To be upset at SIL being pregnant

[DogMama89]

OKAY. So I know that IAB REALLY BLOODY U. But hear me out. I am really really struggling. I have been off the pill since 2015, and I'm fairly broody hormonal and stupid, and although I'm not desperate for a DC but I'm starting to worry that there's something wrong. (I came off the pill initially to regulate hormones, but then dp and I agreed it was best I didn't stay on it as it was making me a moody cow) I mean ive had a few tests and they seem to be clear. But EVERYONE IS HAVING BABIES AND I CANT COPE!! Dsil was my best friend before I even started going out with my DP, and still is but she's just announced, (on the same day BILs girlfriend gave birth to his DS and she got pregnant after a few weeks of them being together!) she's expecting a little girl, I want to be elated and I know I'm being a bitch, but when she told me I thought I was going to throw up. I felt like I'd been hit by my two Ton Volvo estate. And she was pregnant after a bleeding one night stand with an asshole (not that I disagree with her doing that I love her to bits but God alive, a one night stand, whilst On the mini pill two days after her bleed ended, what are the odds?! And to add insult to injury my best friend is expecting her third after ttc one cycle.
What can I do to manage this?

i know iabvu and I promise I'm not generally a throw your toys out the pram type, but I just feel like all these people are accidentally getting pregnant and although I don't dispute they will make the most fabulous parents, I can't help feeling Frustrated and broody!

please help me get over this bratty bitchiness so I can get back to loving my almost arrived niece, my new godchild, and my beautiful friends and family

TIA

dog

Sorry you're going through this - it's taken DH and I three years and three lots of IVF including one miscarriage to get pregnant, so I do understand how awful it is.

Those posters saying OP isn't TTC as she's not charting etc. - WTF? Not taking steps to prevent conception whilst having sex = TTC. Don't be so bloody stupid.

OP, come over to the Infertility board - they're a super-friendly bunch, lots of support is available, and you'll probably find some ideas on what you might try to get things moving. It doesn't necessarily have to be straight to IVF (although if you do go down that route then the boards are an invaluable source of info).

Bunny you may be right for some people but not all. Some people do have more 'fragile' fertility [as you put it] and fertility clinics absolutely advise patients to cut out/down smoking, minimal alcohol, healthy diet with supplements.
And no, ovulation doesn't always return when you stop taking the pill with some women.
I suspect you're not a specialist fertility doctor or nurse, am I right?

seafood it's certainly an aside, but alcohol and diet are not the biggest factors when you've got an actual fertility issue. And it's kind of a given, bloody hell there wasn't a lot I didn't try before finally having the IVF!

I merely meant pointing out diet/booze etc is a little facile when you've been trying that long, as I'm sure you know. If it were such a massive factor there would be a lot lot less pregnancies, or did I not see overweight smoking pregnant ladies outside the unit I went to for miscarriages. Please don't be obtuse and be pedantic, as someone who has suffered infertility you can surely empathise with how awful it is hearing 'you're just not trying hard enough' as if the guilt of not being able to do the most basic thing is not enough.

I too went to a very big clinic and a very famous man called (the lovely) George finally got us pregnant. And he assured us our issues were beyond simple healthy living.

Unbelievable on here sometimes

I would have been over the moon if a tweak in diet or giving up alcohol (that we didn't drink) had helped us.

Never claimed to be an expert, or not medical (that's what we do on MN to ensure our point is more valid).

5 years of infertility and 6 miscarriages so I know fuck all I guess.

No but it helps if/when you're asked those questions you can say that you've already tried them all, we were told to go away, have more sex and go back in 6 months and to asses results because they didn't worry before 18 months generally, even then he wasn't convinced until I had 3 more months of blood tests/scans to completely be sure I don't ovulate at all rather than just not occasionally. My point to OP was you might have only been fertile/ovulating for half the time you've been ttc, in which case it might not be as bad as it looks.

I was actually responding to Margaret's comment about sorting things that anyone experiencing issues conceiving does before anything, as not only are they well-publicised but your GP asks you to address thrm long before any referrals. The desperation to fix 'your problem' has you being the most healthy person you've ever been!

When I questioned our famous clinic about residual effects from contraception they said it was an over-used example and would not account for that length of time. I'm pretty sure they know what they're talking about.

I'm cross that I'm defending my comment about the inappropriate addition of simplistic advice that just adds to the sense of inadequacy you have when you're struggling to conceive and all around seem to whizz into it.

Op, I hope things get better, and that people who should understand don't tear you down for not focusing on the exact same thing as them.

Bunny, I think you've either misread my comment or mixed me up with someone else? I was actually completely agreeing with you - saying that telling someone trying to conceive to focus on their health and fertility seemed like pretty frustrating advice to me, since a) most women trying to conceive are already doing those things and b) lots of people get pregnant without doing those things, so they're hardly cure-alls. My exact words were it's a bit frustrating to be told that it could just be because you're not trying hard enough. Isn't that exactly what you're saying, too? And I never said anything about ovulation after the pill at all.

