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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed that people think something's wrong with my DS?

70 replies

Jennyfromthehood · 03/02/2017 14:33

My DS has just turned 16 months. My DD was an early talker, by 16 Months was very talkative.

My DS says Mama (not dada), can roar when he sees a dinosaur, baa when he sees a sheep. He babbles a lot and babbles as if he's trying to say something to me but it makes no sense.

HV said he's behind on his speech. Other mothers I know say that there's something wrong with him because he can't yet speak e.g autism

I've only ever had experience with my DD who was very vocal. I'm extremely upset about these comments and don't know what to do. Do I need to start taking him to speech therapy? How do I go about it?!

OP posts:

YouHadMeAtCake · 03/02/2017 15:29

As likemother and others have said , don't listen and dont let it worry you! My DN had my sister worried as he was not speaking until about 2 and a half but he never stops talking now! My DD was ahead of both my DS. Friends girls were usually ahead of their boys too. Both my DS took longer . Now they are grown up ,at work and UNI and they are both talking just fine

PoisonousSmurf · 03/02/2017 15:31

As long as he can understand instructions, then there is no problem. He is bidding his time and will talk when ready in full sentences.

CheerfulMuddler · 03/02/2017 15:32

PS Because I'm like that, when mine had his one year check, I looked up the test online and worked out what marks he'd got. He was behind on speech too. They said he was totally fine and not to worry.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 03/02/2017 15:32

My DS (15 months) can say quite a few words but will go for stretches of time where he barely says anything.

He can say daddy, mama, nana (for banana), there, yeah, and hi.

I've heard him say all of those words, and in context. But today he's barely said a word, and he's been quiet the last few days. I do worry sometimes as to why he seems so unwilling to talk, but he's very sociable, and happy. I think it comes down to mood, mostly. Most of us will have days when we are quieter than usual. Daddy is his favourite word and he says it all the time, but he doesn't even want to say that at the moment. He hardly ever says mama even though I know he can say it.

It's hard not to worry. I don't think they can properly assess speech development delays at this age.

A1Sharon · 03/02/2017 15:32

I have 3 sons, one of them has aspergers.
Not one of them was 'talking' when they were 2yo. They could say Mama etc, the odd animal sound, but that was it. It is totally normal.
I would say if you were concerned at 2.6yo then you could ask for some advice from HCP. Buyt at 16m it is not a cause for concern.
Most of the boys I know were they same too, they didn't talk much before 2 either.

whitecloud · 03/02/2017 15:41

Jenny - I agree with the point that children vary very much. I think all this so many words by such and such an age is very restrictive. I hope this is of some comfort. My nephew didn't talk much until his sister, who was very talkative, went to playgroup and school! He had to talk more then and is a very intelligent person with a university degree!

CHJR · 03/02/2017 15:41

Another one saying don't fret. I do have one DS with autism, but as it happens he wasn't delayed in speech at 16 months. In fact even at 2.5 years, the HV insisted there was nothing wrong because he could name the basic colours. By 3 he had fallen off a cliff developmentally and stopped saying anything at all.

My two totally neuro-typical children both had words at 1 or so, then fell more or less silent till they popped out with simple sentences around 2 yo and after.

I would say a better (I mean worse) sign of autism at 16 months would be if you child weren't interacting with people or showing any interest in the world around him. That is what sent me to the HV at 2.5 years, and that is clearly not the case with your DS. So try not to worry.

LightTripper · 03/02/2017 15:44

We have been referred to speech and language for our DD (2.5) for various (slightly atypical) reasons, and my perception is that there is very little they would do before 2 anyway (nothing you wouldn't be doing yourself at home - talking to him and trying to engage him with books, naming things, etc.)

Out of my friends with similar aged kids a few were behind on speech (mainly boys) and most have now caught up. They are all 2.5 now and even the ones that haven't caught up it's very unclear whether they actually have a problem or will catch up in due course. There seems to be a lot of natural variation until they are at least 4 or 5.

I don't think it is a bad thing to be on the HV "radar" if he is a little bit behind, as it means you will be able to access any help you need if/when you do need it. I would ask your HV what the next steps would be and whether he needs to be seen by a speech and language therapist, or whether you just wait to see how he develops (and if the latter, for how long/what is the next assessment point). Sounds like they have not been great at communication so far...

But try not to panic too much (easier said than done I know, I've been there!) It sounds like he is communicating with you, just not so much in words yet. Even if there is a "delay" of some kind there are a huge number of things it could be other than autism, and autism itself is a very variable spectrum.

greenfolder · 03/02/2017 15:45

oldest dd spoke in sentences at 18 mths

middle dd cant remember

10 year gap

youngest dd was slow with speech but I didn't really notice/worry on the grounds of every child different
started NHS speech therapy at 3. started private speech therapy at 4. she could be understood by the end of reception ( so 5 and a half)
don't panic by any means, don't ignore it though.
if you need speech therapy go private

Crosstrees · 03/02/2017 15:46

Another don't-worry anecdote from me: my eldest didn't say a coherent word until the age of two. Before that, plenty of babbling and shouting, and imitating animals etc. She didn't really speak in proper sentences until around three.

Now she's six and very talkative with a great vocabulary.

maddiemookins16mum · 03/02/2017 15:47

Yep, DD just blethered (a lot) at that age. But I knew she understood pretty much all I said to her. I'd say it was too early to be overly concerned about his speech at that age.

