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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cross with School

61 replies

MrsTarzan1 · 26/01/2017 15:53

My daughter (8) was due to do football after school. They usually come out at 3.15pm, football ends at 4.15pm.

At 3.15 I had a call to say she was unwell, didn't feel up to it and could we collect. I said yes fine, be there in 5-10mins.

I arrived at school & went to the office. There was no sign of her. The member of staff went to look, came back after a minutes to ask which class she was in (obviously no idea where she was!)

Anyway, about 5 minutes later, 2 Mums that I know (reasonably well, but not friends as such) arrived in Reception with her. She had been let out as normal with all the other kids at 3.15! Angry She was just stood in the playground alone.

I'm livid! They had no idea when I when I would be there, anyone could have walked off with her. I want to complain, but want to check others would be annoyed by this too!

AIBU?

OP posts:
Fallonjamie · 26/01/2017 16:53

I'm not a teacher either but walked five minutes to and from school on my own at 8 so can't see why an 8 year old couldn't wait in a playground and know to walk back into school if Mum wasn't there.

NavyandWhite · 26/01/2017 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Willow2016 · 26/01/2017 16:59

Ir was 5 - 10 minutes, unless she was really unwell and needed supervising the fact that she was waiting in the playground is fine, she wasnt walking down the M1!

Most of our kids are walking home themselves by then at our school.

You had a scare, but no actual harm done, she was chatting to friends until you came, just tell her next time to wait in reception/office or at school door so you know where to get her.

Checkedstripes · 26/01/2017 17:03

OP - you asked if you were being unfair and then become peeved when people don't agree with you! Don't ask unless you actually want proper replies. Also, why on earth would it matter if they were all teachers?! Like its some huge conspiracy Hmm

smilingsarahb · 26/01/2017 17:05

I can't really work out the sequence of events. I'm either concerned the teacher let the child out not knowing whether the office got hold of you, which isn't ok. The child would have eventually realised you weren't coming and gone in but that's not great. Or the teacher got the message you'd be there in 5 and let the child out thinking 5 mins isn't long, which is fine. The confusion seems to be the office person not knowing if the child had been sent to the office or not and realising they weren't in the office area or at football so wanting to call the class to ask...which might have been a bit concerning for a minute but isn't the end of the world - that's just asking the wrong person, the teacher knew where she was and that you were nearly therd. Or did the office lose her as they thought she was with them and were surprised she wasn't still sat in the sick room..which again is not ok.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 26/01/2017 17:06

Why couldn't she wait in the playground for 5-10 mins? Confused

Witchend · 26/01/2017 17:08

Yes, I would expect all mine at 8yo to have walked back to the office.
In fact when ds in a similar situation didn't and decided to walk home himself (45 minutes walk) I was much crosser with him than the school.

At 8yo I'd expect her to have said to the teacher "I'm going home instead of football because I'm not feeling well, where should I wait" if she had any concerns where she should be. And certainly if you hadn't turned up in reasonable time I would expect her reaction to be to go back to the office.

Original poster
MrsTarzan1 · 26/01/2017 17:14

Our school don't allow them to walk home alone until they're in year 6- she is year 4

OP posts:
Orangetoffee · 26/01/2017 17:17

At my DC junior school the rule is that if your parent (or whoever does the pick up) is not there, you go to the office to wait.

DelphiniumBlue · 26/01/2017 17:19

I don't understand how the school's safeguarding policies allow her to be left in the playground by her teacher without adult supervision.
I work in a school, and we either hand a child over to an adult, or take them back into school, where any remaining kids are signed in and then collected whenever their adult arrives.
I would be kicking up merry hell - it's not just whether some random might take her, but what if she injured herself?
Wouldn't happen on my watch!

corythatwas · 26/01/2017 17:21

Not a teacher here, but being alone in the playground at age 8 for 5 minutes seems a bit of a non-issue. She waited for you there, eventually she was found, no harm done. Yes, they made a mistake, but an apology should sort it, surely?

Bluntness100 · 26/01/2017 17:24

Just have a word with her and tell her in future to go wait in the office or where ever. The issue is possibly she told them at the last minute she didn't want to do football.

