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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask someone not to walk down a footpath at night ?

483 replies

Nearlyoldenoughtowearpurple · 21/01/2017 23:50

We live in the country, at the end of a private lane. This is also a footpath.
For the last few months our dogs have been barking madly about 11o clock at night. We put it down to foxes but I find it really unnerving, especially if dh is away.
One night, just before Xmas, the barking was worse and it sounded like the dogs had got out. It was about 11.30. Dh went downstairs and opened the front door to see if he could see our dog but there was a guy standing on the doorstep. He said that he had come to apologise because he had been walking his dog in the lane and it had got through the fence into our sheep field and he thought it might have chased the sheep . ( sheep all fine in case worried).
He gave dh his card and said that he walks his dog at night as its not good with other dog. From his business card I think he is a bit of a techy up late at night gamer type anyway, who probably doesn't find it weird to be walking at that time.
Since then we have realised that it's his walking down the lane that upsets the dogs as they bark, shut up and then bark again in the amount of time it would take to go past the house to the end of the lane and then back again.
I have his email address, do you think it ok to send him a polite message, just explaining how much this freaks me out and ask him to not walk past the house after a certain time, pretty please ? There is a big field , with a footpath in it, just before the start of our drive so it's not like he couldn't walk anywhere, just not the ten minute walk up the lane past the house and back. Obviously I appreciate I can't stop him, just point out its a bit antisocial?
Am I being precious ? It just really scares me ( and dd)

OP posts:
Topseyt · 22/01/2017 11:15

If I received such an email from you then I would either ignore it or the response wouldn't be the one you would be looking for.

I would point out that as it was a public right of way I had every right to walk my dog there at any time. I would also point out that it was your dogs causing the problem by barking, not mine.

I would, however, agree to have my dog on the lead because of your sheep. I have two dogs and have never knowingly had them off lead close to farm animals (the law simply says close control by the way, doesn't specify on lead although that would be the safest approach in most cases).

ArgyMargy · 22/01/2017 11:16

OP has made the man sound a bit odd, as if he specifically walks up to her house to make the dogs bark, then turns round and goes home again. And the OP's dogs for some reason have no idea that this familiar dog, man and timing are not a threat. All very bizarre but ultimately YABU for all the previously stated reasons.

SirChenjin · 22/01/2017 11:18

Wow - this is a good 'un Grin.

OP - you've got a great, stonking brass neck by emailing him, but good luck to you if you do. As others have said, he's completely within his rights to walk there, and it's your dogs which are waking you up, not him. If I had a dog I can't imagine a scenario where I would ask people not to walk past my house - I know my dog owning neighbours don't, and just accept that their dogs barking are their responsibility.

However, he might be someone who dislikes any form of confrontation, irrespective of how it's worded, and you might hit lucky.

Nemosnemsis · 22/01/2017 11:19

Memo the OP has stated a couple of times now that there is a footpath in the alternate field.

He is on seriously dodgy ground walking his dog off lead near livestock.

As I said in my PP, the guy probably doesn't want to walk in fields at night, which is understandable - therein sprained ankles lie.

I don't know why you keep bringing up the livestock thing - the OP mentioned it to explain why he had knocked on the door and handed over the business card. It turned out to be a non-issue, and hasn't been mentioned again. Obviously if the OP's AIBU was 'some guy's dog keeps getting into my sheep field at night, should I tell him to stop walking there?' It would have been a resounding YANBU. But that's not what the OP asked is it?

Billben · 22/01/2017 11:20

Gosh, it would make my day receiving an email like you are about to send. I wouldn't even bother replying to it to be honest, just carry on walking my dog as usual. You are a precious little snowflake. The man has a good reason for walking his dog at night.

jacks11 · 22/01/2017 11:21

But OP you said in your post that you would "let him know he was being antisocial" in your email. I think if you said that to me, when I was was walking my dog on a public footpath which i have every right to be on and the real problem is that your dogs are barking, I wouldn't be terribly impressed.

Personally, I would not send the email. But if you feel you must, then I think you should make it a very polite request with no mention of him being anti-social.

If I got an email like that (and I too live very rurally), which was more of a polite "I know it's a favour" tone then I would probably consider it if there was another equally good and convenient route. If I received an email telling me I was being anti-social (however politely) when the problem clearly came from the other persons dogs, I'd completely ignore it.

YABU to say his coming to the door late at night after his dog got into the field was odd. Clearly, he was BU to allow his dog to get into the field with the sheep. However, he was being responsible to come and tell you about the incident. If he had left it until the next day (or not said anything at all) he would have been castigated as irresponsible not to give you the option to check on your sheep immediately following the incident to see if you need to take any action then and there. Unless he is regularly coming to your door late at night, which would be odd.

dowhatnow · 22/01/2017 11:22

He doesn't do it every night as he varies his walk. You want to limit his options. 5 minutes is quite a lot if it's a shortish walk.
Why would he want a muddy walk in a field all the time, when he can sometimes do a nice public footpath lane?

Original poster
Nearlyoldenoughtowearpurple · 22/01/2017 11:23

It would actually be perfectly legal for me to put up signs asking for all dogs to be put on a leash. It's my property and there are sheep in some fields .
I don't want to do that and spoil it for everyone because in 20 years it has never been an issue
His off leash dog is ferreting about in our hedge ( which is how it came through into my sheep field )
Were it on a leash problem would be solved
I feel this thread has exposed a real lack of consideration of others. I have always tried to be aware of others peoples feelings and quality of life and raised my children to be the same. Restaurant voices etc Smile
I drop my daughter off for school bus at 7.30 in the mornings . I park outside a cottage on a public road. However quiet we were with closing car doors, radio off etc their dogs would bark. First opportunity I had, I spoke to them and asked if it was a nuisance for them as if so I would make other arrangements . They said no, they were all up and not to worry.
Seems a lot of you don't give a flying feck for anyone else as long as its " your rights " makes me quite sad about the future Sad

OP posts:
Figure17a · 22/01/2017 11:28

Personally, I think he'd be far more reasonable to ask you to do something about the scary dogs that bark at him everytime he walks along a public footpath, but if putting the dog on a lead when walking on private property around livestock would solve it, then yes, you should ask him to do that.