Thanks Everyone for being so lovely!
I will try and respond to everything, I have sex at a bare minimum of 3 times a week, (or every other day) sorry if tmi! , I don't smoke, probably have 2 white wine spritzer a month, weigh 9stone 7, am 5 foot 6, eat a healthy balanced diet, drink water, take supplements, walk for one hour daily, play netball weekly and go to the gym. And I've bloody felt my cervical mucus God knows how many times
DP is an absolute delight, cooking for me, running me baths, giving me cuddles, and just generally loving me when I feel like a mess!

I am not and never will be hostile, unkind or anything other than supportive to Sil, mil, bil and all our friends who have been blessed with pregnancies, nor will I be upset with friends who feel like they want to terminate their pgs, because they have the right to do whatever they want with their bodies! I will be the aunt and godmother that their lovely DCs deserve (I know that's a blessing in itself!!) and friend/babysitter/shoulder to cry on/chef/bath runner/bread picker upper/ motivator/ whatever the flipping hell my lovely friends and family need me to be!

I was not judging Sil for her behavior at all, and I know it's not a walk in the park for her, just pointing out how much I struggled that her one time bding In over a year gave her a DD

Will definitely get myself back to GP in a couple of months and see what's going on, and I'm so glad that my feelings are normal and that mn is allowing me to process without feeling like I'll implode

Lots of love and thank you SO MUCH

bauble not judging Sil at all, love her to bits just shocked that on pill, 2 days after bleed and first bd in over a year lead to her DD!!

I personally would say get to the gp sooner than later, referrals can take ages - we waited 7 months I think, and then if you don't need it it's easy to cancel.

Another one who would say go to the gp as soon as, I've waited since last August for a referral and my first appot for Jan was canceled which means Im now back on the waiting list for another appt. At least if your in the queue your already on the first rung of the ladder.

I have sympathy for you OP - in a similar boat myself.
Have you been to GP to find out why it's not happening for you? Best to get that ball rolling asap

You sound lovely OK

It's very very hard. I have finally come out the other side as a halfway chilled and balanced person, with a good life which doesn't need my own child in it. I have nine nephews and nieces FGS! In fact if I got pregnant now I would be utterly utterly flummoxed and terrified :o

Hormones are a powerful thing and can completely interfere with our usually rational thoughts.

When I was pregnant with DC1 (a couple of weeks off announcing I was expecting) I saw an old friend from school had announced she was due a month ahead of me. I sobbed. I actually thought she'd stolen my thunder . I am the least 'centre of attention' 'all about me' type person ever! I like, very much, to hide in the background but i just couldn't control that initial gut reaction.

I hadn't even seen her in years. We've met up since having the kids and I absolutely adore her DS. At least you know, in the nicest way, that you're being unreasonable. Be gentle on yourself, you're allowed to have feelings

Thanks all,
I've been to the GP about eight months ago, but everything seemed to grind to a halt, I am sure I do O though. I'm thinking maybe private might be the way to go (as much as I want to support the NHS, and disagree with the private sector) I can afford a few tests with Nuffield / bupa. (I have saved just shy of 20k, to allow me to pay some nursery fees or drop a day /Half day at work each week. So could dip into that!)

I'm really glad for all the support
Thanks again!

We'd been having fertility treatments for a while and were briefing MIL on the latest developments when SIL (who I love dearly but who had just got married vs our 4 years of trying) breezed into the kitchen announcing "did Mum tell you? I'm pregnant"! Cue some very difficult conversations between DH and I as 1) OF COURSE I was happy for her but 2) Yes, it did hurt, that my own sister had had to terminate her first two pgcies for medical reasons and I just couldn't seem to get pg at all while SIL seemingly sailed through. But everyone gets there in the end - whether it's to a child-free existence or a family with kids, and by now we've all found our place.

Op I love my best friend of 15 years to bits but when she had a baby after 6 years of us trying I could barely hold him. Thankfully I was pregnant at the time but I didn't know. My best friends have had 11 babies in 3 years. Had I not gotten pregnant I would now have no friends. My dc literally saved me. You can't control these feelings.

See a different GP, I am a little angry for you reading that! you should have been referred, GP's are not qualified to deal with this - mine prescribed clomid whilst we were waiting for refferal and the doctor was furious when he found out. It's very worth it to go with the nhs because you can keep the money you've saved for treatment further down the line if you need it (hopefully you won't), the same clinics treat private and nhs patients, the care will be largely the same, you deserve the treatment.

If you tell close family and friends you're trying be prepared for a lot of well meaning horrendous comments, my own sister kept saying maybe it's not meant to be, it'll happen when we stop trying so hard.

^^ this! See another GP!! Letters get lost and referrals ignored if you don't chase them up - trust me!! Seems fax is the only way to get messages from one place to another

Greyponcho that made me laugh, my most recent referral was faxed through by the doctors and took 6 days to arrive at the hospital across the road! (Sorry to derail the thread)

OP absolutely relate to all that you've said, come and join us on the infertility threads for support.