FrancisCrawford · 26/01/2017 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EweAreHere · 26/01/2017 17:27

Yes, I would really expect an 8 year old to go back inside and tell the office that you were still waiting for your mother if you hadn't appeared within about 5 minutes. Children do this all the time at our school (when parents are running late for whatever reason).

Foxysoxy01 · 26/01/2017 17:34

Not a teacher and YABU

She is 8, she is old enough to wait in the playground for you! I am quite Shock that you think she is too young to be in a playground surrounded by others (as your two friends where there I presume there were also other mothers/teachers/kids about)

If you think she might be likely to go off with a stranger than that's your failing tbh.

deadringer · 26/01/2017 17:39

Yabu

longdiling · 26/01/2017 17:41

If it's school policy not to let them walk home alone then they shouldn't have let her out - it doesn't matter how many mumsnetters and their kids were crossing rivers and climbing mountains unsupervised to get to school at that age. They should follow their own policy. And this is even more true if the child was poorly - you'd think if they were concerned enough to ring you they would be concerned enough to hand her to an adult or get her to wait in the office. Very odd.

That said, she was old enough to have gone back in to the classroom if she was concerned so I wouldn't be going in all guns blazing making out that she could have been kidnapped. I would raise it with them though - if they aren't following their own policy presumably this could have happened to a much younger child too so it needs looking into.

user1484317265 · 26/01/2017 17:44

Would you really expect an 8 year old to take herself off to the office to meet me?! She just did what she was told

Yes, of course I would. My 9 year old walks out of school and thats it, he can walk home alone if he likes (actually he crosses the road and comes to find me waiting in the car, but still).

You need your kid some basic skills!

Becles · 26/01/2017 17:48

Wow. Safeguarding as she was in a playground surrounded by other parents and childrenShock

To think that I used to get the bus to and from.school at that age. ..

Naicehamshop · 26/01/2017 17:50

It won't be teachers who are telling you that YABU op. I work in a school and this is very clearly in breach of safeguarding regs. Mistakes can happen of course, but I would mention it to the school so they can tighten up on this.

debbs77 · 26/01/2017 17:50

They should have known where she was. And she should've gone in to reception. I've taught my children to do this if I'm ever not there.

But also, my older daughter (12) was once kept after school for a sport she had been asked to play in. She was asked on the day and she told them she would need to ring me to check. They said they would ring. Which they did at 3.05pm when school finished at 3pmy! I missed the call as I was collecting my younger children......I got home and she wasn't home!!!!!!! My stomach dropped and it was awful. Only then did I see the missed call. Went to the school to collect her at the time they said in the message and she had been let out 10 minutes earlier than that to walk home (she assumed I knew that) and we missed each other! Luckily she saw my car drive by but it was dark by then and she could've easily missed me. She turned round and ran back to school. Burst into tears when she saw me. I had very stern words with the school!!!!

Reality16 · 26/01/2017 17:59

Oh fuck sake one of the very first things I taught my kids when they went into school at 4 years old was that of no one was there at pick up to go back in. Surely to fuck by age 8 a child should be fully aware of that Confused

I think rather than raging about the school OP you should discuss with your child what to do in various situations where you might not be there as expected.

Topseyt · 26/01/2017 18:02

I am not a teacher, but I really can't see your massive issue here.

She was waiting in the playground. She is 8. She could easily have taken herself into the office and asked questions if she wasn't sure and yes, I would have expected an 8 year old to do that. In fact, in your shoes I would have been asking her why on earth she hadn't done this.

Another obvious question is why on earth you yourself didn't pop out and check the playground instead of just standing there getting "livid"? Surely it is the other obvious place she might be?

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 26/01/2017 18:05

It depends on how the school usually let the children out surely. Our juniors are just allowed to leave and a lot walk home. Another local school hand the children to an adult right up to year 6.

But a year 4 really should have the sense to have gone back to the office to wait for you if you weren't there

40somethingwonderful · 26/01/2017 18:07

Sorry but I think yabu.

8 is plenty old enough to wait for 5-10 mins in the playground or go back into class and tell the teacher no one has collected them.

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