I'm thinking another baby shower so soon is a little 'not done'?

[bummymummy77]

Admittedly I'm in the States where the baby shower tradition is a bit more full on but I think even here this is a little off.

Dsil is throwing herself a baby shower. She's having another girl 18 months after the last.

In huge letters on the shower invitation it tells you she's registered at Amazon. It's not a small line, it's bigger than their names even!

I understand having a shower if you're having a child of a different sex or kids really far apart but she has a shit ton of clothes from the first, she's just adamant that it's unfair for the new baby to wear hand me downs.

I'm a little embarrassed as I've been put on it as one of the hosting names.

Not to mention I never made any offer to co host this time, was not consulted on the date even! I only found out about it last night when I was handed an invitation. I've just been given a huge list of things to buy and do. Oh and it's in two bloody weeks!

Am I being unreasonable in being a bit annoyed and thinking this is a little crass?

Anything and everything really. Personally I don't think it's right to ask family and friends to fund a pram, car seat, bouncer and furniture etc but I've seen it happen! Then there's all the smaller stuff too - clothes, bottles, toys... In some ways it is sensible as you don't get repeated presents but it still comes across as grabby to me!

Sorry! bang shower should be baby shower

Olenna whilst the baby doesn't know what it is wearing let alone whether it is new or second hand, it is probably nice for the parents to have some new things for a new baby. Should it not be up to the parents to buy the new things that they want? Maybe this is a culture difference though? I cannot imagine asking anyone to buy large items, or even smaller ones at that. Seems terribly grabby, especially for a second baby.

I think your DH should have already arranged a surprise trip away for you. Then it's totally not your fault. He needs to tell his sister and mother today, and threaten to never speak to them again if they ruin the surprise for you. That'll be a win-win then.

I read about the origins of the baby shower and it sounds like a lovely idea that has at some point been FUBAR.

Couples tended to marry young and the pregnancy come quite quickly afterwards (or not always afterwards of course!) The parents to be would be young, probably not earning much and skint after their wedding. So the shower was for the community to help kit up the parents for the new arrival and for the more experienced mothers to give advice to the mum to be and celebrate this new milestone in her life. And have a fun afternoon around it. Baby kit could be passed on secondhand as the shower was about what the new family would need, not I wants.

Of course showers weren't held for following pregnancies as the couple had all the gear and were a bit more clued up about birth and newborn care so there was no need. Maybe a little leeway if there was a late surprise baby.

The community held the shower to do something nice for a woman about to become a mother so organising a shower for yourself or even a close relative was seen as grabby.

So yes, she's made numerous etiquette blunders here, as well as making you host without asking you.

ptang you seriously feel 'overlooked'? I'm a second child and I can't get my head around the concept.
Not that baby showers existed in the UK when I was a kid, or when I had my babies, thankfully.

The baby shower is to mark the rite of passage into maternity. Just as HapoyAxolotl says, because you shower the first-time mother which things she did not need to own before bringing a baby home.

And because it's short for 'shower with gifts' then bringing a gift is required, but it can be small ('shower-type gift' being essentially shorthand for nice, useful and inexpensive).

A list is naff, because it's only a small gathering of those close enough to the honoured to offer support. So the host can discreetly co-ordinate, just to make sure the honouree doesn't end up with six gifts the same.

It's very grabby to host your own, because that is saying 'shower me with gifts'. But done the trad way, it can be lovely.

You don't need to hire somewhere, unless there are no friends with a room in the house big enough to host a small party. Decorations, games etc aren't part of the tradition, you can just have the sort of park you like, but it seems a lot of people do enjoy the games (I don't but would put best face on and get stuck in).

If you want a party without gifts, don't call it a shower.