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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Raising a child in England being from abroad

92 replies

Octuscactus · 24/01/2017 16:55

Well I've been living in a England for some years and my daughter just turned 12.

I'm trying to use the common sense but I'm fiding a little hard to raise my daughter to the standards I was raised.

So mothers from abroad, what's the main difference or the most difficult part for you to raise your children in England?
For me is the amount of freedom/choice you give to a young kid even if it is related to sex (pornography and sexting), or drugs.

Please let me know your thoughts I would love to hear from "protective" mothers

OP posts:

Nataleejah · 25/01/2017 17:50

Agree that freedom is relative. And if you have experience to compare, some things are just done different way here. Young children are more mollycoddled, but teenagers become independent faster. Back where i am from, its normal that fully parents support their kids up through the university.

LoveforPGTipsMonkey · 26/01/2017 00:28

Ruby, after giving us a challenge, aren't you going to tell us which country are you from, or at least if anyone guessed correctly? feels let down irrationally

Yokohamajojo · 26/01/2017 09:40

I would say Ruby is from my neck of the woods up north where Santa is from (disputed between Sweden and Finland)

RubyWinterstorm · 26/01/2017 12:28

no no no, I am Dutch

But I have a love affair with Scandinavia (holidays in Norway and Sweden, would like to visit Finland too!)

I love Britain too (despite the Brexit vote ) but a couple of things about me are still Dutch I guess, despite 20 years in this country.

Whenever we go to Holland, everyone says how polite my kids are (that's the British dad!) and in the UK people think it's funny that we talk about sex and drugs as if it's not big deal (asks DS (10) in the middle of dinner: "what is a blowjob?" and I explain, an English friend at the table almost keeled over ), or "what's the big deal about cocaine?" etc.

Not saying I am a great parent. I am not! I am making it up as I go along, but there are just some differences. Am going to a lecture at school about "the teenage mindset", will be interesting!

brasty · 26/01/2017 12:40

The big differences I see is far less freedom for kids, and far less responsibility. Kids who get lots of things done for them, and are accompanied till an age that would be very unusual in some other countries. I think children here tend to be less mature as a result.

LoveforPGTipsMonkey · 26/01/2017 21:04

yess! I did say 'France or Holland' obv needs a life

MothersRuinart · 26/01/2017 21:18

Packed lunches and the cost of childcare are the things I struggle with a lot.

Also, there aren't that many outdoor playing facilities such as playgrounds or even just empty fields where kids could play.

Cafes and restaurants, trains and shops etc don't really cater for kids in terms of having a play area for them or child-size trolleys.

What I do like about the UK approach to parenting vs my own country is that kids here learn to be much more sociable. Also here you can see so many different styles of parenting and I feel there's less pressure to be a perfect organic earth mother.

As my DS grows, I think I will struggle with the level of involvement that parents here seem to have in their children's education. But I'm not saying it's a bad thing, just something I will need to learn.

oblada · 26/01/2017 21:20

I'm not sure how it really matters where you are/come from... I'm from abroad and so is DH (different 'abroad'). We raise our kids based on our values and morals. Don't care what others do to be honest. Plenty of things we disagree (or indeed agree) with others on, whether those people are brits or otherwise is rly not relevant to us. If we lived in our home countries (whichever) I expect it would be the same: we would agree with certain things and disagree with others and do things our way! Yes kids are influenced by what goes on around them but in this day and age of globalisation there are a lot more factors to take into account anyway... Just raise your kids how you want, follow your values and morals. I don't rly believe that national culture is such a big/important thing, it's only a superficial layer, in every country/community you will find people you can relate to and others you don't.

MuddlingMackem · 26/01/2017 22:59

MothersRuinart Thu 26-Jan-17 21:18:34

As my DS grows, I think I will struggle with the level of involvement that parents here seem to have in their children's education. But I'm not saying it's a bad thing, just something I will need to learn.

TitaniasCloset · 26/01/2017 23:21

Op you have been so rude in your posts, at first I thought it was because of the language like a pp, but I think you are just bloody rude actually and and arrogant. Don't bring up your child here if we are all so awful.

Dierdre I love you!

So much has changed in the UK since i was small and I think the internet and the music and videos on msm have brought different challenges, some of which I'm just not happy about having to tackle. I'm kind of hoping that a Mary Whitehouse for the modern age will come along and I can rally behind her.

The videos on MTV are basically soft porn, there is sex everywhere and its hard to protect children or even know what they have seen and how its affecting them.

I won't even get started on what this all means for a young persons body image.

Our children are now facing challenges that no other previous generation has and I can't see it ending well depressingly enough.

PantyLiner · 26/01/2017 23:43

Crikey Mikey my kids take their phones to bed. They are 16, 14 and 12. They chat to their friends. I cant see a problem with that. If they wanted to look at porn they could do it anywhere - even school.

My girls don't wear short dresses and none of them have rolled up drunk or stoned. Phew! Judging by your concerns over British parenting OP I'll give myself a gold star shall I? On second thoughts I don't know any of my kids' friends who are into sex, drugs and rock n roll either - well maybe the 16 year old boys but that is a perfectly normal part of growing up (maybe not the drugs).

My 14 year old is experimenting with make up. Should I ban it now before she hits the headlines in the Daily Fail??

NotStoppedAllDay · 27/01/2017 00:16

Well op your daughter sounds lovely or a bad influence!!!

I wouldn't want my own DD wanting to wear such short skirts like your own DD!!

NotStoppedAllDay · 27/01/2017 00:17

That's ' your daughter sounds like a bad influence '

TitaniasCloset · 27/01/2017 02:26

No chance of Op coming back is there?

EveOnline2016 · 27/01/2017 02:58

My dd aged 7 takes her ipad to bed every night. I know 100% what she is doing. Reading on the kindle app.

Ds aged 10 I have no idea, but the wifi password is change every night so he is either playing on pre installed apps < approved by me as he don't have the password > or he will get some paper and draw.

PantyLiner · 28/01/2017 01:48

No chance of Op coming back is there?

Probably not. Hopefully she would have had a re-think? Or maybe has set her mind that all British Children are "Wild and uncared for" and all British parents have "Given up". We'll see....

originalmavis · 28/01/2017 09:17

Doubt it. Probably just wanting a bitch fest if how terrible British children and parenting it. She's not over here as the wife of a diplomat I hope...

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