to think potential boyfriend should pay for the bill?

[mrslooce]

Went out on a 3rd day, bill came up, and I offered to pay. He said not to worry, I then asked if he was sure and then he said okay why don't we go halfs each? We paid halves each.

AIBU to think he should have then said it was fine? Please be honest.

Why would you not pay half unless you are a child or you've time warped back about a hundred years? There was a very long thread on this very subject recenty in Reationships - suggest you have a read: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2831803-Dating-should-the-man-pay

My DP likes to pay, as in he likes to be the one dealing with the money/card. Often it's the joint account or if I'm taking him out then I give him the cash/card. It doesn't matter to me, but it does to him. And tbh I find it cute and amusing.

I think some men still think this way, same as with holding open a door etc.
If OP wants to find that sort of man then fine. But be cautious about other areas that might be old fashioned too.

Also for me depends on who is taking who out. If it's a mutual meet up then 50/50 sounds fair. If he insisted on taking you out to this new place or whatever then I think he should, just as I think you should if you took him out.

Where Do people get this sudden 'delicate Victorian flower' persona when asked to split a bill.

Yes its nice to be treat, but seriously to expect it all the time (which I get the hint you do....did he pay the previous dates also??) is incredibly offside. He's possibly a bit hacked off with paying for everything while you interview him as a 'potential boyfriend' .....and would have been equally within his rights to have YOU pay.

Halfs is fine

When you say "potential boyfriend"- did he actually ask you on a date or is it more like a "friends and let's see where it goes" type thing. If so, he might feel like he's being too pushy insisting on paying, especially if he feels you're not even sure you want to take it further?
Have you arranged to see each other again?

If I'm honest, DH always insisted on paying for everything when we were dating, but this was 16 years ago. Maybe it's all changed?

I work on the basis that whoever asks the other out pays for the first date (but the other person should offer to go halves, and be turned down unless they picked the location & it was expensive), on the second date the other person pays ("no you paid last time, I'll get it this time") and then after that you either take it in turns, go halves or one bit is paid for by one and another by the other (i.e. food v cinema tickets).
(Not that it works like that in my life - I either meet someone who insists on paying for their own part for everything, or someone where I end paying for everything every time!)

For the first dates I always think you should pay halves unless it's been previously discussed that one party will pay.

When you're in a relationship take it in turns to treat each other.

I honestly didn't realise it was a real thing that the man should pay, I feel like it's a bit like they're buying your company or could be expecting to buy you into bed.

The first date DH and I went on, he paid. Second one he cooked something and third one didn't have any food in it. Think we vaguely took it in turns after that. Or maybe paid half each? I shouldn't really have let him pay the first time but he wanted to and so I let him.

Warwick - I can see what you mean, but when we were dating it never occurred to me that DH was "buying" my company - or anything else! Also I did offer to pay fairly regularly until he told me to stop doing that as it was embarrassing for him. So I used to just arrange other things instead.

He said it was fine, You questioned it, he thought you weren't happy for him to pay all of it and he suggested halves. Was he supposed to read from that that he should fight to pay?

This ^

Saf1ya I expect that if you offer and they keep insisting then yeah that's fine. I just think when it's the expectation that the man is paying what is their expectation from you?

Obviously it's not always that way, it just seems like a transaction to me. I'd always expect to pay my way unless it was previously discussed, for example if they wanted to go somewhere very expensive that I couldn't afford.

It's the expectation that I object to, it's nice to be treated but it's not a treat if you demand it. Feels very anti feminist to me.

'Are you sure' in that context never actually means 'are you sure'

It means, 'OK then.. but I can't be seen to be accepting you offer without at least trying to pretend to protest a little'.

Looks like this is one time when someone has taken 'are you sure' literally.

Clearly, he wasn't sure at all!

You asked him 'are you sure', I'm guessing he thought you weren't happy with him paying the bill so he suggested a compromise

YABU

You asked to pay, he said it was fine, you asked again and rather than saying no or arguing about it, he compromised with paying half each.

If you didn't expect to pay, don't ask as yes is as valid an answer as no; and if you did, you got what you wanted so what's the problem?

Huh what? I would always offer and expect to go halves on any date. Why should the man pay?

If I was out with someone and they absolutely insisted on paying then fine, I'd make sure I paid next time.