Did I handle this interaction with DCs school poorly?

[bakeofffan]

And if so what should I have done differently?

DC is in yr 11. Not terribly academic, a fairly middle of the road performer, but generally a 'good' ie non trouble making pupil in a slightly rough school. Will be going to college in Sept and not staying on in 6th form.

2 of DCs closest friends no longer attend school, one went to a special unit before starting college in yr 10, another is now home edded. Both missed long periods of school (up to a year) before these changes were made. This may or may not be relevant.

Previously DC had some occasions of not going to school, because they couldn't be bothered or were late and didn't want a late mark. This was in yr 8/9, we had a meeting with the attendance officer which largely resolved matters.

Since Sept, DC has had 3 days off due to brace fittings, 2 days with a stomach bug, 1 day when we all had awful colds just before Xmas, and then this weekend fell down the stairs at home so missed another day yesterday as was very stiff and sore (more mobile today so went in).

I appreciate the importance of attendance, etc. But I'm not sending DC to school if (in my judgment) they're not well enough to go, or they have an appt to attend.

Someone called me from the school today, I think the manager of attendance but she didn't tell me. She did however tell me how she's spoken to DC, told them attendance must improve. DC (who is a people pleaser) apologized, and agreed her suggestion they could have come in on those days - so she has said that DC must come in to school however ill they are and she'll decide if they can go home...

I wasn't happy with this - on every absence I know the reasons and it's been my decision. This felt like she was saying she knew better than me!

She then said she'd contact DCs dad for his agreement. I explained that he sees DC about once a month, not overnight, and so he had little input. She suggested a meeting with myself and 'dad' which I refused as we are NC and I'd like it to stay that way.

I did say I would attend a meeting myself if she could give me notice (as I work Ft so would need to rearrange meetings etc) or discuss it further but as I was at work - stepped out of a meeting to take the call - I couldn't go into it further then.

Which was met with a sigh/tut and a 'oh if you're in a meeting' which felt rather like she thought i wasn't in one at all!

I just feel this is a bit of a fuss over nothing. DCs lessons finish in early May, it's less than one full term, surely there are other children to focus on in lower years?

I think your attitude sounds fine and your judgement sounds fine.

It's gcse year so yes they have a right. Why miss 3 days for a brace fitting? DD had braces, she had them fitted one afternoon (didn't miss registration) and went in the next day. Mine know that I'm strict in attendance which means they don't go only when it really warrant it: temp, sickness, or very bad cold. I have had one day of school refusal from DD and I told the school why so they were aware of the issue. I don't expect it to happen again and DD knows I would take a dim view.

There are thirteen weeks school holidays yet it has to be three school days?

Three absences in many work places would trigger disciplinary starting much less without time off for a cold etc on top.

It's a lot of time off in the most important school years.

In the workplace (as a pp has said) you'd take holiday for medical appts, it's what I have to do. So absence management wouldn't apply.

DC has had 3 days off in the last calendar year for genuine illness - in the workplace this would trigger a brief conversation for record keeping purposes, no more, and certainly not disciplinary action.

The timing of brace fittings' etc is subject to the orthodontist, if DC has to go back at specific intervals, it's not always possible to time these during school holidays,

Are you the poster that also has an older son whose college attendence was poor?

You left before them on a morning and neither were attending?

I wouldn't get too het up about it tbh, it sounds like they are being fairly OTT to me. Attendance advisory service for going below 95% wow

If I understand correctly that the brace fittings were on three separate days, that makes six different absences, which would certainly trigger intervention in most workplaces.

I don't think you necessarily handled the interaction poorly, but I do think you need to look at this from their POV - and certainly not write off the rest of the school year as unimportant!

I don't have an older child at college, no.

There were some issues with DC previously, mentioned earlier in the thread, when in previous years at school, which were addressed at the time. Attendance has been fine for the past year, during y10 brace appts mainly coincided with school hols or inset days and DC was in good health. Unfortunately since Sept, they have had 2 bouts of illness (sickness and severe cold) and a fall, each causing a day off.

I was surprised by 95%. Also that every absence, both dental and for illness (when I've called the school) is listed as being unauthorised.

Oh, and I'm definitely not writing off the year, but given there is only one term left and DC is keeping up with work, and not falling behind, I'd have thought school would be focusing on attendance of pupils in lower years, and any focus on DC would be more in terms of making sure they do their best in exams - not telling them to come into school however I'll they feel and even if their mum has said not to!