Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I can't do another day

36 replies

fuxxake · 31/01/2017 19:06

I don't think I can. I've got a teething baby screaming day and night, a toddler who's fantastic bless her but still blags my head from dawn till bedtime, and an unbelievable amount of shit to deal with besides. Most people don't have in a lifetime what we've had happen in the last fortnight. I'm well aware how lucky I am that everyone is ok and healthy etc but that's not really helping me at the moment. I feel ready to kill someone or collapse but there's no one to pick up the pieces. So I carry on but I'm cracking. I cry loads, I scream at the kids all the time then feel shit and cry again. I have panic attacks. Feel like I'm physically drowning. Sorry self-indulgent twaddle.

OP posts:
PamplemousseRouge · 31/01/2017 19:09
Flowers
ssd · 31/01/2017 19:10

first of all, Thanks

second, is there anyone at all who could give you an evening off? we never had time off either and I know how utterly draining and soul destroying this is

lastly, I think you need to speak to your gp, I'm not expert but I think you need help with the stress you are under

I'm sorry, I know how hard it is at that age, I remember it well and its awful

ConfessorKahlan · 31/01/2017 19:12

Have you got a friend, or family member that can help? Perhaps take one of the kids or both to give you a break?

How about a session in a creche or nursery?

It is not self-indulgent twaddle. You are obviously having a hard time.

ssd · 31/01/2017 19:12

I wish you were near me, I'd help, I've been there. (Scotland?)

Ilovecaindingle · 31/01/2017 19:13

I too have had a load on these past few weeks - I have put all but 1 issue to the back of my mind and dealt with a thing a day - down to 1 thing left to sort and everyday a box ticked I have felt a bit stronger. I haven't anyone in rl to talk to and it's been tough but slowly getting through it all. Sure you will too. Don't feel bad if you need to have a sofa session with the toddler with a film and snacks. Really helped me unwind the other night!!

CrispPacket · 31/01/2017 19:14

Have you got anyone around friends/family/DP to help? Sounds like you need a shoulder! Flowers I had a horrible car accident a couple of months ago and was really lucky to be alive...that was brilliant for the first few weeks but now people telling me how lucky I am whilst hardly being able to walk properly doesnt help so dont feel guilty or anything about not being grateful enough that "everyone is ok and healthy etc but that's not really helping me at the moment". Feel free to be self indulgent Sending hugs

ollieplimsoles · 31/01/2017 19:14

Where abouts are you op? FlowersFlowers

loveulotslikejellytots · 31/01/2017 19:15

It's crap sometimes. And then you feel bad for thinking the way you do. I think most people have been there. I have. Don't beat yourself up. I'm in east Kent and willing to help, if you're anywhere near pm me x

formerbabe · 31/01/2017 19:20

One thing to hang onto is the fact that nothing stays the same...Things won't always be like this Flowers

Trifleorbust · 31/01/2017 19:22
Flowers

Same as PP have asked. What support do you have or can you access?

Monkeyface26 · 31/01/2017 19:22

Are you in the UK? Do you have a Health Visitor who could you could talk to? Mine was v good after the birth of my 2nd dd. Do Home Start operate in your area? They might be able to offer you an extra pair of hands for a few hours a week.
If you're near Oxfordshire, I'll come & be your extra pair of hands. Hang in there and go easy on yourself.

Original poster
fuxxake · 31/01/2017 19:44

You lot have made me cry again. But in a nicer way. Thank you all for the offers and flowers. I haven't got any RL support outside of DH. We are ships in the night, he works away a lot and is up to his eyes trying to sort the fallout from the last two weeks (it's not as intriguing as it may seem, there's a load of insurance/legal issues and building works) and at weekends he tends to visit his mother a lot. I moved to this area when we settled down together and although I have some nice acquaintances there's no one I feel I can dump on. Thank you MNers tho, for the responses and for reminding me the hard shit is not forever.
"It's a phase it'll pass"

I've repeated that so much for months now.
The duvet day with toddler sounds great but the baby won't stop crying for long enough at the mo. Poor toddler, she just gets on playing by herself while I fall apart. I hate the constant guilt that I'm not doing enough with her, feeding her healthily, giving her fun days etc.

I'll have to dry my eyes and do it all again tmrw won't I?

OP posts:
CheckpointCharlie2 · 31/01/2017 19:47

Is dh's mother ill? He needs to support you a bit more at the weekend maybe?

EatTheChocolateTeapot · 31/01/2017 19:57

Calpol for baby
Look up local childminders, perhaps toddler can have a play there while you nap with the baby?
Could your DH take some time off? It is exceptional circumstances.

ollieplimsoles · 31/01/2017 20:03

Why isn't your dh helping you more on weekends? He could take the toddler out while you have one to one time with baby and vice versa!

sillygoof · 31/01/2017 20:11

Don't ever feel like it's self indulgent - you've got so much on your plate with the kids, never mind anything else! The suggestions above to deal with one thing a day is great. And don't worry about letting things 'slide' - if you're all warm, dry and fed by the end of the day that's enough, so no ironing etc. Pick your battles - if the toddler won't brush her teeth, maybe give her a day off! And take any offer of help you can get - remember all mums are in the same boat really, so mums at playgroups or whatever would understand if you wanted to offload. Coming on here is a good start.

