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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Stressed, upset, pregnant.

63 replies

Justsayin2889 · 02/02/2017 19:20

I'm literally sat here feeling so upset right now, dh is working and did in bed.

Basically I am 28 weeks pregnant, already have a toddler. When I was pregnant with my daughter nearly 2 years ago, a 'friend', a woman who me and my dh see a lot of along with her dh and go for holidays with etc treated me like utter crap. It started with me texting her to announce my pregnancy she then took 3 days to reply despite being on Facebook sharing pics etc, but replied 3 days later to say 'sorry, been ill, congrats'. From that moment on her behaviour turned nasty. She deleted me off Facebook, and her 14 year son did too. I was then bombarded with text messages from them both asking why I had removed them from Facebook, but I hadn't and all seemed strange. I sent them friend requests, 2 weeks later the same thing happened, with them both. It wasn't happening with my dh, just me. Things got heated and I said I didn't care for mind games etc. she protested her and her son didn't delete me but her son let slip and it all became clear that they both had. We agreed to not have each other on Facebook and move on but I was subject to comments, such as how awful I looked on a pic my partner posted of me on Facebook, he posted it because he thought I looked lovely yet she said I looked 'fucking awful'. Cheers Smile Then when I was 39 weeks pregnant she said that she was at the card shop and saw a baby girl card but didn't buy it in case something happens, and she superstitious like that. I honestly couldn't catch my breath and I was really upset over it. My dh wasn't too impressed either. When the baby was born she didn't come to see her, her dh did and her son but she said 'her eyes were hurting ' so couldn't make it. Most people probably would have ran a mile, but I stupidly forgave her for all of this and we've been ok since, until now.

Forward 18 months and I am now 28 weeks pregnant. When we found out we were having a boy we announced it on Facebook and it was the first announcement we had made on there about our pregnancy. I wrote a status and so did my dh, but she only commented on his and when she did she just wrote 'congrats simon!' Whereas everyone else bar my Sil who has been awful towards me over the years said congrats both. She knows the history with me and SIL and I felt at the time she only wrote that because she did. But I never mentioned it and have since had nights at my house with her,,her dh and my dh and have not mentioned her sidelining me. Her dh and mine get on really well and are like best mates. I also get on with her dh, he's a great guy.

My SIL ended up accusing me of making our pregnancies competitions by announcing it on Facebook and it all got out of hand. I stupidly confided in this 'friend' about it and almost to the day of me doing that she made a point of writing on her Facebook 'hope everything is ok and hope all goes well with the baby'. She's only met SIL once, yet she must have wrote at least 5 different things on her Facebook about her pregnancy, quite kind hearted messages. Her son (now16) has also done the same and today has written on my mil Facebook wishing my SIL all the best for the birth etc. it seems very pointed and completely ungenuine and I never got anything in the way of a kind message when I was pregnant, and this person is meant to be a friend? SIL she has met once? Hmmm. To top it off I realised later that her son has deleted me off Facebook. It's totally pathetic I know, but he was on there last week and now he's deleted me. So I messaged her and said yet again here we are, James has deleted me blah blah blah, I'm just messaging you because I no doubt will receive mesaages from you both like last time accusing me, I want to make it clear I haven't deleted James. She text back saying yeah he has deleted you because he knows u hate him. This is a lad with learning difficulties, a lad who I make a point of talking to and asking how he is every single time I see him, he always hugs me goodbye when we see each other, and the last time I saw him he have me a big hug and said bye, see you soon, he always does it. I don't understand why he now would think I hate him. I believe she has been saying things to him.

I basically said I feel like we are here again and the exact same thing happened when I was pregnant last time, I also told her how it hasn't gone unnoticed about her extensive messaging to SIL, a woman she's met once, yet I didn't get a peep and I've known her for 6 years, she text back and told me to grow the fuck up.

Now this whole Facebook stuff may seem totally childish, and I realise a part of it is, but this isn't because of me, I am left feeling totally and utterly upset and hurt, I feel I've been treated like a mug by this woman and I have no idea why. I have a stressful job, work long hours, I've probably cocked up and hundreds of things today because of it, I've totally ignored my dd tonight because I've been so upset about it all.

OP posts:
Imamouseduh · 02/02/2017 20:51

I gave up halfway through reading that. You sound like you're about 12.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 02/02/2017 20:54

You must be into the drama of it all or else why wouldn't you just have blocked her and moved on years ago? YOU are engaging with it all, fuelling this weirdness.
Stop it.

Figgygal · 02/02/2017 21:01

You are letting her wind you up just delete and move on it sounds ridiculously petty from both sides and why do you want to be friends with her son on FB anyway??

WayfaringStranger · 02/02/2017 21:11

She sounds horrible and I don't understand why you haven't cut her out of your life. I don't see why you'd be "friends" with a teenager either.

Justsayin2889 · 02/02/2017 21:12

They all blocked a few hours ago. I don't want to be friends with a 15 year old, that isn't the issue. The issue is that I know she's feeding him some bollocks, which has caused him to do that. The issue is this happened last time and it's starting to affect my self esteem or something, it's just wound me up her pathetic mind games.

