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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hurt?

55 replies

Scared211 · 29/01/2017 11:29

Overheard couple of girls at work, who I perceive to be my friends, saying I was crazy - think this was a reference to me talking loudly/quickly/being a bit erratic during a post work drink as was tipsy and have been sleeping badly.

Had agreed to go shopping with one of them today and whilst she agreed yesterday, we didn't formalise arrangements and I haven't heard from her since. Feel upset and like she doesn't like me - not a big deal in the long run but at least make up an excuse!

OP posts:
user1484226561 · 29/01/2017 12:36

For context, I was plied with alcohol by people - double shots, whole bottle of wine, three cocktails etc. But yeah I do grasp that I'm odd, not them - thanks.

you are over 18, right?

there is a reason you have to be over 18 to drink in a bar. It is that adults are supposed to be able to make these judgments.

Are you seriously saying its all other people fault for offering you alcohol,

you are not mature enough to know how to say "no thanks?"

yes, actually, I find it very irresponsible of you, and odd that you blame it a) on not getting much sleep, and b) on everyone else who offered you alcohol

Original poster
Scared211 · 29/01/2017 12:36

No it's not - it was a special occasion, we were buying rounds and matching each other drink for drink! Have learnt my lessson anyway.

OP posts:
pictish · 29/01/2017 12:37

You could try not laughing inappropriately for 40 minutes.

pipsqueak25 · 29/01/2017 12:37

not sure why people think 'crazy' is such a horrible word ? Confused,

Strongmummy · 29/01/2017 12:37

I think you've hit the nail on the head with drink less and sleep more. If you want to see these girls socially again I'd suggest acknowledging your behaviour, apologising and then not drinking if you next go out. I'd also have a think about why you aren't sleeping

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 29/01/2017 12:39

I don't think you're admitting the extent of the issue...was it a post work drink or was it a special occasion? Was it a bit tipsy or was in very very drunk? Was it a one off or do you act oddly every time? You keep changing your mind which it is.
Do you have a drinkin problem, OP?

user1484226561 · 29/01/2017 12:39

does anyone have any advice on how I can avoid this happening again please (drink less, sleep more)?

does anyone have any advice on how you can avoid having a ridiculous amount to drink? are you actually asking?

don't drink a ridiculous amount Confused

Original poster
Scared211 · 29/01/2017 12:40

I've already acknowledged it and apologised for it - we've had a chat/laugh about it (the original incident). But the comment came after this. We've chatted since (over the weekend) and the one who said the comment wants to join the gym at work with me? Just feel like this is mixed messages and not sure I can trust them? But yeah I fully acknowledge I was at fault and to blame so don't see this as me trying to pass the buck!

OP posts:
NarkyMcDinkyChops · 29/01/2017 12:42

Just feel like this is mixed messages and not sure I can trust them?

You're coming across a bit paranoid. Surely its them that can't trust you? Nice of them to give you another chance somewhere there won't be alcohol, I'd be surprised and pleased if I were you.

Original poster
Scared211 · 29/01/2017 12:43

It was a special occasion (laughing incident) and then following that, a post work drink where I acted a bit hyper, promoting the above comment. No, I don't have a drink problem. I could happily go out and not drink. I do however have a confidence problem (always wondering what people think of me - even though I do have lots of friends and I guess seem fairly popular, I'm insecure!) which prompts me to do what the crowd are doing even when I can't handle it myself.

OP posts:
Bailey101 · 29/01/2017 12:44

The only way to stop this sort of behaviour is to moderate your drinking, and if you can't do that then you'll need to stop drinking altogether. If you're mature enough to be going out to bars, then you really shouldn't need to be told this.

KateDaniels2 · 29/01/2017 12:44

They may like you. And also think your behaviour when you are hanmered is odd.

