing well.
Speak with her about your feelings of needing to be reassured or told what happened was wrong. This might uncover needs that were missing at the time and who they were missing from. It also shows the disconnect betweeen knowing and feeling that she might need you to highlight ( but may be well aware of and is helping you nurture)
She should relish that collaboration.

The telling and retelling of a story is a common practice and as as we see more of ourselves as our understanding deepens we see our problems more clearly and identify our true needs.

You don't need CBT, mindfulness or a psychologist.

You need to trust that you have all that you need inside you to fix this if you are given the right conditions.
The counselling relationship depends on your talking about what you don't get, what feels missing, what seems least helpful - as often the meat and bones of the work is there.

It is hard. I'm sorry for what you went through.

( as a caveat, if you feel your therapist isn't skilled enough speak to the centre about her - I think your issues warrant a well qualified therapist, trained and able to hold you therapeutically. That isn't a personal slight but there are some types of work that should be undertaken by qualified experienced therapists)

The telling and retelling of abuse is not helpful and can be counter productive. Techniques like rewind will help you actually deal with it.

Personally I have never heard of or used rewind - I would guess another form of ptsd type therapeutic technique?

The retelling of the story does not actually mean the details of what happened wrt the abuse. Rather the processing and what was built up in the OP to deal with what went on.
I'm sorry if that was unclear

Sometimes the retelling of the abuse does occur as the client can often hide from what occurred to have kept themselves safe. As time goes on those safety nets can fall away and they can stand in front of it squarely- necessary work for some and not for others and client led.

Learning about the narratives we wrote for ourselves - the stories we told ourselves about what was happening and why. Who we blamed. What we did to keep ourselves safe. How this continues today and in what forms. This is work that is often revisited and retold as we develop a bond during therapy. The relearning undertaken in a good therapeutic relationship which has the ability to allow the client to grow safely.

Rewind is a technique to deal with traumatic events and is particularly useful for dealing with flashbacks or troubling memories.

www.hgi.org.uk/resources/delve-our-extensive-library/anxiety-ptsd-and-trauma/ptsd-why-some-techniques-treating-it

This article also talks about tapping and EMDR which are also successful techniques. I am not advocating these in isolation. But perhaps a therapist that did more than simply active listening, might be more useful.

This is a therapeutic answer from my POV and hijacking slightly

The reality is that dealing with csa effectively needs a therapist to have a broad range of therapeutic skills and an informed eclectic
 approach. To work at the cognitive, behavioural, emotional and psychodynamic
 levels is essential as abuse affects people at each of these levels.

Offering one narrow therapeutic approach, while gains may be made, often fails
 to move the person into recovery, just as treating symptoms alone fails to move people
 to recovery.
This is usually what those who are narrowly trained advocate.

I personally think that a therapist working successfully in this area of work needs a grounding in the basic principles of cognitive therapy, 
behaviour therapy and gestalt therapy, along with a large body of work experiencing these issues.
For me a good working understanding and knowledge of psychodynamic material and the workings of the unconscious is
 important useful and enlightening.

There is often so much work to be done to move out and through.

From the facilitation of work around the abuse. The therapist's need to be able 'hold' the client through this - is huge and often overlooked or undertrained. The support of the client is huge.
The reexamining of relationships and then finally the reintegration work required is all in depth work and all of it is vital to recovery and understanding.

I have always questioned a student's ability to undertake work of this size and importance. If she can build a good therapeutic bond however you can move mountains. Knowing that you can move to another therapist for other parts of treatment can be a great help for when you have gone as far as you can. Your therapist will wish you well for that next part of your journey

I had a wonderful counsellor who changed my life. But it was the relationship we had that made it so productive. Early on she asked me what I wanted from her. I said I didn't want her just to be neutral, repeat what I said. I wanted to be able to share things, to get feedback on what I was explaining. She said that worked for her, and it was brilliant.

I think this sort of counselling might be more suitable, OP. You could spill it all out to someone who would feel able to react.