Please give me a few sarky one liners (MLM. Lighthearted)

[PopGoesTheFuckingWeasel]

A distant friend (we worked together 15 years ago) recently started popping up on my facebook news thingy recently. He also added a load of my friends.

I know why now. The MLM bug strikes again! He's putting the hard sell on a fair few of my friends, and they have blocked him.

He's now giving DH shit because he won't sign up. I have access to DH's facebook, and the pings are getting more and more agressive. DH is upset, but I'm finding it quite funny.

How do you answer people like this, who won't take "No" for an answer? I've had a fair few "amazing opportunities Hun" put my way, and "No" has always worked before! Mind you, people who know me know I have a more-than-passing acquaintance with the block button, and won't be pushed.

Sorry about the rant. Any foolproof methods of extinguishing these bots? (Besides blocking). Is there a special bot-spray or bot-paper?

Would one of those special candles work from b&q?

Oh utilities warehouse.

DH was getting private language lessons a year or so back and the teacher was trying to flog utilities warehouse to him as well despite being repeatedly told it was not of interest to us.

Eventually we just cancelled the lessons.

Oh also, this:

Shakespeare insulter

Some absolute face melters include:
Thou impertinent flap-mouthed coxcomb
Drop into the rotten mouth of death.

This one is particularly good in this situation, taken from all's well that end's well:
[Thou art] a most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of no one good quality.

Block him. He's a cancerous cunt.

I find fuck off repeated as needed usually works. You can add cunt as required.

Giddy MLM is Multi Level Marketing. It isna virus which has been doing the rounds for a number of years now. Symptons include: calling everyone Hun, posting shite seventeen times a day, buying a sandproof laptop so you can pose it on the beach and say "look where my office is!", a dwindling circle of friends, and, usually, a yellow shopping bag attatched to you at all times.

I have to tell you guys...after the stinger of the last ping from BFC I didn't think I'd be laughing so soon. I'm in fucking stitches here!

Sorry some of you have been hounded as well.

Thanks for the explanation Mycat. Also, thanks for the Shakespeare insulter Lumberries, I shall definitely have to shoehorn some of those into my pantheon of insults!

I'll count myself lucky then to have not experienced this!

Tell him that he will be fully aware that your (or DH's) job is merely a "front", and therefore he will also be aware that you have no control over your utilities, and that it is a Government Matter. Tell him you can pass on his contact details to the relevant people in Whitehall if he would like to discuss it with them directly.

How about, 'Your tiny mind is far too small to imagine the absolutely enormous and gihouferous size of the shit I do not give about UW. Now fuck off before I die of hearing from you' .

HA! DH is apparantly too ztupid to reason with noe...he's now going to forward all the info to me as I am "obviously more capable of makig decisions!" 😆😆

stupid obviously...

Tell him that you only ever make decisions based on advice from your MN sisters, so he needs to start a thread on MN to explain it (with diagrams obviously) so that we can all comment. We will rip him to shreds MN-style.

Stop bothering me, you fucking jizzpenguin

*files away Jizzpenguin with other stolen mumsnet phrases>

And speaking of which...

DH picked up the latest pig before I could get to it.

He answered simply

"ODFOD"!

And there's me thinking he never listens!

Anybody who places their financial gain above the feelings of their friends is a complete arsehole cockwomble

I almost wish I had an MLM stalker just so I can use 'jizzpenguin'

Reply back saying 'I might've have been insterestrd but your aggressive sales pitch has put me right off so I'll say for the last time no thank you. If you continue to hound me and ignore the fact I'm telling you no, I shall no longer be so polite about it!'

Can you get really interested and enthusiastic, ask him all about it and at the last minute tell him he's convinced you, you're going to be a rep for them as well!

I'd go ballistic at someone using such personal stuff like that and just tell him to fuck off.

I ended up asking an ex-friend "Are you fucking proud of ripping off your friends and their family?" after she signed DH's 18yo cousin (a single Mum, recently escaped DV, young for her age and desperate to build a good life for her baby) up to fucking Younique. She (ex-friend) runs a mother and toddler group and I'm absolutely livid that she's using it as a place to take advantage of vulnerable people. Thankfully DH's cousin mentioned it quite quickly, she trusted the woman because she was my friend, and she saw sense really quickly so didn't lose as much as she could have (she was paying the first outlay in installments because she has no money).

I wonder if these people were so aggressive and pushy before they got brainwashed into becoming reps?

I guess the desperation to claw back the money they wasted invested is a big cause.

Oh god, I'd never heard of them so just googled, their website has a picture of Terry Wogan with the tag line'....keeping the memory alive'! How distasteful. Tells me all I need to know, they obviously recruit accordingly.

I have a few friends who do this kind of thing(sell shit from mlm companies) however i dont get hounded thank fuck.

Please send the pulp fiction meme. Go on i dare you

Sigh I have a "friend" that does two one's a make up one and ones pearls? She keeps having Facebook "parties" and inviting me to groups, so I leave only to get added back in again 5 minutes later, winds me up to high heaven!

Get added to loads of mlm pages on facebook. So glad of the 'leave group permanently' button.