To have once child ?

[notgivingin789]

Hey all,

I'm 22 years old and have a 7 year old DS ( I know I had him young- don't judge).

I get many people coming up to me asking when I'm going to have another child ? I tell them my age and the reply that "I am old enough to have another child" or they would say " I'm selfish for having just the one child and DS would want a sibling".

The issue is not that I don't want another child, it's just that I didn't want another child with a dad (DS dad) who doesn't even look after the child he already has (financially, emotionally). So why would I make my life more difficult by having another child by someone who can't be arsed about their current child.

Also, I found it really difficult juggling my studies and having a young child to take of (including a child who has extra needs) and who had a father who basically was useless ! I'm hoping to start on a Masters course this year and if by chance I meet a great person and I decide to have an extended family with them. Then great ! If not DS and I would do just fine.

Though I do find myself self doubting.. I am worried about the age gap between DS (7) and my (if) existing next child. I start to think...maybe I should just crack on with it like everyone tells me to do.

Has anyone else been through this? AIBU ?

[icy121]

Christ, having seen all the threads on here about massive sibling bust ups and going NC etc, having the one child is a very sensible choice!

[BornFreeButinEUchains]

Each family is totally unique, there are pros and cons of having an only child and having ten dc. There are pros and cons of having baby when v young and also when older. Age gaps don't matter - its all down to personality as to whether dc will ever get on well. Just relax and be happy, sounds like you have done enormously well on your own, you will know the right decisions to make.

[Gazelda]

You sound happy and you seem to have your life on track.
I presume your DS is happy.
So just let everyone mind their own business.
Having any only child is ok.
Having a large age gap is ok.
Having a child with someone you don't live, who abuses you and who isn't a good father to your DS isn't ok.

[SoftSheen]

I don't judge you for having a child at 15. These things happen.

I WOULD judge you for having another child with a man who you now know to be incapable of supporting them financially and emotionally.

Do your Masters course and get on with your career and your life. When (and if) you find yourself in a strong, stable relationship with a good man, then the question of another baby can be revisited. At 22, you have plenty of time on your side.

[haveacupoftea]

I am only planning one. If anyone tries to tell me to have more i'll be asking why they stopped at x number. Cheeky arseholes.

[notgivingin789]

Thank you soft . When people tell you things that contradict your opinions it makes you feel mad ! That's what I felt anyway.

[hellsbellsmelons]

THEY are mad!
You are intelligent and sane!

[steppemum]

You are 22. You are doing a great job with your ds. Plan for the life you and he want. Do your masters, get the job you love, enjoy your son and live life to the full.

If along the way you do meet someone, and decide to have another one, fine, if you don't fine, but don't worry about it now. Either way your ds will be fine.

[NotTheMrMenAgain]

What the hell? It's a good idea to have more kids with an abusive arse - clown so "all your kids have the same Dad" ?! WTF. I've never heard such bollocks. Are you sure these people have your best interests at heart?

I think you need new friends OP. Also, there's nothing wrong with having only one kid - I'm the proud owner of a fab only DD through choice, we just don't have the slightest urge to do it again

[joannegrady90]

Don't worry about having another, imo multiple children are overrated. I have 6 brothers and don't have a bond with any of them ..

I just have one special needs child DD age 8 and we have a fantastic life just the two of us (her dads a bell end too)