AIBU to give this woman a quick poke in the eye?

[Ketchuponeverythingplease]

Ok, assault is unreasonable, but is it preferable to standing in the playground and shouting "Stop being so fucking needy!"

That should say whole day, I'm tired

I would just do your best to avoid her, and disengage with her as much as you can. Be 'busy' chatting to other parents, or chatting on your phone. Or do as I do and get there a bit later than the other parents, so you don't have any spare time before the kids come out of school for anyone to talk to you.

DS's best friend's granddad picks him up every day and I've had to use similar tactics to avoid him, as I find him rude and annoying. I'm polite and friendly but I try to physically avoid him as much as possible. Sometimes if I'm talking to one of the mums, he'll come and stand beside me but I pretend I haven't realised he's there, and I'll remain deep in conversation with whoever I'm chatting to, then once DS comes out I grab him and go.

Yanbu and yabu. Helpful!

I hated engaging on the school run. I'm not antisocial by any means, I'm just not keen on small talk. So I do get that point.

But I can't help feeling a little sad for her. For every parent who can't wait to escape the school grounds, there is another desperately hoping that today will be the day they strike up conversation and a potential friendship. People with social confidence don't realise how fortunate they are, I think.

Sorry, but YABU

Rubbish - This woman is not taking any hints - she is invading OP's head space and is becomming a pain in the butt to the point OP dreading the school run

And the thing is while she keeps engaging you - others are avoiding you because of her -

You aren't her friend - and while you may or may not be the only person she speaks to - while you act as her friend she won't move on and find a like minded sole - to be real friends with.....

It's almost cruel to keep her thinking you are friends - and leta face it - she's not being your friend is she? She doesn't sound like she takes any interest in you at all !! All me me me pity party

Don't give her the pity she's looking for - an oh is usually all it takes - sorry can't talk must dash

I have a friend a bit like this. I've known her for a while and have slowly realised that she's extremely needy. She's also a bit paranoid and if I haven't seen her in a couple of days she'll text with the PA 'oh are you avoiding me!!!!!!!' bullshit. I wouldn't dream of saying anything but reading your posts, I've just realised that I put up with it when I don't always want to. You have my sympathies.

I get you OP. I know it's probably unfriendly and antisocial, but day in and day out of forced socialization with people you just don't get on with take one hell of a toll. Especially when you've got your own shit to deal with! There's only so much you can do.

I second Across suggestion. She's looking for compliments and reassurance, not solutions. Once she figures that out, she'll back off.

I have a lady that I know from the playground who I know is a liar (I just tried to word that better but can't) I don't want to call her on it as I know she has had shit things happen but it's also making me distance myself from her. I really like her but the lies are draining, they aren't true and she has been caught out before but I didn't realise and then started to be friends with the her before I stopped working and started doing the school run. I still chat to her but I don't ask her over for a drink anymore. It's too tiring trying to pick through what she is really trying to say.

Is there anyone else at the school gate you could introduce her to? This could - 1. widen her circle of acquaintances, 2. take the pressure off you, 3. sow some compassion in yourself.

This woman is only feeling awkwardness at the school gate that a lot of people feel, and many MN threads are born from! Shes just not necessarily making conversation in the way you'd like. Maybe someone else would respond to her better. be a better friend

When I'm anxious or nervous I spout absolute shit. I always say the wrong thing and then feel even worse, which just makes me chat more crap. She might be the same. Don't worry, she'll probably give up on trying to make conversation soon. I have!

I have someone in my life who tends to want to download their anxiety on me. I used to engage with it but don't any more.

Now, I listen and say, in a neutral tone of voice, something like, "That's a shame "; "That's a pity "; "Oh that's very sad".

I no longer reassure, give advice, ask further questions about the issue or otherwise engage, because it makes no difference.

Not my job to be responsible for someone else's emotions!
Just started this recently but it seems to be helping!

Don't worry, she'll probably give up on trying to make conversation soon.

OP has said she's been doing this for about 4 years. I wouldn't recommend holding your breath....

I'd go broken record on the "I'm sorry, I'm having a bad time myself. I don't have headspace for this" suggestion.

Could you make small talk with other school run parents / carers. That way you have someone with you and there might not be room in the conversation to stroke her ego.

I know if you're alone all day you might want to talk with other parents, it's the only interaction you get. But I wouldn't unload my troubles and worries at the school gate. I think a few Mums have tried to do that, I'm like oh I know how you feel it's bloody awful when this / that / the other happens.
But then I think that gives them a sense of perspective when one says oh I've got to start some new medication. I'll be like I know how you feel, you just don't know which way it'll go, but ignore the possible sides effects list & think what if this works for me.
My family is very no nonsense, so I guess I'm the same. Like if someone's died I'll be like oh that is dreadful I'm so sorry for your loss. But someone who is all oh I look so ghastly today, I would actually say we all have them days. Tomorrow is a fresh start eh!
So you want to stop enabling her, def get there before or after she does and try to talk to different people. That way the conversation is mixed, she might not feel confident to share her inner thoughts with new people.
Yes she could be lonely, anxious, in a crap situation. Has anyone told her that's life? It's not all sparkly and happy.
NB I don't go on FB or IG as I can't deal with the drip feeding, where someone posts, I feel so awful sadface then you have to have a minimum of 5 people going 'Aww no hugs what has happened, we're here for you!' Till you get drip fed some more. That and people doing the pyramid schemes selling stuff, that I would not buy, like magic wraps that can dissolve your waist. Actually suggest that to her, I'm sure there's a person about that sells those pills and wraps that magic the weight away.

can't you just walk away and not be busy elsewhere?

She actually cries? That's not normal surely!

She cries? And has been doing this for 4 years? That's ridiculous. She may be struggling but this is really ott. I'm surprised you've coped for so long .

Two possibilities occur to me. Firstly, she could be genuinely and seriously depressed. But that's not your problem to 'fix'. All you can do, really, is to suggest that it's not usual to be quite so prone to tears and that she might benefit from some medial and therapeutic help.

Secondly, there are people who weaponize emotion to drag others in and make them feel responsible for their emotions. I know someone who does this as a way of getting a whole host of other people to do her job for her: vulnerability is remarkably good at getting some people places.

Yes, she cries. Her woes are greater than anyone elses.

Shovetheholly, what do you mean by weaponize? Do you mean being emotionally manipulative?

I mean that for some people, appearing vulnerable is used as a tactic for getting time/attention/their own way to an unreasonable degree that would not be tolerated if it were demanded in any other way (i.e. without tears). It exploits the extremity of the behaviour: most people will only cry in public if they are feeling really upset, and we all tend to react to someone who is tearful by trying to help.

She sounds like a royal PITA to me. I would probably force the issue - probably to encourage the tears.
Then I would say, "You seem to cry a lot more than anyone else around here... Do you think that's normal? I honestly don't think I can help you - you're way out of my comfort zone and I think you should speak to your doctor about getting a referral to a specialist." She sounds like she would probably love the drama, and may well just do it.

Perhaps she isn't good at realising others have stuff going on. if she is going to therapy and has no one else to talk to then, she will want to find assurance from others on the playground. It sounds like maybe you are frustrated because you need someone to talk to.