To think this inheritance split is not fair?

[Big8]

Ok, firstly I know I should be grateful to be getting anything from my grandparents. And I am. But I'm just wondering what the general consensus is on this...

Grandparents have 2 offspring.

Have set aside £x for grandchildren.

There are five grandchildren.

My father has 4. His sister has 1.

Now rather than the £x being split into 5 equal portions for us all

Half of £x goes to Aunts child.
Half goes to my dad's children to be divided between 4.

So say it's £1000

Cousin gets £500.

We get £125 each.

What do you think of that?

Rebalancing to 60% for my DBs DCs, 40% for mine.

I think it is an unfair split and I can't imagine what your grandparents are thinking.

I think it's odd and a bit mean.

As the only child she will inherit everything from her parents as well whereas the 3 of you will have to split 3 ways.

If I were leaving money to my children or grandchildren it would be an even split to each person especially if I were leaving a nominated amount.

My Grandma was really mean to my dad. She left everything to his brother and sister and nothing to him as he had worked hard and done well for himself and they had never worked and relied on handouts all their life. Not sure what message that was supposed to give but my dad was very hurt by it.

How long ago was the will made? As other posters have said they may have been advised to split the money in this way in case either of their children had another child (or any of their grandchildren died) rather than £X amount to named person.

Plus bear in mind that the cousin (only child) may have to look after elderly parents alone (not share that between four).

My grandfather left his house to my brother, not any of his kids or other grandchildren, which was his choice. I think he didn't want things to be split up to be sold. So be thankful for what you've got!

Imagine the money was split the way you wanted it to be.......the other side of the family may feel it was unfair that your side had a larger portion than their side.

Another way to look at it is ......it would be quite feasible for your grandparent to split the money JUST between her two children, with a note requesting them to 'provide some money for their own offspring (her grandchildren) as they see fit'. The result would be that you could be left with less than your cousin.

In general, the more siblings you have, the less inheritance there is to go around. Siblings always have to share the inheritance (from their own parents for example).

So, no, I don't think the split is unfair.

However, I think inheritance and wills are often a source of resentment within families, so I would not criticise you for questioning it or feeling put out, even though the split seems fair to me.

if she's evenly split the money between two families, for those families to then share out amongst their DC then it's probably the fairest way.

The grandparents don't control how many grandchildren are born to each family, and have to kee adjusting their will to take some off the family who have one DC to give to the ones who have had three or four.

It's not hem favouring one child, it really isn't, they've given equal money to all families, the larger families end up with less because they've got more member to share around. Not the fault of the grandparents or the family with the smaller family.

if she did it the other way then I guess your aunt will say it's not fair that every time your dad has another child, money is taken off her DC and that your family end up with loads more etc.

Don't take it personally OP.

Once again, people aren't reading the op properly. This is the money that the grandparents have set aside for the grandchildren, not the money that they are leaving to their two children.

On paper it looks completely unfair.

If they said they were leaving it to their own DCs then the split would be no issue. My DBIL has no children, it would be really shit if a greater share of his DP's estate went to a combination of DH and our DCs just because he has no children.

Why can't they leave an equal amount to each grandchild? Why are you all pretending that this doesn't look unfair just so that you can tell the op she is grabby?

You would have a valid point if it was your money & your wishes.

However, it's not

My grandparents are leaving everything to my cousin as he's the boy! Nothing for my sisters and I. At the end of the day it's not money I would ever have factored into my life in any way as it's theirs. I'd much rather they spent it having a great life tbh!!

bibbity I think I'm with you on this.

It's not treating the grandchildren as individual people in their own right. It's splitting the family really.

Now this is unfair:

1/2 of money to favoured child
1/6 to each of the other two children
1/6 to favoured grandchildren (two, from favoured child)
Remaining grandkids get £50 each

I wanted to throw that £50 in bitch aunts face.

People always get so funny on inheritance threads - apparently you're not ever allowed to speak about your inheritance ever on here

If they were giving the money to their DC, then it would make sense to split it 50:50, but if they're giving it directly to the grandchildren, then it strikes me as odd not to consider each grandchild as an individual.

