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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU it's a wedding one!

55 replies

AutopsyandTim · 23/01/2017 15:44

So here goes, it's a bit of a long one but I need to explain the background.....

Wedding invite received late last year for good friend of DH's getting married this autumn. Invite says no kids so adults "can dance the night away". Fine so far, their wedding their choice.

Wedding is on a Monday just before noon. Church 6 hour drive away so our plan was to drive to SIL's (4 hours away from us) on the Saturday and spend weekend with them. This was after SIL had very kindly offered to book Monday and Tuesday off work to look after our 2 year old. SIL's 8 year old will be at school as term time. We will have to leave about 8am to allow for traffic to get to the church in good time. Reception is then a further hours drive north so we've booked a room at the venue, would get up early and set off for the 3 hour drive back to SIL's for DD, stay another night at SIL's and go home the next day.

Since receiving invite I'm now pregnant and baby will be around 10 weeks old by the wedding. Even though my lovely SIL has said she'll happily have both DC's I know I won't be able to leave the baby that far away from me and overnight. When DD was 9 weeks old I left her for 3 hours for a wedding reception 20 minutes away with my mum and struggled being away from her. I will also be breastfeeding.

Again SIL (I know I'm lucky to have her) has suggested following us up in her car, amusing kids for afternoon as she knows the area well, back to our hotel room and going home after wedding breakfast, about 5pm, and I'll then come back to room so she can leave.

Still with me? AIBU in asking the bride and groom if we can bring new baby (leaving DD with SIL as originally planned). I like to think I'm a considerate parent and will say I'll take baby straight outside if started crying at church/during speeches etc. I could use sling so no bulky pram or car seat getting in anyones way and I'd go to our hotel room to feed, so no flopping boobs around everywhere!

So let me have it - what do you think?

OP posts:
HolaWeenie · 23/01/2017 17:48

What a lovely sister in law, and congrats for your pregnancy!

I had no kids at my wedding, but babes in arms were fine.

Ask the question, if it's a no, then politely decline. Perhaps your DH can go make an appearance on the families behalf.

SecondsLeft · 23/01/2017 17:58

Hard on your dd to be away from you so soon after the new arrival, especially as the baby will be going with you. I would decline, with apologies.

Allthewaves · 23/01/2017 18:01

Send dh with 2 year old and you stay at home with baby. Sil get some tiddler time, dh can go to wedding, you get lovely quiet couple days

apringle · 23/01/2017 18:05

Do not ask to bring the baby. They don't want children and made it very clear on the invite. My invite said the same but a friend of my husbands brought theirs DVD it screamed through the start of the ceremony and my first feeling while getting married was frustration and anger. Just don't go. Your husbands friend so let him go and have fun with his old mates!

apringle · 23/01/2017 18:06

*DVD=and

specialsubject · 23/01/2017 18:36

That's not a fun event, that's a boot camp.

Let them know you are dropping out due to expected new arrival.

ChipmunkSundays · 23/01/2017 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bettersleepoutdoors · 23/01/2017 19:32

We had a "no kids" wedding and would definitely have made an exception for a babe in arms.
But I suppose it depends ontheir reason for not inviting children.
YWNBU to ask, Imo.
Your SIL is great (my lovely SIL looked after 10mo DS for the afternoon when we attended a wedding reception-btw I fucking hated it and wished I hadn't gone)

Bettersleepoutdoors · 23/01/2017 19:33

What does your DH think?

FuckOffLazyClickBaitJournos · 23/01/2017 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

waterrat · 23/01/2017 19:59

I wouldn't go. Too much hassle.

It's normal to allow small babies at kid free weddings and under no circumstances would I leave my 10 wk old for a wedding particularly far from home.

happypoobum · 23/01/2017 20:01

Totally agree with PP - I just wouldn't go. Congratulations.

ENormaSnob · 23/01/2017 20:05

I wouldn't bother.

What an absolute arse ache.

Cherrysoup · 23/01/2017 20:06

Not even considering how the b&g will react to having a very young baby there, are you really going to sit all that time in a car and do the stressful run in, run out to feed etc? What if, God forbid, you have to have a c-section/stitches/take ages to heal? Such a bad move, I feel.

Original poster
AutopsyandTim · 23/01/2017 20:18

Thanks everyone, some good points raised including things I'd not thought of.

Had a chat with DH and we've decided not to ask, he will mention to his friend when he next speaks to him that we had childcare sorted for DD but as we will now have a tiny baby, I won't be able to leave he/she 3 hours away overnight so DH will be coming on his own.

If it was a weekend wedding I would've sent him up with DD for her to spend time with her aunty, but won't ask SIL to use 2 days of her precious annual leave on a Monday/Tuesday when I know she struggles to cover school holidays for her own DD as it is.

As others have said it is a complete faff and it almost feels like the bride doesn't want anyone to attend (groom has told DH he has no input but that's a whole other thread!) They have lots of friends scattered far and wide, most with young children, and whilst the bride has said on her wedding blog she's doing us parents a favour so we can have a night off, giving a years notice doesn't make it any less of a logistical nightmare for the majority of the guests. Of course that's merely my opinion and it's her day to plan exactly how she wants it. I'm more than happy to stay at home snuggling my baby whilst mainlining chocolate digestives Grin

Thank you mumsnetters for making me see sense. What was I thinking?!

OP posts:
kel12345 · 23/01/2017 20:20

That does sound a lot for a wedding. Why are the 2 venues so far apart?

Bettersleepoutdoors · 23/01/2017 20:23

Brilliant. Youre off the hook.

EweAreHere · 23/01/2017 20:37

I suspect there will be a lot of other working parents with young children also declining the 'invitation'.

Glad you've decided to give it a pass, OP. It sounds like the right decision.

Primaryteach87 · 23/01/2017 20:38

Good decision OP!

Note3 · 23/01/2017 20:44

Great decision...now you can pencil date in diary without a sense of dread! It's biscuit day!!

WeeM · 23/01/2017 20:46

Sounds like the easiest solution! And a wedding blog...Hmm

Christmasnoooooooooooo · 23/01/2017 20:50

Don't forget to talk to your SIL know . Good decision but don't forget you won't 100% certain your DH can come till the baby is born.

FuckOffLazyClickBaitJournos · 23/01/2017 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YippieKayakOtherBuckets · 23/01/2017 21:23

whilst the bride has said on her wedding blog she's doing us parents a favour so we can have a night off

I really, really hate this line. Have a child-free wedding by all means (I did) but fucking own it rather than maintaining that you're doing the parents a favour.

Besides, who wants a night off on a Monday?!

MidniteScribbler · 23/01/2017 21:27

Wedding blog? She IBU just for that alone.

Why do people have to create such ridiculous faff for their weddings and expect everyone to dance around them? Just elope FFS.