Dailylurker · 03/02/2017 15:50

My 17 month old can only say mummy, and that's the only word she has (no animal sounds that you'd understand) but she can communicate and make herself understood without words.

I have a stepson with autism and not talking can be a sign but my goodness, 16 month is very young, personally I would tell your friends to mind their own business and not start worrying for at least another 6 months!

ems137 · 03/02/2017 16:00

My DS didn't say a single word until he was older than 2, not mama or dada, no waving, no babbling, no animal noises....nothing but grunting and pointing at things.

I panicked and went to HV who referred him to speech therapy, we had 1 or 2 play sessions with them and gave up.

By 2 and a half his speech just came straight on, I just carried on reading and talking to him and also not speaking for him and he just did it. He also didn't walk until 13 months.

He's now a very intelligent 10 year old who's always been in the top groups in his class.

TowerOfJoyless · 03/02/2017 16:00

I agree with lovely. Your HV sounds like a prize idiot.

Babbaganush · 03/02/2017 16:10

Was it just a passing comment by HV ie something to note and keep a watch on or was she actually raising concerns and suggesting a follow up. If the former then just keep an eye on him, but if she thinks it should be followed up then it would be wise to do so. It is a huge jump to go from speech delay straight to autism, there are so many reasons for speech delay!!!

My dd was an early talker, ds was not, I was not concerned but my HV raised concerns, she had noticed that he was not making eye contact or playing in an age appropriate way and referred for developmental testing, speech therapy and hearing tests. My ds does have autism and had a working diagnosis of global delay and autism before he was 3, confirmed a few months later. I am so grateful my HV was alert and spotted it early as I didn't.

DJBaggySmalls · 03/02/2017 16:21

DS couldn't talk any more than your DS and didnt stand or walk til he was 18 months. He was dyspraxic for years but ahead in language and reading.
Your DS shows he can understand context, I wouldnt worry.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 03/02/2017 16:26

As Babba posted definitely follow up with the HV as to what she is seeing that is causing a concern.

My DD was a late developer. She didn't say much more than 'NO!!!' and 'Onion' until she started talking in three word sentences at her second birthday party. Her hearing was tested and she was assessed and was referred for speech, cognitive, and occupational therapy when she was 18 months old (not in the UK here) as she was 6 months behind on everything. By the age of 3 it was apparent that there wasn't a syndrome or disorder causing the delay, she was just a late developer. I am glad we had the assessment done and the therapy certainly helped her keep reasonable pace with other children her age. It also meant if she had had a problem it would have been spotted and a plan put in place for getting her the help she needed as early as possible.

She has now more than caught up academically and verbally. She tends to lag so far behind that I start thinking I should contact a teacher or doctor and then she'll make a sudden leap and jump ahead of her peers.

Floggingmolly · 03/02/2017 16:27

I'm totally at a 16 month old being "behind in his speech". None of mine spoke much at all before two. I thought this was normal, and nobody disabused me of the notion...They're all perfectly fine.

vj32 · 03/02/2017 16:29

My son was referred by a HV to speech therapy at 16 months. The HV was being useless, and the SALT was pretty stunned as they'd not had a referral that young. He was assessed and was found to be behind, he was pretty much non verbal and didn't mimic speech sounds or chat to himself. He was assessed again just before he was 2 and had speech therapy, we all did loads of work with him on speech and used Makaton. He had a hearing test and a full development check by a Dr rather than the HV.

By 2 and 4 months he was speaking and mixing words with Makaton.

By 2 years 6 months he was talking in sentences and only using Makaton if he was really stuck, although he still pronounced some of the more difficult sounds wrong.

He was signed off by SALT at 3 as being at the bottom of normal range.
When he finished Reception at 5 and a month, they graded him as having better speech than expected for his age!

There is loads you can do on speech if you are concerned. Have a look here: www.talkingpoint.org.uk
I would just keep an eye on it, but introducing Makaton to re enforce speech definitely can't hurt!

cestlavielife · 03/02/2017 16:29

13 months is not a late walker! that would be 24 months ....
dont worry or compare, but rather than speech look at the overall picture.

eg is he developing play skills appropriately
joint attention, things like that.
if hv mentions it again then you could ask hv to refer for assessment - that will take few months anyway so by the time it comes around either he is fine and you dont need it or you want to go thru with it.

these are the things to look out for in a couple of months -
www.paains.org.uk/Autism/chat.htm

vj32 · 03/02/2017 16:31

Phrase that was used by the SALT to describe my son's issue wasn't lack of speech it was 'lack of verbal expression'. He just didn't see the point of making speech sounds.

Fireandflames666 · 03/02/2017 16:41

My son is 19 months and can only say hiya, all gone, thank you, bye and car. My daughter waa uaing full sentences by his age, lol. All kids are different.

Patchouli666 · 03/02/2017 16:44

My second daughter was slow at talking too. And walking she is fine now at 16! She was just a few months behind, back then, my hv said it was common in children who had a sibling a few years older than them - they don't need to talk as the older sibling tends to fetch and carry and interpret for them. Could this be going on with your kids?

CupOfTeaAndAbiscuitPlease · 03/02/2017 16:44

There is more to autism then just delayed speech so ignore your friends. My son is autistic and speech has never been an issue

CupOfTeaAndAbiscuitPlease · 03/02/2017 16:45

Ds2 didn't walk until 14mths. Had no need to when he could bum shuffle far quicker

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