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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Work vs Babysitting

77 replies

User1234567891011 · 31/01/2017 13:26

Inspired by another thread.

I have a group project to do and the only time I would be free that week is on Thursday- this is due to work. The other people in my group would only be free on Friday - this is due to childcare. If we really wanted to we could get together on the weekend (everyone has a partner free to babysit and has discussed they would both be home and free) but they don't want to take time away from their kids/ their weekend off for the three hours we need.

I have now been told that we are getting together on Friday, despite not being free. When I explained I had work they said well we have kids and that's more important. (We are a group of 5 and all four women have children and are a little older).

AIBU or is this not fair? I understand no one wants to study at the weekend (I'm working then too so would have to go before/after the session). I don't understand how them having kids has suddenly trumped my job. Confused

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 06/02/2017 08:42

Group work.... tends to be the part of a university course which most resembles the workplace, where we often have to collaborate to produce the results required. You either learn how to work with other people or .... make sure you find a role which requires very little if it. That's one reason why it is included.

ChaChaChaCh4nges · 06/02/2017 08:48

Sorry! My bad. I thought i'd scrolled up to the last message, but had missed a chunk.

Trills · 06/02/2017 08:49

At workplace you have specified times when you are all there, and superiors to talk to if one of your colleagues refuses to show up or put in the time.

I also don't recognise this "being like the workplace" element that you expect from a university course.

witsender · 06/02/2017 08:50

How can the tutor tell people that they have to meet at certain times? That's very odd from a uni course, tutors have no authority to be doing that.

Original poster
User1234567891011 · 06/02/2017 08:56

Trills I suppose I see uni as a full time job. We can work obviously and its needed by many people (like myself) but we have been told that uni work needs to take priority etc.

witsender The tutors email was basically: You're all expected to work together and that means meeting up during your own time, any people who have not facilitated group work will be marked down for lack of attendance and not fulfilling the task objectives (one of these is displaying team work in meeting up etc). This was sent course wide too.

Because they turned down every offer to meet up in the weeks before due to various reasons, some legit and some not, and they have not tried to organise anything themselves they have (in my tutors eyes) not been facilitating group work. She's not said ''You have to meet up on Saturday'', just that we have to meet up together.

OP posts:
MargaretCavendish · 06/02/2017 08:59

she said she would be marking my work separately to theirs and they would be marked down as we were also being marked on our team working abilities

It was incredibly unprofessional of her to comment to you about their marks!

HermioneJeanGranger · 06/02/2017 09:10

I'm glad it worked out for you, but I don't think the tutor sounds very professional. It's not her place to be organising your group work or telling adults that they have to meet up as a group. I did plenty of group presentations where we only met up once to divide up tasks and once for an hour or so before the class to go over things and it never caused a problem. I appreciate everyone is different, though.

I hated group work at uni but I'd never have dreamt of getting my tutor involved. In my experience, tutors aren't interested in sorting out petty problems like that.

Trifleorbust · 06/02/2017 09:14

You're not going to win any prizes for popularity, OP. Oh well.

Original poster
User1234567891011 · 06/02/2017 09:20

Hermione I get what you mean but due to the course and the type of work part of the assessment was how we work as a team and banked on us meeting up etc. We were all told at the beginning that failing to do that would bring down marks etc. I just wish they'd stop giving us group work, its a nightmare! Angry I only emailed her to explain the group work wasn't going as planned and to show her the work that I had done to prove I wasn't the one holding the work back - it was her suggestion she email. I felt like I was tattling at first so didn't really want to, it seems petty to me too but if it couldn't be sorted out like adults then it needed to be escalated - I'm not going to risk my grades on other students.

Trifle Maybe not but when I come out with my degree I'll be happier to have that than be popular! Grin

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 06/02/2017 09:26

Well of course. They will definitely think you are 'that' student. There's one on every course!

Original poster
User1234567891011 · 06/02/2017 09:33

I don't think I'm ''that'' student. I'm just a student who wants to get the work done and make an effort to get the best grades. If that I was ''that'' student I would have gone to the tutor and asked her to get on them the first week they refused to get together. I think I've tried to help them out as much as possible but I was refuted each time, even when I tried to offer things that would be better for them but not as good for the work/me.
I have plenty of friends there who have the same mindset as me, a group of us do a study time and go to the library twice a week to get any work given to us done on that week. Its just this one group that I have been put with that I'm having trouble with. (I did have group trouble last year but that was one person and everyone shared the same problem).

