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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that MN has been ruined by the Fail

103 replies

JigglyTuff · 03/02/2017 23:12

It's become hun-tastic *

"Well, that's what men are like! I don't know why you can't just get right back to cooking and cleaning immediately after giving birth - it's what I did!"

"I would never leave my child alone, even for two minutes, until they were at least 16. Better safe than sorry!"

"She's a bitch" "Slapper"

"I don't care if he does have SN. Hit him back! That'll teach him!"

  • not actual quotes

I used to come her for intelligent and witty conversation. It was fun, it was invigorating. It made me think and it made me smile.

But right now, my local town facebook page, where most posters find it hard to string more than three words together, seems fairly erudite in comparison.

What's happened?! :(

OP posts:
NotYoda · 04/02/2017 00:18

Can I just say, I've never called anyone a handmaiden? I just picked up on it here on MN

BertieBotts · 04/02/2017 00:20

It's nothing to do with enlightenment. You can be perfectly enlightened and still be a handmaiden. Or you might accidentally be acting in a handmaidenish way because you don't know about patriarchy/feminism and you're just trying to be nice and understanding.

It's not necessarily an insult because it doesn't say anything about the woman's motives, it's more of a frustrated thing from feminists than anything else.

WorraLiberty · 04/02/2017 00:20

Unenlightened is far more factual than calling someone a hand maiden, which whatever way you look at it, is only ever and insult.

PortiaCastis · 04/02/2017 00:22

Why can't the posters on the local facebook page string a few words together, has the system failed them ?

Sweets101 · 04/02/2017 00:22

I disagree, when people are coming from that viewpoint and being very forceful with it on a vulnerable OP i'm more concerned about the effect it has on the OP in that thread tbh. I've never called anyone a handmaidend, why bother? But it is prevalent in too many threads (more than 0) in my opinion.

WorraLiberty · 04/02/2017 00:22

it's more of a frustrated thing from feminists than anything else.

Yes and that's entirely their problem.

If they're frustrated then it's probably time to take a step back from the forum or from certain threads, rather than throw the word 'handmaiden' at other women, who are clearly less 'clued up' than themselves.

BertieBotts · 04/02/2017 00:22

I dunno, I reckon unenlightened is a bit twattish because if you're saying other people are unenlightened aren't you basically saying "I'm definitely right about this, no possible way I could be wrong and everyone else just has the wrong view about the world and as soon as they see the evidence they'll come around to my way of thinking!"

Wondermoomin · 04/02/2017 00:25

I think it's rude to call people handmaidens or unenlightened tbh. Instead I would just shine the light in the other corner and ask them if they've seen what's there if you'll pardon the analogy!!

BertieBotts · 04/02/2017 00:25

I haven't seen it thrown at anyone. I've seen it used in a general way like someone saying "Lots of handmaidening going on in this thread" but not directly calling someone a handmaiden.

It's a frustration borne thing because it's like what, we have to fight these bloody attitudes from men and now there are women holding up this rubbish as well? Why?

BertieBotts · 04/02/2017 00:25

Anyway I have to go to bed...

WorraLiberty · 04/02/2017 00:28

Ok lets swap unenlightened for something else.

'Unable to see that men and women are equal' perhaps?

Whatever way you want to phrase it, many women come to MN with preconceived ideas about men, because that's how they've been brought up/they haven't learned any different.

How in God's name is insulting them ever going to help?

Typing the word 'handmaiden' might be cathartic for the frustrated feminist, but it's going to do fuck all for the woman on the receiving end, other than make her defensive or possibly make her decide Mumsnet is not for her.

Wondermoomin · 04/02/2017 00:30

Me too Bertie but the thing is, even if it's "lots of handmaidenry going on in this thread..." then that is directed at an unspecified number of people who have taken the time to post on the thread and the very people you wish would open their minds to a different view point will wonder what the hell someone means by that (or might just ignore it) or might get defensive and more closed-minded. That's why I think it doesn't serve a purpose and shouldn't have a place in most of MN (perhaps Feminist theory and some of the other Fwr threads where it can genuinely be used as shorthand to discuss the phenomenon rather than try to effect change, because it's bugger all use at that).

Flum · 04/02/2017 00:32

I think it is just too big. When someone begins a thread there are just lots of comments.. Of course.. It a conversation doesn't begin in the way it used to and still does outside of 'AIBU'. I mainly lurk these days.. And try to minimise to an hour every few days.