OP posts:
Chinnygirl · 02/02/2017 21:12

I really don't understand why you just don't break with her. Kick her off of facebook, do not talk to her or her son, dont text her or email but ignore forever. I mean why would you even discuss this, do you like the drama?

Justsayin2889 · 02/02/2017 21:13

The teenager was a son of our friends, that's how me and my DH view it. He's just a kid, of course I don't need his friendship! It's just the principle and knowing she's behind it. Just feel stabbed in the back. Again.

OP posts:
Justsayin2889 · 02/02/2017 21:14

No I don't like the drama! I genuinely am upset/angry about it. I know I need to let go now and forget it but it has got me raging.

OP posts:
GallivantingWildebeest · 02/02/2017 21:17

Oh my God. Let it go. Forget her. Block her off everything and don't give her another thought.

I can't see why you've given her so much headspace. She's a loon.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 02/02/2017 21:22

No I don't like the drama! I genuinely am upset/angry about it

Then what is all the re-adding to FB shite about? You said the whole thing started with her deleting you, if you had just left it at that, none of the rest of it would have happened. But YOU repeatedly sent new friend requests, YOU had heated arguments when it wasn't necessary. They aren't even your friends! WTF were you thinking?

unfortunateevents · 02/02/2017 21:26

Seriously, you sound about 17. Block her and stop with all the drama about why she blocked you, which pics she is liking, what comments she is writing etc etc. It's FB, not real life! Seriously, who has time to notice who comments on what, not only on your timeline but on other people's as well?

EatTheChocolateTeapot · 02/02/2017 21:34

I don't think you enjoy drana OP, I think you have low boundaries which make you accept crap from people.
Just block her and ask your DH to do the same as she clearly uses commenting on his FB to get at you.
She sounds like she wants to prove she is superior to you or something akin to that (perhaps a narcissist). In any case, she is not worth your time.

ambereeree · 02/02/2017 23:46

OP I can't believe you didn't engage with your poor dd because of ”facebook drama.” If you get this upset over likes and comments you really shouldn't be using it. Honestly you need to stop thinking about these people who aren't even your actual friends.

scaryteacher · 02/02/2017 23:54

OP Get off FB fgs, and play with your dd. Also please note, that 50 isn't 'older', at least from my perspective.

I fail to understand why people live their lives via FB, or want details of their existence to be shared online. Get a life.

streetch · 03/02/2017 00:00

This all seems very familiar, did you post about this before? I agree with everyone else, life is too short for the drama and analysis of horrible people. She adds nothing positive to your life, ignore her and move on.

Singasongofsadness · 03/02/2017 00:51

Yanbu

viques · 03/02/2017 01:07

YABU in that you are allowing this woman inside your head. If you can't cope with the nastiness that is Facebook then either weed out your friends list so that it only contains people you like and trust, then bump up your security so that they are the only ones who can see your stuff, or get off Facebook altogether.

you have more important things to think about, like your toddler and your new baby.

Isetan · 03/02/2017 02:25

You can't control this woman's behaviour but you sure as hell should be able to control your own. Get a grip and stop achting like a teenage girl.

KittyWindbag · 03/02/2017 02:41

You and your husband both should just block her on your social media. You don't need this kind of petty stress in your pregnancy.

Kindly ask any mutual friends you have not to relay any information about her back to you and vice versa.

Right now she's thriving off of knowing that all these little digs aren't hurting you. She can't hurt you if you or husband have absolutely no contact.

She's jealous and sounds a bit loopy TBH.

KittyWindbag · 03/02/2017 02:43

Ffs I meant the digs ARE hurting you.

It is all really childish and I think you know that.

SingingInTheRainstorm · 03/02/2017 02:58

It sounds like she is jealous so keeping her at arms length is best for your sanity. I would delete her off FB unless she has one of them car crash accounts a bit like sick on the pavement. Don't give her the satisfaction of thinking she's getting the upper hand.
Don't confide in her about anything in the future, she can't be trusted, most likely using what you've said against you.
She sounds like a total delight to socialise with.

1AngelicFruitCake · 03/02/2017 03:43

Ignored your dd? Is this woman's view of you so important that you've ignored your little girl?! This woman would be annoyed if you didn't react, smiled sweetly and acted like you hadn't noticed anything. Stop feeding her drama.

Moonywormtailpadfootprongs · 03/02/2017 03:45

You both seem petty.

Delete the woman ... and remove her from your Facebook and life!

Jesus Christ! Biscuit

catwoman0815 · 03/02/2017 05:23

you sound like a teenager yourself.

just block them on facebook. or maybe better, remove youself off facebook and get a life. you seem to totally over invested in this facebook nonsense.

sillygoof · 03/02/2017 06:55

To be honest I would be upset about this sort of thing too, I take things very personally. How much time do you spend with her in real life? If she's this nuts and upsetting you this much, you need to get your husband on side - and if it doesn't stop, you need to stop seeing them both. I don't think he could carry on seeing them if she treats you like this. She sounds like a kid.

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