OP posts:
HermioneJeanGranger · 06/02/2017 09:42

I get your frustration - I suppose I'm just surprised a tutor got involved in it all to begin with. I can't imagine any of my old tutors reading emails between students and getting involved in that way!

Original poster
User1234567891011 · 06/02/2017 09:44

I know, I was embarrassed I had to go to her tbh. I think she's probably had a lot of people telling her the same thing so got fed up of it all and fired off emails.

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 06/02/2017 09:48

You won't think you are 'that' student - they never do! But the other women will, sadly, be calling you for everything at this point.

Original poster
User1234567891011 · 06/02/2017 09:50

Trifle Probably but I just want the presentation to be over with now and hopefully I won't have to work with them again after this. Its kind of said really because I don't want to fall out with anyone but I won't put my work behind anything. Sad

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 06/02/2017 09:52

No, clearly not. I think the falling out with them is now firmly out of your hands!

Original poster
User1234567891011 · 06/02/2017 09:55

It is for sure! The way they behaved on Saturday proved that. I was trying to be so helpful at the start and respectful of the fact they had children. I tried to go places they could bring the kids or organise it early so we could get it over with but all of my efforts were shot down and they kind of realised it was due really soon, panicked and wanted to get it done when they wanted to.

Anyway, off to uni now, will update later!

OP posts:
MiscellaneousAssortment · 06/02/2017 10:27

Good luck with the presentation.

I certainly would not think you were 'that' student for being pushed out of group work by a clique that have behaved really badly.

I certainly wouldn't feel any guilt no matter how much other people try and badger you into some kind of submission and knowing your place is below a set of 'mean girls'. It all smacks of school yard popularity contests and being forced to submit to the queen bees pecking order. Ugh!

I wouldn't be joining in with all this infantile behavior and the idea of letting them fuck up your studies and potentially your future just to fit in is bonkers. So glad you're not doing to do that!

Uni is a tricky place to do group work as people can continue the school yard bitchiness without much accountability, so glad your tutor is showing she won't stand for it. I understand in principle why uni courses include some group work, but It's really not good prep for the workplace as people's instrinsic and extrinsic motivations tend to be very different.

Anyway, hope it all goes well!

Auspiciouspanda · 06/02/2017 12:30

Group work at uni is a bloody nightmare! I get why you do it because that's how work is but fucking hell the aggro!

I'm my first year of uni I had to do two presentations by my self (groups of 6!) because only me showed up. I got good grades in them but it meant I had to do loads more work then every other group.

People are slack AF

HermioneJeanGranger · 06/02/2017 14:57

Group work IN the workplace is ten times easier than group work at uni, in my experience!

I hope your presentation went okay :)

ParadiseCity · 06/02/2017 15:01

Hope the presentation went well Cake

Original poster
User1234567891011 · 06/02/2017 15:45

Hey guys! The presentation was a bit of a nightmare.

We got there and no one had brought the slides on a pendrive except me so I had to get them all up (its a bloody good job I brought them!).

My slides were last, I did this purposely so I wouldn't be cut off etc early.
They did their slides, bit muddled and lots of ''um that's it, now you.'' but hey ho. I did mine at the end and my conclusion so got to talk on a little more than if I was in the middle (incase they hadn't realised I'd finished and cut me off). Anyway the tutor said I have a first (on reserve, she has to go and type up her notes etc) but yeah! My part wasn't too bad so I'm very happy Smile

Thanks for all your advice, groupwork is a nightmare but as you said Miscellaneous I'm not going to let other people stop me getting the grades I'm working hard (and paying a lot) for!.

OP posts:
witsender · 06/02/2017 15:59

When I was at university the tutor would very much have just told us to grow up and get on with it. Due to long commutes we couldn't always meet every time for group work and it wasn't necessary...Even more so with email and social media! Know what you have to cover and prepare accordingly.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 06/02/2017 19:51

Yay! Well done :)

I remember an awful piece of group work at uni that was just hideous from start to finish, and I can honestly say no work collaboration has ever been as difficult.

Well done again!

Trills · 06/02/2017 20:18

Great news!

Now go get yourself a proper username

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