HoneyDragon · 04/02/2017 00:32

You can be a feminist and Hun it's allowed.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 04/02/2017 00:34

Earlier, someone mentioned Penis Beaker. I've read PB and I 'get it', but (as a new poster) what I don't get is why this thread is such a watershed in terms of changing the culture of MN. I'd really appreciate it if someone could, without TAATing) explain that to me.

Flum · 04/02/2017 00:50

I really do think it is just the number of posters. There used to be a core group of very witty intelligent posters that showed up a lot. They were very funny, the conversation was sparky and amusing. Now it is just more muddled. It was always judgrpey but was funnier and felt more personal. To me it feels less personal now. That is all. Still lots of witty and intelligent posters. Infact even more! But just too many. Like blogs. Too many.

Flum · 04/02/2017 00:51

Penis beaker was kinda fipunny. My all time favourite though was the 'MUmsnet Cliches' one though which went on for days and made me actually pee myself laughing more than once.

Highalert · 04/02/2017 00:59

It's too big to get to know anyone now. MN is not a community anymore.

LouKout · 04/02/2017 06:05

ImVHO its all very well saying that people shouldn't moan about handmaidens but educate them but the whole crux of this thread was that the poster missed spending time with witty intelligent people with similar views to her.

Its a chat site. Maybe people liked coming and spending time with people whose views they admired and enjoyed. Maybe spending time educating people isn't how they would prefer to spend their time. I wouldn't enjoy hanging out on the Daily mail forums, and in real life I don't go to Tory party gatherings but spend time with people i agree and gel with.

And that's why people miss how MN used to be.

Fighterofthenightman · 04/02/2017 06:25

There's an awful lot of OMG I LOVE you OP and you go girl! Going on. Vom.

JustAnotherPoster00 · 04/02/2017 06:46

It's too big to get to know anyone now. MN is not a community anymore.

I disagree, I've only been on here less than a year and there's quite a few posters I remember, some I cant stand, I see they're on a thread and back out, others even though I don't agree with what they post they can give reasoned arguments and I respect that, I'm sure some posters feel exactly the same about me with my sense of inflated self importance

Iris65 · 04/02/2017 06:52

I'd love a link to the MN cliches thread. Is it as good as Things you never want to hear from your midwife? I loved that thread.

peaceloveandbiscuits · 04/02/2017 07:12

But the flapjack recipe?

VintagePerfumista · 04/02/2017 07:13

PB was a watershed because

a) it was bollocks that became accepted MN lore. It then had the "wah wah I never wanted to end up being famous" from its OP. Who was quite happy to be receiving the "OMFG I just spit my tea on my keyboard/I am literally crying/that's the funniest thing I've ever read" adulation when it was on here, but less so when she became red top headlines.

b) it brought in people who thought that the MN demographic was women who told the whole world on mammy forums what their partner did with their dick after fucking and so they started talking about the same kind of thing

c) it was obviously made up and started a trend for other obviously made up shit to become "hilarious" and end up in Classics.Every week now you see a thread and think "oh, here's another load of made up shite from someone who hasn't had a classics thread for a fortnight

d) it started a trend for people who should have their keyboard privileges revoked for not knowing (well d'oh) that their husband's dick might end up in the DM

e) It started (as a result of d) a running-to-HQ-to-get-thread-deleted-as-it-might-out-me trend, and indirectly to a culture of HQ bowing to the wishes of its users when things don't go their way on threads.

I don't think the hacker thing was nearly as important tbh. But again, if people put the info about themselves out there, never namechange and continue to be very public, then fuckwits like the hacker are going to have their bit of fame with them. Again, it all boils down to how you use the internet.

I don't have any issue at all with the "userXXX" names. I think it helps in a way as it stops the "I agree with you because you're one of my MN bezzies" culture that was very prevalent when the site was smaller. My only issue with it is how unfriendly and unwelcoming it makes everyone else seem when they go on about it. "how thick must you be to not go into that button and change it!" etc etc.

I hated the Handmaid's Tale

but, I was on a thread yesterday where a user was advocating "punching her in the face" Me and a couple of others said "excuse me?" but dontcha know it was a joke. It was funny. And we were the ones who had had a sense of humour bypass for calling her (see, we presume it was a her, but would it still have been funny if it had been a him? Exactly....) out on it. Fuck that.

Sparklingbrook · 04/02/2017 08:05

Penis Beaker was a load of made up cobblers. I read the OP then hid the thread.

People use MN for lots of different reasons. I don't come on here to be educated or enlightened or to try and educate anyone else.

I have Relationships/Feminism topics hidden.

I am generally looking for a bit of a chat or even a fun thread.