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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to object to this schedule, if on going?

31 replies

mikado1 · 30/01/2017 20:22

OH goes to a bootcamp 4X times a week, same time as bedtime of our two dc . Unfortunately for the last month of so ds2 will settle in minutes for OH but takes an age for me-30-50 mins, depending. Meanwhile ds1 (4.5) is waiting for me (not great to go to sleep alone and likes a bit of a chat before sleep etc which imo is important part of day).

So given that we're up 5.30ish most days and I'm wrecked (and both school often over tired because of delay at bedtime) by 7pm, aibu to have suggested a different time is needed for these sessions, literally any other time? I just think it's a bit much. Apparently there are absolutely no alternate times and there seems to be no understanding of where I'm coming from. I suggested it calmly and pointed oh that it's not up to me to come up with an alternative but surely he can see it's not working.

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Trifleorbust · 30/01/2017 20:23

YANBU.

TeaBelle · 30/01/2017 20:26

4 times a week seems a lot,/could he cut down to twice and for instance put the saved money towards a peive of home gym equipment?

crazywriter · 30/01/2017 20:26

YANBU

It's likely that there isn't an alternative time to do the classes. If it's anything like my gym, you either make the times or you don't. Could he not do a different class at a different time two days a week? Compromise so he gets the boot camp 2x a week. It will sucks those two days but you'd both need to compromise on this.

happypoobum · 30/01/2017 20:27

YANBU - he is taking the piss.

Marmalade85 · 30/01/2017 20:27

Do you also go out four times per week OP?

NapQueen · 30/01/2017 20:28

You both need a balance in terms of downtime and if you don't get any evening at all to yourself then he is being unreasonable.

edwinbear · 30/01/2017 20:30

Do you get to go to the gym/for a swim/run etc in the evenings whilst he puts the dc to bed ever?

Original poster
mikado1 · 30/01/2017 20:31

You see it's an organised group set up so that's why it's set days and times. I actually dread it each time but it was particularly hard tonight (1h15 to get ds2 asleep). Other nights it's not awful. The thing that gets me is that I can't imagine coming in and hearing that and not saying 'oh God that's really tough, I'll try look into changing times' or something! Instead I am made to feel VU.

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early30smum · 30/01/2017 20:32

YANBU but I have 2 D.C. and DH is almost never home for bedtime. However he's usually working rather than doing anything else so it's a bit different! On the x 3 nights he's not doing this boot camp will he put the kids to bed?

harderandharder2breathe · 30/01/2017 20:33

Yanbu but he may be right about there not being another time. However, 4 nights a week (all weeknights?) at bedtimes is too much. Agree with PP who suggested cutting down boot camp to twice a week and either working out at home or going to a different class at a more convenient time the other two times.

edwinbear · 30/01/2017 20:33

But he doesn't need to go to every session they run! I love spinning classes and could go 4 times a week hypothetically, but I don't because it would mean DH doing bedtime alone Mon-Thurs which is inherently unfair.

RoboticSealpup · 30/01/2017 20:35

YANBU. Your DH just opts out of the most stressful part of the day four days per week just so his body can look better? Is he morbidly obese or something? Why is this "bootcamp" so important?

purplefizz26 · 30/01/2017 20:35

He is being very selfish.

If there is no compromise on time, he needs to make it twice not four time a week.

Original poster
mikado1 · 30/01/2017 20:35

I was out twice last week - neither at bedtime- but still that was a big deal. I have been away at bedtime maybe 4 times in 18m ha! I bf ds2 so obviously I try/want to be around and anyway it's ideal if one of us take one dc each. I am certainly not stopped going out but have zero energy most of time (currently sahm with the two early birds!).

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Original poster
mikado1 · 30/01/2017 20:42

I know him doing bed time for both would seem to even it out but I can just imagine the stress and really it wouldn't help as such, iyswim. It's a killer that I cannot settle my own child as quickly as his dad :( It's the same in the early hours... from 4 on he will wake but I haven't a hope of getting him back. (Sorry, irrelevant ramblings!)

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CheeseCrackersAndWine · 30/01/2017 20:51

I definitely wouldn't be chuffed with DH not being around for the hardest part of the day 4 times a week, every week. He needs to cut down or go at a more convenient time and do his fair share of the bedtime routines... I have a very unpredictable 1 year old so nights she plays up we really need both of us around so oldest (7) isn't unfairly left to mainly fend for herself. Now and again, fine, more than half the time - just no!

Backt0Black · 30/01/2017 20:53

YANBU. There are multiple ways to work out. He could go to the gym before work? or at lunchtime? IF traditional weights and cardio aren't his thing there are thousands of pylo / bootcamp / tabata / hiit workout vids on youtube he could crack on with.

keepingfingerscrossed · 30/01/2017 20:55

I go to bootcamp twice a week and I cut this down after maternity leave to just once a week so that I saw my children for bedtime when I had been at work. I think he's being incredibly selfish and he needs to cut back. As an aside my youngest is 16 months and settles quicker and easier for my husband since I stopped breastfeeding so I know how rough that is.Flowers x

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 30/01/2017 21:02

old old is the one who won't sleep for you?

Original poster
mikado1 · 30/01/2017 21:06

18m, I am still feeding him but he doesn't feed to sleep, keeps wanting up and out of cot for more milk etc.. Obviously there's no chance of milk with his dad so he settles v quickly (my theory!). In early hours I do feed but still will not go back for me!

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Original poster
mikado1 · 30/01/2017 21:07

Thanks keepingfingerscrossed, and all, for views/suggestions.

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longdiling · 30/01/2017 21:08

Yanbu. Right now your kids are little and it's all hands on deck. It's not too much to ask him to cut those sessions back to a couple of times a week. His (and your) time will come for a bit of evening freedom when the kids are older. I do 2 or 3 exercise sessions a week in the evenings but as my kids are older it doesn't interrupt bedtime. Still, if my dh said he was struggling with it and could I drop a session then I would.

Celaena · 30/01/2017 21:13

if he is going out in the evening so near their bedtime, could you move bedtime to earlier so he can do it?

WheresTheEvidence · 30/01/2017 21:19

TBH I think you're better of trying to sort out DS2's sleep than getting annoyed at DH being out at bedtime.

Original poster
mikado1 · 30/01/2017 21:24

Open to suggestions wherestheevidence!

Bedtime starts 6.30, in bed 7-7.15, don't think can bring earlier.

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