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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am being ungratefu...but it's my blooming birthday!!

19 replies

user1486161908 · 03/02/2017 23:00

Yes... I am conflicted right now with feeling guilty about these self pitying feelings(wars going on, I have a home and three amazing kids etc etc...), but my birthday was the 30th January and I didn't receive a card or wrapped(!) present... my husband knows how I love to open a present regardless of what's inside, I never expect pressies of much value, seriously a wrapped mars bar and any bought or made card would have done, but I got nothing, tonight he thrust a packet of peanuts and a bottle of wine at me but I am seriously upset, the last few days I've been trying to hold it back but tonight can't stop crying... I feel like I can't mean much to him, even if we were split up surely he would have made an effort to give a card from the kids... period is due so I am extra emotional, really don't know if I'm being unreasonable, if anybody has managed to read this far (sorry!!) I would appreciate any thoughts!! If kind-please! Wink

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 03/02/2017 23:02

OP my birthday was on the 30th Jan and I posted almost exactly the same post as yours the day after!

Shoxfordian · 03/02/2017 23:04

Not surprised you're upset; that's rubbish

Are the children too young to have bought you a card/present without your husband helping them?

He should really have been more thoughtful

Happy belated birthday WineCakeFlowers

Original poster
user1486161908 · 03/02/2017 23:04

Aahh 19lottie82 I am sorry for you, but I want to wish you HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! FlowersFlowers its shit isn't it! Xx

OP posts:
lifetothefull · 03/02/2017 23:06

Cake Flowers

Bluntness100 · 03/02/2017 23:06

Happy belated birthday op. Sorry about your husband.id be upset too.😞

Original poster
user1486161908 · 03/02/2017 23:08

Thank you so much Shoxfordian , youngest just turned five, I also feel a bit outraged that a wrapped pressie or something wasn't given with him involved, I'm sure I'm overthinking but it seems to show that his mummy's birthday isn't important?!? I read that back and cringed a bit, but I can't think how to describe it better... think I'm a bit embarassed too...Blush

OP posts:
nickelbeingnormal · 03/02/2017 23:09

Just because there are horrible things going on in the world does not mean you have to accept bad things happening to you.
Nor does it make your feelings any less valid.

fruitbats · 03/02/2017 23:09

Belated happy birthday user 🎂🎁🎉 I would be massively upset. It really doesn't take much effort, but I do lay it on thick with DH in the run up to my birthday as they don't mean much to him. lots to me Just tell him Thanks

therealpippi · 03/02/2017 23:10

Yup, pretty shit I agree. Your husband should know by now that you like presents. What was his reasons for not getting you anything?

Happy birthday opFlowers

paxillinsdragon · 03/02/2017 23:10

Too long, but it is your birthday. Cry if you want to. And toast yourself.

Astro55 · 03/02/2017 23:13

DH did this to me a few years ago - I sat and cried nearly all day

No card gift or cake!!

So his birthday I did the same to him

I think he had a bit if an awakening!!

We get so little as it is, it's his job to show the kids how to treat Mum

Tomorrow I have tickets for a show and a prepaid meal for me and my friends - I got cakes and wine yesterday as he's in meetings -

What I'm say is - you can train him to treat you better

FoundNeverland · 03/02/2017 23:14

Just to clarify - are you split up from your husband or did I read the OP wrong?

PlacidPenelope · 03/02/2017 23:14

I think that's really horrible of your husband, OP, and you're right the message it sends loud and clear is that he doesn't care enough about you, it's utterly inexcusable and thoughtless.

Even if he cares not a jot about presents or cards on his own birthday he knows you do care when it comes to yours but he just couldn't be bothered to make the effort for you.

I would have to tell him exactly how I felt.

nickelbeingnormal · 03/02/2017 23:16

No, she said "even if we were split up..."
So if they didn't live together she'd expect him to sort a present from.the kids.

Lillabet · 03/02/2017 23:22

BlimeyShock neither OP nor 19lottie82 ABU!
My DH is always saying how crap he is at romantic gestures etc (he's taken me out for a total of 3 romantic meals in 19 years of being together, nearly 15 married) but he always gets me a birthday card and flowers and/or Hotel Chocolat and he always gets me a card from the kids at least (and a Lego game for the PS3 Grin). He has reminders set up on his phone for precisely this reason, so he doesn't forget (he has to be reminded when his own birthday isHmm - birthdays aren't particularly important to him but he gets they are for others).
I mentioned to him that both of you had nothing for your birthdays and he was appalled which to be fair for him is quite something and he agrees YANBU (trust me when I say that's a rare occurrenceWink).
Perhaps a clip round the ears of small reminder to those significant in your lives that you are important and that forgetting birthdays is not on (even if it requires setting reminders on phones/computers/in diaries/on calendarsHmm) and in fact very hurtful to you is in order (you shouldn't have to but it would appear this is unfortunately requiredSad).
I hesitate to say LTB (just in case this is a symptom of something more serious) but perhaps going on strike is in order too?Wink
To both the OP and 19lottie82, belated birthday wishes and CakeWineFlowersGin and possibly a suggestion of treating yourself to whatever you fancy at their expense

Original poster
user1486161908 · 03/02/2017 23:32

paxillinsdragon you made me laugh- defo too long but I am wallowing!! Grin thanks so much for all the lovely messages, feel a bit better now and not just like an irrational female.
I had it out with him tonight and he agreed that it wasn't good and he should have sorted something... said things kept coming up.. however he was straight to sleep as soon as his head hit the pillow and I'm still up mulling things over in an upset manner drinking ciderBlush I think I'm also slightly worried that it is a symptom of something bigger, first time this has happened in nine years, things haven't been perfect recently, perhaps he's just not that bothered anymore. As I drink more cider....

OP posts:
ohtheholidays · 03/02/2017 23:36

That's really shit OP!

Happy Belated Birthday Flowers Cake Wine Gin

Have you spoken to him about it?Do you spoil him on his Birthday?

I honestly don't know what's wrong with some people,if you love someone make an effort for them,it's not hard and it doesn't have to cost a fortune!

My DH makes an effort for my birthday and we have 5DC and 2 of our DC are disabled and I make an effort for my DH's birthday and I've suffered brain damage(I can forget my own birthdays coming up so I set up reminders for my DH's birthday for myself so I don't forget)and I'm disabled now so we have alot going on but we still remember and do something nice for each other.

I hope he feels really bad and does something really nice to make it up to you.

Original poster
user1486161908 · 03/02/2017 23:43

Thanks ohtheholidays sounds like a good system you have there! Ah yeah it's definitely just the gesture I wanted rather than much money being spent, I wanted to be thought about!!

OP posts:
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