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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not turn up to my "surprise" baby shower

66 replies

Spaghettihead1 · 30/01/2017 12:02

I don't like baby showers.
All my close friends and siblings know my feelings about them, and to let it be known if anyone mentioned organising one for me that I don't like them, so please don't.
I have just been given an heads up by a friend that my lovely aunt has organised a surprise one for me next month.
My DS has told DA l don't like them but apparently she's not listening.
What do I do?
I'd like to tell her i appreciate the thought and ask her to cancel it But I'd hate to hurt her feelings.

I do find my predicament a little bit funny, so any humorous ideas of how I can get out of it are welcome.
But I suppose I'm just going to have to cringe my way though it.

OP posts:

RumAppleGinger · 30/01/2017 14:02

Can you get your mum or a close relative to head her off. When she invites them just get them to say "honestly she hates baby showers and wouldn't enjoy it but how about we organise a nice afternoon tea or something for her instead" and hopefully eliminate all the tacky games and grabby nonsense?

Buffythebabywearer · 30/01/2017 14:15

I wouldn't have organised myself a baby shower in a million years, but one of my friends threw a little surprise one and it was perfect - dinner with a few friends and a few very thoughtful little presents (books and chocolates for me and a cute babygro). I would probably have felt a bit awkward about it if I'd known in advance but they kept the secret well and didn't do any of the stuff I would have found embarrassing.

I understand why some people don't like baby showers but there's nothing grabby about a surprise (it's not like you've organised an event yourself to get presents) and there was nothing tacky about my baby shower so it clearly can be done!

Silentplikebath · 30/01/2017 14:17

If you're being forced into a baby shower make it known that you want the local toddler group and their siblings invited to your aunt's house as it's a celebration about children, isn't it? A few 2 year olds running around her house with sticky fingers will be more fun to watch than a conventional baby shower!

paxillin · 30/01/2017 14:21

You should thank her, but ask her to cancel. You hate them. Are you afraid of heights? If you were, would you do a kindly organised bungee jump your DA "surprised" you with?

You don't have to endure a baby shower, either. It is not kind a kind thing to do of her. It is a "you don't know what's good for you" thing. Patronising and dismissive of your feelings if she has been told.

aginghippy · 30/01/2017 14:26

If your DA knows your feelings and has planned the baby shower anyway, what she's saying is that her wishes are more important than yours.

^This

You would hate to hurt her feelings, yet she has no qualms about hurting yours. Going to a lot of trouble to make you uncomfortable is not a kind thing to do.

harleysmammy · 30/01/2017 14:28

My cousins baby shower was yesterday and mine is in a couple of weeks. Im not against them at all but we come from a very large family not including all our friends that go and the children and sometimes it is a bit much. My other cousin is organizing mine which j know about but yesterday at my older cousins baby shower, i was absolutely dreading being 27 weeks pregnant with the whole family cramped in one house with children screaming and running around all day and everyone coming at my belly with their hands and asking a thousand questions. All of the those things happened, but it was actually quite nice to see everyone and to talk to other people about the baby. It was even more lovely to see what the family had done for the shower and how much effort they'd gone to with the cupcakes and the food and the decorations. I hope they do the same for mine! It really wasnt that bad and after all the effort made, it would have been so nasty to not have gone. I think if they care enough to go to all the effort for you, you should go x

SmallBee · 30/01/2017 14:34

Can you put it about again and tell everyone how you hate baby showers but IF someone had organised one and was to rude to acknowledge your feelings and cancel then the least the guests could do would be to not buy any presents or play any games and all cancel at the last minute

SmallBee · 30/01/2017 14:34

*too rude

specialsubject · 30/01/2017 15:08

Tell her that you would love to see your friends, but that you detest silly games and squealing ickyness. And you do not want presents.

If she can't cope with that, phone your mates and tell them you don't want this ghastly event and won't be there.

Reow · 30/01/2017 15:20

I would HATE if anyone did that for me. I wouldnt go. My friends and family know that I wouldnt want one, so I would let the aunt know that I have been very vocal about not wanting one and would not be attending.

Thakita · 30/01/2017 15:25

Spaghetti. I'm completely with you. The thought of a baby shower is horrendous to me. I've been asked to go to a couple recently.

I think your aunt is totally selfish and unreasonable. I think you need to tell her that you really don't want that kind of stuff (shit) going on. Awful. Awful. How dare she go against your wishes??

poisonedbypen · 30/01/2017 15:30

I've never been too a baby shower . Wanders off muttering to herself about new fangled nonsense...

Thakita · 30/01/2017 15:39

PS I've never been to one either.

TheTantrumCometh · 30/01/2017 15:53

I had a surprise baby shower organised for me. I only realised five minutes before I went in because I saw my DSis's car parked in my MIL's road.

One of my, not close, friends had organised it. I get she was trying to be nice but anyone who actually knows me (read: every other person there) really should have told her that I would find it awful. I hate being the centre of attention and I found the whole thing awkward. I have been to a few other baby showers and they've been fine.

I don't like the whole idea of them though TBH. A bit like gender reveal parties . A couple of Dh's relatives have organised their own baby showers before now and then bitched and whinged that no one was coming-the grabby shites

Jaysis · 30/01/2017 16:29

The only time I ever heard of a baby shower I liked was one where guests were asked to bring a book that was their childhood favourite for the baby with a brief note about why they loved the book. I thought passing on much loved stories to the next generation to foster a love of books was a lovely low key idea.

I could get on board with a baby shower like that, but not the ones with the dreadful gender reveal cake, stupid party games or expensive presents.

KERALA1 · 31/01/2017 12:41

That is such a lovely idea.

Slightly odd to be violently against an event you have never attended but hey ho. I actually enjoyed the one I went to but then my friendship group wouldn't be up for gender reveal cakes and dodgy games.

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