You don't mention the age of the youngest

  • is there any chance you're feeling a bit of post natal depression?
kissmethere · 31/01/2017 20:16

What painkiller are you using? My DS had me like this and it's only when I used iboprufen that there was any relief.

Original poster
fuxxake · 31/01/2017 21:22

Mil isn't ill but is on her own and quite old. Not sure how much she expects it of him and how much is his guilt complex (and also maybe just wanting an escape!) but I can't really begrudge him visiting her. He does take the toddler a lot of the time which is great. He didn't last weekend tho and I guess I was already on the edge and the lack of break is tipping me over.
Baby is almost 9months and has been difficult from the start. She's a funny, lovely little thing but oh my god is she clingy and cries SO GODDAM MUCH!!! And sleeps so little ffs. And yes I'm calpolling her at the mo.
I don't know if it's too far along for PND per se but yes I do suffer from bouts of depression from time to time. I don't have meds but I have things I do to help sort of fight the black cloud until it passes again. I haven't had a bout for months and didn't see this as the same but actually I do feel the same sense of lethargy and hopelessness and anxiety. I almost feel relieved I can stop floundering and work on trying to sleep/eat better (hahahaha as if I'll get chance) and force myself to get out more.

I'm overwhelmed at the lovely support of pp, offers to come and help if I was local etc. I feel very alone and miserable when I posted earlier and who would have thought a bunch of anonymous posters on t'internet could make me feel I'd actually had a warm hug! (Course it helps that both babies are incredibly asleep for a time and I've finally had some food and a hot cuppa)
Here's some flowers back for everyone FlowersFlowersFlowers
and let's hope tonight is peaceful. Tmrw is a new day Smile

OP posts:
HughJarss · 31/01/2017 21:26

You are doing a marvellous job. You'll get through this. Keep on top of the calpol for the baby and try to give yourself some credit. It's fucking hard but it will get easier 🌺

sillygoof · 31/01/2017 21:30

You're breaking my heart! You are really strong, you know, to be doing what you're doing. I have a nearly 3 year old and a 10 week old, and have loads of support and help but it's HARD. So give yourself a break, don't be so hard on yourself! Try to talk to your husband and ask him to stay home this weekend? (I understand that dilemma in a way too, but it's me who has the elderly, lonely, disabled parent and the guilt is horrendous).

imjessie · 31/01/2017 21:35

My son cried for the first year , I feel your pain!!! Can you afford to pay for help ? That's what I did in the end .. made life a lot more manageable !.. he is 5 and still very needy now but those early days were god awful ...

Original poster
fuxxake · 31/01/2017 22:16

Godawful is right. And I feel sad and guilty about poor DD1 who gets left to her own devices so much. Can't afford to pay for help unfort, we had to take DD1 out of nursery last year (she used to do 2 days pw) as money is tight and now the house has quite literally fallen down in parts there's def no money for childcare.

OP posts:
Twopeapods · 31/01/2017 22:31

Where are you OP?
I could have written your posts word for word 18 months ago. Exact same non sleeping crying clingy baby and a 3yo toddler who had no attention and left to it. And I absolutely promise you things will get better, little bit at a time. You will get through this.
How far away is MIL? Do you drive or does your MIL drive?
Do you have friends in your area?
I think the biggest hurdle is getting more sleep. And at my wits end I did the thing I really didn't want to do. Crying it out. And I hated it and it took a month. But it helped a lot! Would you do this? Why does baby cry? For feeding or cuddling? Mine was for a bottle and I would still give her the bottle then straight back to bed. Where she would scream until she was sick but it was a quick phase and after a few weeks she just went straight to sleep.

The older one. Can you arrange play dates? At a soft play etc for a coffee? We had a walk in gymnastic session locally and I would force myself to carry the little one round while helping DD1 climb on things, and once you get to know other people in classes like that they usually will help the olde one out. Would your MIL take one of the children for a while?

I absolutely feel for you and getting teary thinking about it as I can remember how bad I felt. I am in central Scotland so absolutely pm if you are close by. Flowers

Middleagedmumoftwo · 31/01/2017 22:41

Do you have Homestart near you? I used to volunteer for them, basically it's an organisation that supports families with pre schoolers that are struggling for any reason. I used to visit a mum with three young children for a couple of hours every week, sometimes we would take the kids out together or I would play with them while she had a rest. They are very underfunded though and I know lots of them have been closed over the years but google it and see if there's one near you.

Twopeapods · 31/01/2017 22:41

Other sleep aids for baby. A vapour lavender plug, a night light, white noise or lullaby music while going to sleep, Vickes for feet (my youngest sleeps better even if there is no cold with it) something you wear like a cardi nearby so she can smell your scent.
And I think 9 months is when both mine resisted the sleep routine massively but after a month or two it was better.
Does she nap during the day? If you know you are gonna get a solid hour somewhere in the day do a puzzle/picture/cake decorating with older one. Forget the housework! I think housework was a major stress for me and I wish I hadn't bothered so much. Xx

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.