Difficult Friend

[Cackleberry4]

We have been friends for nearly twenty years. She is a high achiever where as I have only ever wanted to have a role that brought me satisfaction and personal reward, I'm not a glory or money hunter.

Over time it has become apparent that she considered us to be closer friends than I ever considered us to be, we have never been fully compatible in my eyes but she can be OK in small doses.

She has always been persistent in wanting to meet up, more frequently than I may have liked, but I go along with it. Every single time she is late, I cannot be doing with tardiness, and if were a business meeting she would be on time.

Recently I have been unwell and hospitalised, she wanted to meet up before she went on an extended overseas trip. I was given a window of opportunity and made some suggestions, she responded with can't do x, y or z. I then went into hospital and emailed explaining the situation, she emailed me back wanting to visit in hospital (I loathe hospital visitors) or to come to my home when I was discharged (when I'd be recuperating and the burden of visitors would be unbearable).

In the end we couldn't meet before she departed and I sent her an email wishing her well for her secondment and explained that I was sorry that we hadn't met up but I had been really quite unwell (5 days in hospital isn't trivial) and I had felt a little badgered by her persistence.

I have heard nothing since.

So, WIBU?

I said I was going to slink away but feel the need to come back and address some of the comments.

My friend originally used the word 'badgering' I shrugged it off but then she came back with 'we'll pop round when you're home', which I declined as I felt like rubbish and just wasn't up to hosting guests in my PJs or the effort of putting on day clothes and painting on a happy face. So, I simply reflected her own words.

My opening comment was to do with the fact that she is very driven and has slots booked into her schedule to see people, I prefer a more relaxed 'hey, it's been a while let's catch up when you're free'.

There is a lot of backstory and I am not the only one to find her hard work at times. I may painted myself into a corner with how I've expressed myself ☹️️

Possibly OP but a lot of us are guilty of that on here!

I honestly think (especially since you've said she has slots booked into her schedule) that she does care for you and just wanted to see you before she went off on her merry way.

My own mother is guilty of booking me into slots. Not particularly motherly but hey, it's the way she is and how she balances her social life with work.

If you want to remain friends (and clear the air for your own peace of mind) just drop her a gentle line. It's not out of character for someone wanting some peace and quiet upon returning home from hospital. She will probably understand.

If you're not too fussed about the friendship, leave it at that.

Hope you're feeling better!

I can sort of see where you're coming from OP because I was in a similar situation to you. My friend of 25+ years just pushed me to the limit and I was a bit harsh on her. We didn't speak for a few months but I felt very uncomfortable being "bad friends" with someone so I contacted her and apologised. Despite the fact she'd been out of order many times and never apologised to me.

So in answer to your question yes you were a bit out of order but I understand why. As you haven't had a reply I assume your friend has got the message.

So the question is this. What do you want to happen now? I think if you want to maintain a friendship you're going to have to make the first move (maybe use your being ill as the reason you were off with her ..?)
But if you've had enough of her then this is your out.

I will add that in my situation my friend has been much better behaved with me since we've got back in touch. So perhaps it'll be the same for you and your friend ..?

Good luck!

I get you OP. I'm in a similar situation with a long term friend. We've just outgrown the friendship. Once you admit this to yourself, you'll feel more focused. You just realise it before her.

I get the "slots" to visit. I've also experienced this. I don't work. Dh & I took early retirement. Live a simple life. She works fulltime. I got "We can meet for lunch for around an hour". I put all the effort into meeting up. The travelling into city centre etc. This has gone on for around 4yrs. Then a few months ago I stopped it. I felt like I was being chucked crumbs. She constsntly told me I was her Bf! We never did anything more. She reminded me constantly that she worked fulltime etc. I eventually began to realise she deemed her time more important than mine. I've made myself not available. I no longer endure the weekly 1hr calls. It was always the same topics over & over & over.

Just move on OP. Friendships are allowed to end. We've just moved on in different directions. We no longer have anything in common. I've just realised it quicker than she has.

Oh fuck this lot it's your life you dont have to justify yourself, if she's been a shit friend then dont feel guilty at all, as my mum always says "if its meant to be it'll be" you dont sound difficult to me and at the end of the day true friends would understand a need for space if you wanted it that does not make you a bitch or a bad friend!!! And I hope you have recovered well from whatever you were in hospital with, something all these repliers seem to have skipped over. Basically I dont think you were being unreasonable at all.