AIBU to give this woman a quick poke in the eye?

[Ketchuponeverythingplease]

Ok, assault is unreasonable, but is it preferable to standing in the playground and shouting "Stop being so fucking needy!"

I feel sorry for her too. But i think i have hit a sort of wall of compassion fatigue.

i think i have hit a sort of wall of compassion fatigue

That's understandable. I don't think there's a right answer here. You have a lot on and emotionally so does she.

I used to be her BTW. I know she feels. Asking for reassurance becomes addictive. The words are out before you can stop yourself. I was in therapy for years. I've also experienced compassion fatigue so I can see both sides.

You need Harry Potter's cloak of invisibility!

Though can't help thinking it takes some measure of courage to go up to someone and talk when lonely.

She probably has anxiety issues. Ignore her if you are that bothered!

She sounds lonely and like she needs a friend. Obviously that isn't you.

She needs therapy to stop being needy. I'd steer her in that direction and I wouldnt enable her. Its draining.

Gosh, she sounds exhausting.

What about being a bit more honest with her about how all this makes you feel? 'I'm really sorry, it's just that I've had a bad time lately and I can't deal with negativity and anxiety right now'. I need to be around positive and upbeat people.' You are allowed to assert your own needs here too!

I have a friend who used to be just like this and it was exhausting when I only saw her a few times a month! Suggestions of shopping for clothes was my worst nightmare as it would mean an hour (I'm not kidding or exaggerating either) in each changing room asking for reassurances on every outfit which would also lead to her general appearance (which was perfectly fine of course). However, I bit my tongue with it as much as possible as I knew how her past had caused this and she was/is a very good friend. BUT it was so exhausting. I can't imagine it on a daily basis and with someone you don't have an existing friendship with.

handslikecowstits has made me feel quite guilty for feeling like that though as I had never considered that. With my friend, it was achieving more in her life that reduced the neediness although I can see that anxiety is still here a bit. It's either a case of you doing all you can to avoid her or deciding to become friends in order to help her get out of this

Don't be horrible to her. But next time she says something, just say - I have had a terrible year and really don't have anything left to give.

I worked with a woman like this. She was obsessed with how old people thought she was. She looked good for her age and clearly knew it but wanted to be constantly reminded. A new guy started and she started all the faux self deprecation. The guy was totally not interested in her rambling and when she asked him how old he thought she was he said "40 from the back, 50 from the front". It was spectacularly rude but she stopped her nonsense forthwith. She was 35 btw.

be on your phone all the time, that works! and if you see her siding up to you slowly turn away and pretend to use a phone..works every time, keep eyes lowered.

Disengaging completely with headphones is probably the way to go. Can you have taken up a foreign language and you are listening to recordings? Or you've joined a self improvement program cult and are learning how to achieve true enlightenment through self-actualization? that'll have them running for the hills.

How about:
'Oh my hair always looks ghastly in the morning'
'Yeah it's really annoying when that happens'
'I just can't shift the baby weight'
'Yes I remember those days'

Don't give her the reassurance she wants and she'll have to move to someone else.

Start smiling and saying "Yes it's dreadful" to everything :)

But it might be time to simply blurt out "I really don't give a toss and I'm sick of hearing your negativity and whining".

Don't give her the reassurance she's craving, give her 'helpful, kind advice' with an earnest, concerned expression but ask no questions.

"Oh, these last pounds of baby weight" gets a response of "Have you tried Weight Watchers? I found it very good".

"My hair is awful" gets "Oh, have you tried XX product? Iv'e heard it works wonders!"

"I'm seeing my therapist today" gets "Therapy can work wonders. I hope you find it helpful."

If you don't give her the reassurance she's craving, she'll stop looking for it from you.

I'd find this very draining OP.
You're right, we all have something to go on about, should we be that way inclined. I'd just stay on the phone if I were you, and make a quick exit.
You're not going to change her, by listening, she'll latch on to someone else soon.

I'm awful but as a last resort you could always try to outdo her.

"Oh my hair looks so ghastly."
"Right, but look at this mess! How'd you like to wake up and see this every day in the mirror!"

"Oh these last pounds of baby weight..."
"Oh, goodness, I know exactly how you feel. Why, just this morning I looked at the scale and thought for sure I'd entered a parallel universe."

"I'm seeing my therapist today."
"Oh, you're so lucky, mine's still in the hospital recovering from being attacked by a former client! Imagine how disturbing, to think all those times in the waiting room I might have passed right by a certifiable lunatic!"

If you make it a game of one-upsmanship, you'll feel much less like poking her eye out. Of course, you'll also be acting like a bit of a heartless twat, so, there's that.

What Across said is the best way to deal with this. If she stops getting reassurance from you, she will stop seeking it from you, and possibly start engaging you on a more honest level.

*How about:
'Oh my hair always looks ghastly in the morning'
'Yeah it's really annoying when that happens'
'I just can't shift the baby weight'
'Yes I remember those days'

LOL I aftually do this!! Probably why needy people avoid me!!!

It the equivalent of those passive-aggressive Facebook statuses, 'going to therapist today' 'bad hair day' 'feeling fat' plus sad-face emoji. Always calculated to elicit the 'u ok Hun?' 'Your hair's lovely' 'you have a great figure' solicitations and validations. At least on fb you can scroll on by and pretend you didn't see it, face to face like this, you're trapped.
I would (and do) make it about me.
"I know, I hate when my hair does that. My split ends are driving me mad and it's so expensive to keep getting trims. Reminds me, must make an appointment -"
"Yes, it's so hard shedding the baby weight, I swear I only have to look at a donut but my gym instructor says..."
"Therapy? Yes, my sister in law swears by it, it really helped her sort out her need for constant reassurance from acquaintances."

Alternatively, you could give yourself a quick poke in the eye. If you do it hard enough, you could end up with an injury more impressive than any of her self-announced flaws!

I'm helpful!

Have you not thought that you could explain to her that you have so much going on in your life that you have no emotional space left for these "propping up" conversations you seem to constantly be having?

Justilou I have thought that very thought, twice a day for the past four years. She dissolves into floods of tears about seemingly everything, and I know i would end up in a worse position than i started, apologising for making her cry.

4 years? Look, I'm all for being sympathetic towards people who have emotional issues/social awkwardness and I get what some posters say about feeling sorry for her but at what point does it become NOT your fucking problem?
OP, you have things going on in your own life you need headspace for and this is an additional burden you don't need. If she bursts into tears (emotional blackmail/tyranny of the weak) I'd say "I'm sorry, but I really can't help you, I'm just not equipped for this. Perhaps you need to talk further with your therapist." And then just walk away.

To be honest, she sounds very lonely and like someone who just needs someone to talk to. She obviously considers you are friend, even though it's not reciprocal. Perhaps you're the only adult she talks to the whole time sometimes.
Sorry, but YABU