We don't have grandchildren, but my DH wills state that if our DC die before us, our estate will be split 3 ways - 1 part to my sister, and 1 part each to DH's two sisters. I'm sure some people would argue that our will should be "equal" to each side of the family, but we see it as three individuals each getting an equal share.

It depends...

When DGM died she left house and savings to be split between the 2 sisters (mum and aunt), the sister were supposed to both give their kids (me and DB and cousin) whatever share they wanted, but nana stipulated an amount in all our cases, no idea if aunt stuck to that with cousin, cousin also has 3 DC too though so maybe there was more for the DGC from aunt... DGM also left money in trust for DGC (the 3 kids, all of us) but that was separate.

Compare and contrast to my feckless grandad (from nana's second marriage and father of my DM), who left no will, but then decided on his deathbed to write a will, solicitor called in haste etc who got It wrong... Evil aunt and (by marriage) uncle from grandad's youngest daughter ended up breaking into the rented house, stealing all the antiques (quite a lot of valuable ones) including a gold necklace that was very valuable...

If there is money specifically for GC it seems an odd way to do it.

If it is a natural progression from GP-P-GC then that's just the way it it.

If they left half to their son and half to their daughter would you complain? Because this is where the inequality is coming from. Do you think your dad deserves 4/5?

Whatever they choose is up to them. Are they still alive?

I know a relative has written their will in a similar way, basically half the estate to be divided amongst each of their two children's children. When the will was originally written, child A had 3 children,child B had one. Now they have 3 and 4 children respectively, so the "shares" have changed dramatically.

The person whose will it is is still with us and chose this way of writing it as they wanted to treat their children equally, and didn't want to change their will every time a new dgc came along.

Not how I'd do it, but I can see the logic.

The only time I've seen it done this way was essentially to avoid a second batch of inheritance tax. So the money going to the grandchildren was actually meant for the children, but so that there didn't end up with tax owed when the children passed the GP's and parents decided to give it direct to grandchildren, but split it as if it went to the parents (if that follows).

Some wills are truly unfair though - my friend's MIL is so male-centric it's unreal. Her will is split into four parts - one part to each of her two sons, one part to her only grandson and then one part to be split between her three granddaughters.

Wills do funny things to people. DH has just discovered that he has been written out of his great aunt's will but is still the executor for it. Why? What the heck is she thinking?*

Could she be under the mistaken belief that you can't be an executor and a beneficiary? I know several people who've thought that - my PIL had solicitors as executors for precisely this mistaken belief.

I think maybe the reason people get 'funny' on inheritance is because so many people have seen it tear families apart. Moreover, people moaning about what they didn't get is a big much given so many families have no assets to leave or carve up at all on the death of a relative, so it seems a bit petty for those fortunate enough to receive any sort of a bequest to quibble over the size of the slice.

Really, just plan your life as if you will never get anything from inheritance, and anything you do get will be a pleasant bonus rather than an opportunity for division and envy.

Money causes huge bitterness/resentment because of what people feel it represents - love/attention or the lack of it especially if there has been perceived favouritism between siblings. It's rarely as simple as being 'grabby.' It's hard in RL to 'let it go' especially when you feel the bonds of family duty, love & obligation even if it doesn't seem to be appreciated/reciprocated.

It's the "grabby" chant again, why? It always comes up and leaves my completely completely cold. Yes, it's their money but am I alone in thinking I would never bequeath a greater share to of my estate to one child (here grandchildren) without making it explicitly clear why. To find out there has been an unequal split and not be sure why this is must be incredibly hurtful - why would it not be? My GM left most of her estate to one of her children, there was a clear reason for that which everyone was aware off and there was no issue. The recipient had no DCs and left his estate to 2 out of 11 nieces and nephews, again everyone knew why, no upsets, no hurt feelings.

I've got a potentially messy estate which could lead to problems between my own children and also their relationship with their cousins. I'm mindful of the fact that many families are fractured by issues with wills so I'm making sure the issues are resolved by me and don't end up as a potential strain on my DCs relationships.

I think inheritances are thorny because it feels like a message from the deceased - one that can't be responded to or ever fully explained after their death. And if that message feels like 'you are less important' that can be upsetting.

In your case OP I would try to think of it as being split evenly between your GP's children. You had the benefit of growing up with 3 brothers/sisters which is of more value than any extra money.