To think I can't do another day

[fuxxake]

I don't think I can. I've got a teething baby screaming day and night, a toddler who's fantastic bless her but still blags my head from dawn till bedtime, and an unbelievable amount of shit to deal with besides. Most people don't have in a lifetime what we've had happen in the last fortnight. I'm well aware how lucky I am that everyone is ok and healthy etc but that's not really helping me at the moment. I feel ready to kill someone or collapse but there's no one to pick up the pieces. So I carry on but I'm cracking. I cry loads, I scream at the kids all the time then feel shit and cry again. I have panic attacks. Feel like I'm physically drowning. Sorry self-indulgent twaddle.

Dentinox on the baby rubber toothbrush? DC2 was hellish while teething

Twopea why does baby cry?
Pick any reason you wish! She's cried since day one for variety of reasons, reflux, illness... I think more recently it's mostly cuddle/night feed and she had improved but this current bout of teething with a rotten cough/cold has ruined all that. She usually naps ok in morn which is when I try to do housework but she's a nightmare to get to sleep in afternoon. She hasn't eaten or slept much at all for the last few days. I end up cosleeping most nights for peace. I don't like it and I don't relax with it but it's better than getting up every half hour and also her waking the toddler. I've tried literally all the sleep aids listed by pp hahaha. Something will work and I think great, cracked it. Then after a night or two, she's back to her old tricks again.
I'm in deepest darkest Wales with only sheep and leeks for company so not near any of the kind offers of help. Virtual help has made me smile tonight tho. And she's only woken once so far for about 20mins so I've had some peace this evening and sorted through more house crap with DH. The house problems have just added a whole pile of shit into the chaos and I think that's gettin me down. Everything's a mess here, stuff piled everywhere, leaking ceilings and dust and it'll be ages before it's all fixed up. I miss a tidy house, mess makes me anxious.
But hey! tomorrow is the first day of spring, where I come from anyway and everything is better in spring and summer

You say you've had a really intense time of late - you need to exhale. Bare minimum. Be kind to yourself. As long as you're responsive and kind to your toddler, she'll be happy. Telling yourself you're letting her down will just make you snappy and if you're anything like me, it takes five minutes of snappiness to undermine a week of decent parenting and then you just feel shit.

This isn't forever. Build up your reserves and be nice to you. Your little one needs to see you being kind to yourself as much as to her - then she'll do it too.

Firstly PND doesn't come with an expiry date...often it can be PTSD in disguise or just delayed onset.

Secondly other forms of depression are also available - but it sounds like you are well aware of that already!

Baby may be about to drop a nap which leads to massive sleep refusing and general shitty sleeping...but WILL PASS.

Have you tried the removing all sources of stimulation from the sleep space thing? DD was an absolute pain about sleeping, but removing everything from the room and making it very dark helped tremendously. NB. some babies are the opposite and prefer stuff around them to settle...so try both!

We have lost a whole room in our new build flawless house just to junk. It infuriates me every time I look in there, so I can empathize with your pain on this front. Can you get some spaces clear of stuff and then shut the door on the rest or is the problem systemic?

That's a shame , it has definitely affected my relationship with dd who luckily was 7 so able to look after herself a bit . She is now 13 and we are still rebuilding it but it's good . They thing no one understands is once you get a moments peace you want to sit in silence but you know you can't because your other child needs you . I didn't get pnd ( that I know of ) but As said above you can get it at any time , sometimes it creeps up on you .

Imjessie it does creep up and you don't realise you're in the throes of it and how you've changed. And yes yes yes! to just wanting to sit in silence for 20mins but being badgered (in a nice way) to do jigsaws and colouring etc.
I feel clearer today. I had a couple of hours to tidy round and eat last night before baby woke again. She was up a lot in the night but her cold seems to have cleared a bit this am and she's eaten breakfast for first time for a few days. And she's sleeping now!
It's a really nice mild sunny day here which helps. The constant dark grey damp weather really gets me down. And the insurance assessor and structural engineer are coming fri and mon resp so hopefully we can get things moving on the house front and stop living on a building site. Trying to only focus on positive today and ignore the shit lurking in the background.

Thanks Navy. I don't know if I'm that strong, I'm teary at the slightest thing these days. But I don't think I'm gonna kill anyone today. Bit embarrassed I spewed all that stuff out yesterday, I don't usually moan on like that.

Glad you are feeling better , I often just want to sit in silence ( and often do when I get to chance !!) now so I do totally get it .. glad you are feeling a bit better today . I think the weather spoils everything and brings everyone down so it's good you feel a bit brighter when they sun comes out . It always helps me !! Pm me if you want to chat .

op, MN is made for spewing out stuff so dont worry at all!