MargotLovedTom1 · 22/01/2017 11:28

Nemo why would he be more likely to sprain his ankle on a footpath in a field as opposed to on a footpath outside OP's house?
I have mentioned the sheep a few times as I think it's a pertinent point. OP didn't make an issue about this, so the least the man could do is be accommodating about the OP's request.

BigBadWolves · 22/01/2017 11:28

You need to get out more Op Grin

WorraLiberty · 22/01/2017 11:29

OP, since you appear to live on the outskirts of Emmerdale, surely you can find out where this man lives?

From the sound of it, you have a choice of very few houses so it can't be that difficult.

In which case if you still believe you're right to ask him (and you clearly do), why not ask him to his face, rather than hiding behind an email?

MargotLovedTom1 · 22/01/2017 11:29

X post.

ArgyMargy · 22/01/2017 11:29

But it's your lack of consideration for others that makes you unreasonable here, OP. It's your dogs causing the "problem"!

SirChenjin · 22/01/2017 11:30

What do you mean "first opportunity"? On the basis that you have absolute consideration for other people, why did you not put a note through their doors the first time your actions caused their dogs to bark? Or simply take it upon yourself not to park outside their house again?

Or perhaps they felt they would have been idiotic to say 'yes, although your actions are absolutely fine and actually it's my dogs barking which is causing the issue, I want you to park elsewhere'?

PenelopeFlintstone · 22/01/2017 11:33

If you asked me nicely to stop just short of your house as it was giving you a fright and/or asking you up, I'd feel bad that had been happening and happily oblige. He probably will too. But face to face is better so he can clearly see you're asking not telling.

TheBogQueen · 22/01/2017 11:34

look all he is doing is walking his dog.
That's it.

He was obviously concerned when hs dog chased the sheep - he has a conscience.

He gave you a business card to let you know who he is -possibly to reassure you.

Emailing to ask him not to walk past your house is odd behaviour. You do not live in splendid isolation, you have to share the the footpath wth other people.

I live in the inner city in a lively area and am often woken st night by drunks shouting on the way home from pub etc it's just life.

BitOutOfPractice · 22/01/2017 11:37

No he doesn't hear anything as in very odd occasion I have seen him he wears earphones and doesn't even hear car behind him

Do your dogs bark at cars as well OP?

Nemosnemsis · 22/01/2017 11:38

why would he be more likely to sprain his ankle on a footpath in a field as opposed to on a footpath outside OP's house?
Have you never walked across a rural field before? They tend to be rutted and uneven, often rabbit holes or mole hills. Even with a torch it can be pretty dodgy on a dark night.

I have mentioned the sheep a few times as I think it's a pertinent point. OP didn't make an issue about this, so the least the man could do is be accommodating about the OP's request.
OP didn't make an issue out of it because it sounds like it wasn't an issue as it turned out. I'm not sure it's enough leverage for what she wants to happen. The only reasonable request after this would be that the dog went on a lead (but that might already be happening)

Tikky · 22/01/2017 11:43

I thought the OP mentioned the sheep incident to show the dog walker is reasonable and to explain why she has his details.

Rosieposy4 · 22/01/2017 11:46

Nice passive agressive response there OP, it makes me sad about the future that you are putting your rights above the this mans. He wants to oeacefully, some evenings only walk legally down a footpath, but your desires trump his perfectly acceptable behaviour. I think it is you who does not give a flying fuck about anyone else other than your own dogs deaire to bark all night at any disturbance, and disturb lots of other people. ( sound does travel well across the countryside at night).

Original poster
Nearlyoldenoughtowearpurple · 22/01/2017 11:46

Bitoutofpractice di t understand your point
It's my car , when I have come home late at night and he has been walking on my drive ( along which the path runs )
No my dogs do not bark at cars during the day. Unless they are deliveries coming to the house.
There are no other cars , it's a private road and dead end , there is no right of way for cars

OP posts:
Nemosnemsis · 22/01/2017 11:49

It would actually be perfectly legal for me to put up signs asking for all dogs to be put on a leash. It's my property and there are sheep in some fields
I don't want to do that and spoil it for everyone because in 20 years it has never been an issue
His off leash dog is ferreting about in our hedge ( which is how it came through into my sheep field )
Were it on a leash problem would be solved
This wasn't mentioned in the OP. If this is the case why do you need to prevent him from walking there full stop? You just need to get him to put his dog on a lead for a bit. I would start with the signs (presumably only required for the stretch by you house, so not a big deal to other walkers). If he then carried on ignoring the signs, I would email and politely remind him. Which feels a much more reasonable request than 'don't go there at all'.

As for the rest of your post, all I can say is, consideration and compromise work both ways. And you haven't shown much of either towards this walker thus far.

Original poster
Nearlyoldenoughtowearpurple · 22/01/2017 11:50

I'm not putting my rights above this mans
It would not inconvenience him in the slightest to just stop and turn around before the house ( it's at the end of a 3/4 mile drive from main road) that extra little bit is not making any significant difference to his walk.
If he doesn't want to do that then fine, I'm not going to tell him he can't
I just thought that if he knew it was an issue he might be kind enough to skip that last 100 yards

OP posts:
festivefucker · 22/01/2017 11:52

Hi , op a diagram would be helpful, to help us understand. It sounds to me like it's your footpath and not a public right of way ?

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