To be upset by my sister?

[cattypussclaw]

In a nutshell... My 50th birthday is on a Saturday this year. My husband has been saying at family events over the last year or so, where my sister has been present, that it would be nice to have a big party to celebrate. Extended family, old friends, new friends, everyone we've ever known (husband loves a party) would be invited.

Discovered by accident yesterday (BIL mentioned it) that my sister has booked tickets for that evening. For a band she loves and sees regularly.

AIBU to be upset that my sister obviously took the conscious decision to blow out any event I might have planned for my birthday in favour of going to a concert?

My second AIBU in a week. Perhaps I'm over-sensitive...

But you haven't planned anything yet, nothing has been booked so I think YABU

I guess she booked it before you had anything actually planned? If this is the case I'm not sure she has blown it off. Plus it sounds like you will have plenty of people there, so maybe being a bit sensitive.

YABU. If you haven't set the date, she can make alternate plans if she wants. However, if I were you I'd be sending out a Save the Date for another weekend pretty soon so others don't make plans as well.

If you hadn't actually booked anything and had only mentioned it as an idea, then YABU.

Absolutely true KinkyAfro. We have talked lots about doing something though, and "on the day" as my birthday is a Saturday so something will be arranged for that day.

No, just booked Bluntness100 which is why BIL mentioned it as he's quite excited.

My sister and I do have a bit of an awkward relationship (we're chalk & cheese) so big history that I won't bore you with, suffice to say we're not desperately close.

Guess I am being over-sensitive.

ooh
I'm having issues with my sis as well so that might colour my reply but yes. I think that was wrong.

she could have at least called and said "this band are here, are you doing something or not" - even if you'd said "I'm not sure" she could then have said that she didn't want to miss out so would book" etc.

this is a big birthday. When I turned 40 and dithered a bit over what to do, my 2 best mates were keeping a few days free while I decided. (I say dithered, I mean it took about 3 days for me to pick a day and actviity which isn't horrific).

I guess if you haven't actually arranged anything, nothing is set in stone....And just because you are arranging and inviting people, doesn't mean they have to attend.

That's what I thought Lorelei76. It's a BIG birthday, my birthday is on a Saturday so a good day to hold a party is on the day, and I thought she'd at least check with me.

I never book things near family birthdays (Mum, Dad, sister) without checking first.

You can come then instead?

But you haven't made definite plans. She hasn't double booked herself because you haven't said the party is going to happen. Even if you were close to each other YABU.

No Mumzypopz, attendance isn't compulsory but wouldn't you make the effort (gritting your teeth if necessary) to go to your sister's birthday party?

But as yet there is no party!

I think she could have kept it free until you had confirmed the party was going to be your actual birthday.

Just have the party without her.

I can barely remember birthdays, if it's in quite a few months, she might have just forgotten

Yabu

It's a band she loves vs something that might be arranged but might not or might be on a different day

My 50th was on a Saturday too. My DB and his family weren’t able to come as they had booked a holiday and were going to be away. I wasn’t really that bothered. I had a lovely day without them. My DSIL did make me a cake before she went though!

I don't see why people are saying there is no party, you haven't booked. You have been clearly saying for a long time that there will be a party on that day. She knows there will be a party on that day. She has chosen something else instead, knowing full well she will most likely miss your party (unless you change the date).

You're not being oversensitive. She knows you are having a party and doesn't intend to go. She's free to make that choice, but you don't have to not be upset by it.

YANBU. It's quite normal not to book something on the date of a friend's or family member's birthday. I guess she doesn't want to come to any party you may have. She obviously knew it was your big birthday but it didn't matter to her. I wouldn't say anything as she's clearly made her choice; don't give her the satisfaction of thinking you're upset.

I think she's been mean op.

You have told her you are having a party on your actual birthday so she knew.

Her loss. Send her an invite anyway and see what she says.

You're not close, and you seem to be more concerned about the principle of the issue rather than actually missing your sister's company. She's probably aware of that.

Of course you're not being unreasonable! I'd be really pissed off if my bro or sis did this. It's just thoughtless! Maybe she will sell the tickets and come to the party? Or is that completely out of the question?

' it would be nice to have a party for x birthday'

' we will be having a party for x birthday, on her actual birthday, details tbc.'

Which of these did you actually say to your sister? If the first then she's taken it as nothing firm happening . So yabu.

If the latter then you are understandably upset and yanbu

thestoic has it.

I think your looking for the negatives here and your sister proabbaly knows that you're like that. She quite possibly feels like she "can't win".

if you're not even close, does it matter?
i think you're being a tad precious. it's just a birthday party.

my sister invited me to her 40th last year
i didn't go
not because i don't like her, but it was an expensive meal out, with a load of her friends who i don't know. i just didn't fancy it. she wasn't insulted. well i hope not