To think I should keep an eye on this woman?

[Evilrhooo]

My DP is a good looking barman. I am used to customers flirting and have only ever got annoyed when they've gone too far (pushing me out of way to give him their number for instance) but it hasn't happened for a while. Wide awake my phone is flat, so I go on his tablet. Messenger is up and I see a conversation between him and a woman who I don't know. She seems to be driving the conversation, it's not about hot sex or anything but just unnecessary iyswim. She does also say they had a good time didn't they? This is probably referring to a night he worked so he was doing his job. I am now feeling really uncomfortable though. I think it's because he's not mentioned it, we have no friends in common on fb and she is not his friend which is odd in this tiny place and I now feel really insecure.
Aibu to feel like this and how would you feel? Thanks xx

I totally agree. No smoke without fire. And his defensiveness is quite telling really isnt it. My OH messaged a couple of girls on Facebook - nothing untoward on the messages but because they were young blondes, at least 10 years younger than me, and looking similar to me, I wasnt having it. He also wasnt really friends with them - they were friends of friends or it looked as though he had found a reason in which to contact them/be in contact with them. I gave him the choice - either stop what he is doing - never contact ever again - or he is welcome to let himself out of our home never to return - bearing in mind we do have 2 young children - but I simply wont tolerate a cheating lying scumbag for an other half and I certainly wont be made to look a fool long term. He hasnt done it since - my up front attitude of exactly what I will and wont put up with pretty much put an end to it and he knows that the next even inkling that anything is going on that he will lose everything.

Mmm yes it's a red flag op mainly the 3am contact.

They might b just flirting and enjoying the attention but that's a slippy path.

I don't know what else you can do apart from telling him how you feel and ask him what he would be doing/thinking if the boot was on the other foot.

See how he reacts in the next few days but don't make any rash decisions.

lola what a ridiculous comment.

Blimey I missed the 'looked stunning as usual' comment, not sure how. That is way over the line, I think for me it could be a deal breaker or certainly a huge shake up in my marriage, the trust would be gone for me there.

I simply wont tolerate a cheating lying scumbag for an other half and I certainly wont be made to look a fool long term.

Quite right, ThatsSoFetch. Can we have this as a heading banner on Relationships, please MNHQ?

Amen ☺