Aibu to worry about my grip on reality?

[whosaidthatnow]

I happened to mention to dh today ( not in a serious conversation - just in passing) that I feel like I have to be careful what I say to people in case I mention something that is only true in passing. So I go through phases of being one type of person then another! With my beliefs and wishes changing accordingly!

So I get convinced of things then change my mind. So I try not to say anything which I know would confuse people when I change my mind.
If that makes sense! Because I don't know what is the truth or not. So for example I never mention things to say friends or family or doctors or teachers or anyone! Until I can be 100 % sure I am not imagining it...

Dh just looked at me and said "so you don't know what's real...?" Then actually backed off a bit...

I laughed it off and made out like I was being silly. But I wasn't!

I thought lots of people felt like this - but now I am panicking I am on the verge of going crazy.?

Aibu to be lying here worrying that this isn't normal now?

You definitely need to see your doctor! I have a friend who has diagnosed MH issues and is medicated but a lot of what you are saying seems familiar. If you don't like your regular doctor can't you speak to another in the practice or if it would be easier start by having a chat with the nurse? Your area may also have a dedicated mental health team who you could contact as well. What you are saying you think is not a normal (or should I say usual) way to think. You could do with being assessed to see if some medication or counselling would help you cope with the way you think and feel.

I think you sound like you could have Bi polar or anxiety - can you go and have a chat with gp? You seem to have highs and lows, thinking you're neck is going to break or your husband is abusive if those two things aren't going to happen isn't rational thought.

One night I became utterly convinced the DH would strangle me in my sleep.

No reason, he's never been violent or threatened violence. I just made it up, and truly believed it that night, I even believed that he'd faked our whole relationship, just to kill me - then the next day I could see it was nonsense.

I think I kinda know what you mean, OP, I put it down to a side effect of OCD (an intrusive thought of sorts).

Tbh I have worried about it - I get pain from tics and I am so changeable I never finish anything so never had a proper job or friendships etc

If it's impacting on your life to that extent then it's certainly worth talking to someone about.

Just from this thread its difficult to know if you choose not to stick at things and it's become a pattern, or whether there is a more serious mood or emotional issues underlying it.

A sense of instabilty emotionally or within the personality can certainly be indicative of mental health issues.

Skin picking, as you might be referring to about your arm, is a thing. It's a form of OCD.

Yôu've never had a proper job or friendships?

You keep picking at your arm without thinking?

You consistently refuse to answer questions at the GP?
You're worried enough that you post a message here?
You have had various MH problems in the past?

Op. You have posted enough here that I'd be quite worried. I would definitely go to the GP and talk to them. Write down the things you're really worried about so you don't forget them.

Tics, obsessive intrusive thoughts...

The GP will recognise you have a problem.

Write down all the odd things as you have in your separate comments here.

Give them to GP. Tell him you worry you won't be able to explain, that you know you have a difficult reputation at surgery because of previous behaviour.

Those are both symptoms too.

But you must do follow up appointments. For you and your children.

I haven't read the other replies so sorry if there's more detail I've missed but if I'm honest I think you're perhaps just a bit fickle!

I am frequently changing strong opinions and beliefs, I believe too much that I read and am swayed too easily. Saying that, it doesn't hold me back discussing said beliefs. I do tend to acknowledge that they're not necessarily long held beliefs/opinions though.

thanks pickle - i wouldnt say i have a difficult reputation just one of being shy maybe? if any at all. I would doubt any of the gps know me from Adam!

I kind of want help but at the same time im not keen to go on record as a tic ridden, obsessive, self harmer with a bad case of being fickle .

I suppose i could maybe pick one issue first....?
where would be best to start?

Gloria i do try not to pick at my arms now - i wouldnt say i find it easy not too - sometimes i think about it a lot but i dont actually mark my arms anymore. Although i do have scars from doing it obviously.

my GP IS aware of this one thing as i went for a blood pressure check after having dd and as soon as she went to do my blood pressure she said "um...what happened to your arms??" . so that is on my records somewhere - and was why i was prescribed the fluoxitene.

I have NEVER mentioned anything else like tics (although i have had these since early childhood) or obsessive thoughts etc. I only go for actual illnesses nothing else.

Oh my dear:

'I only go for actual illnesses nothing else.'

Non physical illness, be them psychological or neurological is an actual illness, you're likely not doing these things because you're 'odd' or 'weird' it's a genuine, real, medical issue - that a (reasonably good) GP will be able to help sort out.

Do you mind my asking what the questions are that the doctor asks but you refuse to answer, OP?

Imperial nothing in particular but one especially is constantly asking me what wrong - it's not so much that I refuse to answer but I don't know so I can't

why do people assume that personal views/beliefs have to remain static for their whole lives?

I understand what you mean, OP. It's makes you feel 'unreal' in a sense because you don't feel you have the stability of strong convictions.
i used to tie myself up in knots analysing and then over analysing every little thing.
Some of us are just born very deep thinkers

what works for me is accepting that i may change my view on certain subjects after gaining new insight/knowledge
i've accepted that i may change some of my belief patterns as i experience more of life

i have certain fixed ideas/beliefs re god/equality/values etc, however, everything else is fluid.
Just like nature, i evolve.
Everyday i feel 'different', as though i'm a 'new' version of me compared to the previous day.

.....and then i remember reading how all the cells in our body regenerate and all have totally replaced the old ones every 7 years!!!!

So i'm never a static version of 'me'....i'm always evolving into a newer version of 'me'....

So at age 36, i've been a 'new me' five times already!

Nobody else 'gets' me on the thrill of this so don't expect many others to understand

What about saying 'I don't know' then when he asks you? That's an answer in itself.

Overall, it's up to you to decide whether you want to take it further, but you don't have to share everything with your Gp, just enough to give him a bit of an insight into what you're experiencing so he can help.

I would mention that if the GP refers you on to a psych person, you'd need to try and be a bit more open then so they can work out how best to help you. But they'd be very understanding about how talking about some of this stuff is really hard to talk about, or simply that you just don't know if you've never thought about these things before.

They normally do an assessment as a way to then decide what's the best treatment, if any is needed. That might be a specific medication for OCD, anxiety, depression, or lots of other types of problems, so they'd need as much info as you can tell them to get that right. They might suggest some sessions of therapy or counselling, which again could be really different according to the purpose of it.

If at any point you decide you don't think it's useful to carry on, that's fine, you won't be tied into anything. I'd just be careful not to stop taking any medicines in a hurry.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

When you were prescribed Prozac, did the GP suggest CBT for self harm?

If a doctor constantly asks you what's wrong, it indicates he/she can see there is something wrong, and is trying to help you.

If you write down the issues that you have covered in this thread, it might help you articulate them with the doctors.

I don't think you should pick one issue, I think you should list them all - childhood tics, OCD behaviours - eg skin picking, obsessive thoughts, excessive changeability that results in being unable to maintain friendships and jobs.

They may be linked.

Gloria - no she just asked if I wanted to lull myself and gave me the prescription.

Kill not lull

Go have a chat with your GP and tell them what you've said here, ie that you know something is not quite right but it's hard to describe so you'll give some examples.

Trust me, they will have seen it all before and then some (a quarter of people have some sort of mental illness at one time or other!), and it won't mark you out any more than if you went in with ingrowing toenails :)