SecondsLeft · 29/01/2017 12:44

I think you are replaying it in your mind because you feel embarrassed. Try not to jump to conclusions. So it is seeming a bigger and bigger deal because you keep thinking about it and activating that part of your brain that is embarrassed. This thread is probably also not helping. Ask if she wants to go shopping. Be friendly and warm towards them, and resolve to not drink the next few times - say you missed dry January so are doing dry February. They will respect you for taking steps to change it.

freddiemercury · 29/01/2017 12:51

oh gosh, don't worry about it. most of us have done silly things when we drink!!! It sounds like one of those occasions when you just want to hide afterwards!! honestly it will be forgotten about...next time you go out be the sober one and it's over!! while "crazy" isn't nice to hear.. I definitely day about one of my friends "she's mad as a hatter" particularly when drink has been taken and I adore her and love going out with her both when she's sober and drunk. . .she's fun!! don't let it make you feel self conscious....xxxxxx

pictish · 29/01/2017 12:53

Look, they actually like you but they also think you're a bit far out...which given what you say, isn't surprising.
You can recover from it but it will take time and consistently reasonable conduct for their perception of you to become more weighted in calm behaviour.

They don't actually know you well or for long, so lower your expectations of their affiliation and let the friendship mature naturally.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 29/01/2017 13:02

look, just rein it in a bit....all this "crazy" talk sounds a bit like you are revelling in the whole "i am mad, me!" persona.

Join the gym with this colleague get to know these people, see if you and her can be good firends......work on your confidence by trying not to make an arse of yourself and get to the root of the stress.

Where is the stress coming from? Too much of the high life? Too much booze and silliness. Are you good at your job or struggling? Pick the cause, (or the easiest one) and do something to sort it.

Olympiathequeen · 29/01/2017 13:11

Maybe you need to learn to drink a bit more responsibly if you behave in such an erratic way when tipsy?

It's nice to be fun and funny when drunk but being out of control is not such a good idea.

I'm sure your friends didn't mean anything nasty though, but maybe it is a wake up call and look at your drinking and work on your self confidence.

RebelRogue · 29/01/2017 13:16

Meh I am crazy,there's no denying that. The sooner people figure it out the better. My friends love me because of it,acquaintances like me despite of it,and whomever doesn't like it and doesn't want to spend time with me,well no skin off my nose.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 29/01/2017 13:18

I can't bear people who go out of their way to tell you how "crazy" they are. They are generally insufferable bores who think crazy means telling bad jokes very loudly and annoying the shite out of everyone by acting like toddlers.

Original poster
Scared211 · 29/01/2017 13:22

I certainly don't revel in it - I'm quite shy and I don't go on about doing crazy things or being crazy Confused this whole thread is to do with the fact I'm embarrassed about it and feel like it was implying I'm mentally unwell and not "fun crazy", whatever that is.

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 29/01/2017 13:22

You were not 'plied' with alcohol, OP. You chose to drink too much and it affected you badly, and this has now damaged your reputation with colleagues. I am not trying to be harsh here because it sounds like you could do with some support, but you really do need to limit or cut out drinking around colleagues of this is going to be the result Flowers

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 29/01/2017 13:24

I was referring to a different poster in the last comment, OP, to clarify.

feel like it was implying I'm mentally unwell and not "fun crazy", whatever that is

if you really were giggling uncontrollably for 40 mins, they probably are wondering if you have mental health issues. In all honesty, wouldn't you if it was someone else? If you're comfortable you don't, then address your drinking and your behaviour when drunk. If they are your friends, try just talking to them about it!

IMissGrannyW · 29/01/2017 13:27

Don't sweat it. Join the gym with your colleague and make a load of new, more positive memories. If that evening's ever referred to, just say "yeah, was massively stressed, very tired and drank way too much too fast" and then move on. I think it's fine.

RebelRogue · 29/01/2017 13:30

Scared then move on,and show them how you really are and "correct" that impression. 5 months is still early on,both in a work relationship and a friendship. If you want to continue hanging out with them,forget about it and keep arranging things. If you don't hen don't. If you really need "closure" you could just tell them you overheard them and ask what they meant by it,and if it was the drinking incidents explain the circumstances and leave it to them to draw conclusions.
They could be just really bitchy people,or they could be taken aback a bit by your behaviour on those nights,or it could've just been a figure of speech.

Overthinking it won't give you answers or i prove your self esteem.

Chelazla · 29/01/2017 13:31

You've giggled not shot anyone certainly wouldn't bother me too much!Wink

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