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AIBU?

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Original poster

Big fat dirty liars

62 replies

jcne · 31/01/2017 15:57

Please discuss, for and against, all are welcome, the (not to load the question but...) the bastard fuckwittery claim of:

"I wasn't lying, you just didn't ask"

OP posts:
Original poster
jcne · 31/01/2017 17:49

I could leave, practically, but then we would be at war, and I would be entrusting him, my alcoholic enemy, with my baby

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 31/01/2017 17:52

How hard is the alcoholic liar likely to fight for access? It might interfere with his drinking.

RebelRogue · 31/01/2017 17:53

So instead both you and your baby will be living with an alcoholic...."friend"?

Original poster
jcne · 31/01/2017 17:53

very hard. and he's got a lot more money than I have.

OP posts:
MissMrsMsXX · 31/01/2017 17:57

Alcoholics have to lie it's part of their story. Send him to AA or a less culty help group.

AnyFucker · 31/01/2017 17:58

Money means nothing.

I would insist on supervised access. You will not see him for dust

He has already chosen his first mistress over you and dc

Don't let him threaten you. The words of a known liar mean fuck all

Adory · 31/01/2017 18:42

I feel for you, I too have been lied to with epic proportions. I have gone through the following stages:

Unaware and happy
Suspicious and worried
spy mode to catch in the act
Expectant and disinterested/loathing

I am now at the point where conversation seems pointless because he was literally lying about anything (even what he had for lunch??!! Why???!)

I was/am very sneaky in finding out what he's lied about and he doesn't know that I know he's lied (I give him chances to be truthful or broach subjects he is omitting to mention) but I can only do so much obviously. It's awful. I read stuff like 'don't let anyone dull your sparkle' and wonder how many people have noticed my sparkle has been extinguished.

I am also pregnant and am feeling extremely trapped. It's awful. It changes me as a person and ultimately I am miserable.

Original poster
jcne · 31/01/2017 18:52

Adory I even feel angry towards the baby, unreasonably, obviously, be a

OP posts:
Original poster
jcne · 31/01/2017 18:52

Oops hang on wrong button

OP posts:
Original poster
jcne · 31/01/2017 18:56

Because he is a boy.... never mind how angry I towards his dad who has managed to get me merrily past 24 weeks before tripping himself up

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CoolCarrie · 31/01/2017 19:10

How long have you been together? Has he lied by omission before, that you know of? Has he outright lied before this? Do you trust him at all, especially with a child, your child? You need to have a long hard look at everything and take it from there.

greeeen · 31/01/2017 19:19

Please don't subject your DC to an alcoholic parent, let them know they were important enough to leave!

He will only be allowed supervised visitation if he is an alcoholic, surely???

WashBasketsAreUs · 31/01/2017 20:25

Lying by omission is a hot topic here! Dd just left her twatwit of a boyfriend, big issues there, we spent weeks sorting out her new place ( I say we but mostly me and her). Bloody weeks I spent doing some really disgusting jobs in the new house. Thought he was back sniffing around, she persuaded her sister to concoct some cockamamey story one night as to why she was at our house rather than her sister's, paint me green and call me a cabbage!
Anyway the truth came out in the end, she missed him, he's changed, yea right! Obviously not changed enough as she's told him she can't make the commitment that he wants. We have had a long talk about lying by omission, she can't see it's an issue whereas I can. He's contacted her again on some spurious reason. The man is a complete cockwomble and I hope to Christ she has enough sense to not let him back into her life again.
And breathe!

Adory · 31/01/2017 20:49

Jcne I know how you feel, I'm so scared that a mini-him pops out, I worry about attachment issues etc. my friend who knows all the ins and outs said if he was a dog they'd probably destroy him, yet I have bred him. (He has anger/aggression issues too). She said if he was a dog he'd learn that if he bit someone, he didn't get fed (still a dangerous dog, just a smart dog who's learned to survive, just a question of time as to when the danger strikes).

I think it's classed as emotional abuse. I think relate could help you (and me) but to be fair, you have to be totally ready to walk away - as another poster said.

I suffer from something that makes me believe that with my love/affection/care/adoration, the issues he has just cannot survive. My ex was an alcoholic. You'd think I'd learn but apparently not, only this time I've brought another life into it too 😰

Original poster
jcne · 31/01/2017 23:05

adory ah yes mine is very angry too. absolutely charming until i disagree with him.

i made us a relate appt, that was what sent him out with this girl, although funnily enough by that point he had calmed down and we had agreed to give it a try (Hmm), anyway THEN he declined to attend, then when i went home after the relate appt, which i went to alone, he denied that conversation had ever happened (HmmHmm). emotional abuse is the one.

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Rainydayspending · 31/01/2017 23:50

Getting out, pushing for supervised contact will be less to deal with in the medium to long term. Easier than a life surrounded by lies, health issues, instability and being an emotional punchbag to an addict. The short term upheaval and stress will be alleviated by getting support. Go for full disclosure, ask for help. It'll be worth it.

Only1scoop · 31/01/2017 23:52

Lying by Omission
Yes LTB

DJBaggySmalls · 01/02/2017 00:03

jcne Please use a condom from now on Flowers

Original poster
jcne · 01/02/2017 08:13

DJ I think that's a pretty unnecessary, spiteful comment? If I had known about his lies and drinking at the time of conception (6 months ago) there wouldn't be a relationship or baby to refer to. Believe me I feel enough of a fool already without that kind of input...

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HecateAntaia · 01/02/2017 08:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Isadora2007 · 01/02/2017 08:21

Believe me that leaving whilst pregnant is going to be far easier than after. If you can, get legal advice now. E.g. As you're not married Cant you register his birth without ex partner there? If he is an alcoholic you would have good grounds for supervised access only. I would go back to relate and take the appt alone to help clarify your way forward and also have a written record of you seeking help. They can also help as they have a safeguarding policy so if you say you would be worried for your baby's Welfare if left alone with him they can help too.
Find your strength now as little by little it will be eroded by continuing in this relationship built on lies.

Gingernaut · 01/02/2017 08:24

Serialweightwatcher - "You'll have to ask him "have you lied about anything else" in which case he'll probably lie, but at least you asked ..."

Nope. The question to ask is

"Anything else you haven't told me about?"

Gingernaut · 01/02/2017 08:25

Italics fail there. Fuck it. Angry

amammabear · 01/02/2017 11:14

I think the word you need is deceit

Original poster
jcne · 01/02/2017 12:48

Fair point, Hecate. Apologies DJ Blush getting myself all wound up..

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