to speak to parent before the teacher?

[YesAnastasia]

I always try to speak to the parents I know of children in DC classes when something happens between the children.

I'd always like to know what's going on with DC and want the opportunity to speak to them if I can, so assume other parents would too.

I don't think other parents feel the same way. In fact I've had a bit of a hostile encounter with another parent who believes that if it happens at school, I should go to the teacher not the parents.

How many others feel like this? Is there an unspoken rule that I'm not aware of?

Before going to the other parent direct, how sure can you be of your DC's version of events? I just can. 100%

If that is your attitude to it, 'my child is right, yours is wrong' I can see why the other parent didn't take kindly to you accusing their child of something.

The SnowFairy Honestly, I'm not being a dick I just know. And they don't think that about their DC, they didn't even say that. Really doesn't matter now though because the teacher will know who's in the wrong.

It's a shame though because it didn't need to come to this, they could've just dealt with it quietly. Now he's going to get in trouble.

It's not an attitude. The behaviour displayed is well known, it's typical for the other child and it's pretty serious. My DS didn't even want me to say anything he's that intimidated.

But it is an attitude to the other child's parent. And corenering someone via text is not fair. If it is serious it should be dealt with by the school. If the child gets in trouble, so be it, he shouldn't have been misbehaving in the first place.

And also if he's intimidated by you talking to the mother the school should defiantly be involved so they are aware to look out for any repurcussions from the boy being found out.

"My DS didn't even want me to say anything"

How old is DS? do you think he is sick of you harassing parents at the gate and via text for his friends to know about it instead of the teacher dealing with it?

Always go through the teacher.

You may not have both sides of the story.

I have had friendships end badly this way!

The problem is if the other parent has asked their child and their story was different, but entirely believable. They may well tell their child "be careful what you say/ do when playing with MiniYes, I'd rather not have any more discussions about this with his mum". Some children might even decide playing with him at all if it constantly gets them in trouble. This might isolate your son.

Now he's going to get in trouble. He may or may not. If he did something wrong enough to be disciplined at school, then he should be anyway. He probably already has been if it did happen as your child says. Or maybe the teachers thought it trivial and decided against. If he didn't do it, then he won't be. This is independent of you going to the teacher.

He's intimidated by the other child, by the consequences of 'telling' on him.

I don't 'harass' parents. As I said, this is the second time I have been involved (ever) and it's the same parent/same child bullying mine. I only had good intentions contacting the parents, I am absolutely not an intimidating figure myself (quite the opposite) I thought I was being respectful.

As I have also said, I will go in to school and speak to the teacher from now on.

decide against playing

Well, if clearly bullying, even more important to never talk to the parents. TA, teacher, family liaison officer, headteacher, probably in this order.

Yes, paxillin I know that's a worry but it's kind of what I want - I would like this child to leave mine alone. Completely.

I know it's much better out of my hands now.

Well, I apologised for contacting them at home & told them it won't happen again and I will go straight to school next time.

There we are, I was BU.