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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask someone not to walk down a footpath at night ?

483 replies

Nearlyoldenoughtowearpurple · 21/01/2017 23:50

We live in the country, at the end of a private lane. This is also a footpath.
For the last few months our dogs have been barking madly about 11o clock at night. We put it down to foxes but I find it really unnerving, especially if dh is away.
One night, just before Xmas, the barking was worse and it sounded like the dogs had got out. It was about 11.30. Dh went downstairs and opened the front door to see if he could see our dog but there was a guy standing on the doorstep. He said that he had come to apologise because he had been walking his dog in the lane and it had got through the fence into our sheep field and he thought it might have chased the sheep . ( sheep all fine in case worried).
He gave dh his card and said that he walks his dog at night as its not good with other dog. From his business card I think he is a bit of a techy up late at night gamer type anyway, who probably doesn't find it weird to be walking at that time.
Since then we have realised that it's his walking down the lane that upsets the dogs as they bark, shut up and then bark again in the amount of time it would take to go past the house to the end of the lane and then back again.
I have his email address, do you think it ok to send him a polite message, just explaining how much this freaks me out and ask him to not walk past the house after a certain time, pretty please ? There is a big field , with a footpath in it, just before the start of our drive so it's not like he couldn't walk anywhere, just not the ten minute walk up the lane past the house and back. Obviously I appreciate I can't stop him, just point out its a bit antisocial?
Am I being precious ? It just really scares me ( and dd)

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 22/01/2017 12:55

according to the majority of people on this thread as it's a public road I can pretty much play the bag pipes outside at any time of day or night, it's my rights after all

You're being really silly now op. Nobody has said that. What they have said is that you and anyone else is entitled to go about their perfectly reasonable and legitimate business outside other people's property. Reasonable legitimate business like dropping their kids at school or, erm, I dunno, let's think of another example...walking their dog!

LucklessMonster · 22/01/2017 12:57

YABVU and each of your updates makes you sound worse.

I hope he replies with "lol, good one" and increases his number of walks.

GizmoFrisby · 22/01/2017 12:59

I live in the middle of nowhere and I would be freaked out by this too. I'm not sure I would send an email though. My dog rarely barks but if our security light on he does. I don't know what to suggest. If it is your footpath then you have grounds but if it's a public one your stuck. However farmers where I live would not be happy with dogs off the lead near sheep. Is it your farm?

Original poster
Nearlyoldenoughtowearpurple · 22/01/2017 13:04

Sirchenjin that makes no sense
If something you are doing doesn't inconvenience anyone then why would you need to stop doing it
The dog barked
They were up
They didn't care
End of surely ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Nearlyoldenoughtowearpurple · 22/01/2017 13:05

Yes it's our farm and our sheep

OP posts:
DixieNormas · 22/01/2017 13:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 22/01/2017 13:11

I live in a similar place to you except there is no footpath up our private road. My dogs would react exactly as yours do if they heard someone outside which is exactly what I want them to do for security reasons. Obviously you can't stop this man if there is a public right of way but I do not see anything unreasonable about making a polite request.

Emmageddon · 22/01/2017 13:14

My house is bordered by a footpath leading to the beach. People walk up and down the path at all times of day and night, usually dog walking, or to watch the sunset. My dog used to bark like a thing possessed but he's got used to it now. He only barks at the postman these days and hopefully any burglars

Figure17a · 22/01/2017 13:35

HAHA, Op. Have you never said "oh no bother don't worry about it" just because it seemed the polite thing to do? Maybe you haven't but i think that's the response you'd get from most people, even if actually your drop off arrangements were a bit annoying (especially when they know it's their responsibility to deal with their own dog's barking)

Serialweightwatcher · 22/01/2017 13:40

Now that you've said he wears earphones so probably can't hear that it bothers your dogs, I would definitely just mention it because as he is also a dog owner, he will understand and probably wouldn't like it if the same happened to him when someone could just divert their route a little to be accommodating. He is obviously decent because he came to tell you about the sheep and was being polite - still think it may be better for your DH to wait until he passes to have a word though - maybe an email would be a bit too impersonal

SirChenjin · 22/01/2017 13:49

Agree Figure

It makes perfect sense OP - any considerate person would know that.

Nemosnemsis · 22/01/2017 13:53

Can't understand how inconveniencing everyone who walks here by asking dogs to be on a lead is a more acceptable solution than asking the one person who causes a problem to modify his behaviour in a massively insignificant way ( very politely if he doesn't mind if you do
Mind don't worry kind of way)
I'm surprised you don't already TBH, I do and everyone else I know does. Lots of potential hazards in the immediate farm/house curtilage - livestock, cats and other pets, small children, turning farm vehicles etc. And as a dog walker I wouldn't consider it an inconvenience at all to pop a lead on for a few minutes - in fact I would do it anyway without being asked. It's a safety concern for the dog as well as consideration for the homeowners.

As I said before, I'm in a particularly popular area for walking, so maybe we're just a bit more aware of these things.

SoupDragon · 22/01/2017 13:57

Seems a lot of you don't give a flying feck for anyone else as long as its " your rights " makes me quite sad about the future

Ah, a nice twist on the AIBU?/98.7623% YABU/No I'm Not! Script :o

SirChenjin · 22/01/2017 14:08

Personally I blame Brexit and Nicola Sturgeon.

PurpleDaisies · 22/01/2017 14:13

I'm not asking him to alter his route per se just slightly shorten it

How it "slightly shortening" different from "altering"?

honeyroar · 22/01/2017 14:39

I actually live in a very similar situation. We are in a pretty isolated, rural farm with a footpath going right past the house. Some nights we get people walking dogs with head torches, it sets our dogs off. I don't want to discourage the dogs from barking as they are our security warning system, but the head torches make me jump.

However I think you would be ridiculously unreasonable sending your email. He has a total right of way being there. He's explained that he comes there to keep away from where others walk as his dog is reactionary. It's not his fault you go to bed early or your dogs bark, just like it's not our head torch people's fault that our dogs bark. If you can't cope with living next to a footpath, frankly that's your problem.. He sounds a reasonable bloke, he was worried his dog got in with your sheep, he could have said nothing, he didn't, he left his details in case there was an issue. He probably would stop coming if you asked, but you would have been a misery in asking.

Sometimes when we live in the countryside, in isolated places, with no neighbours and peace, we forget how to live and let live, we get used to things our way and become a bit self centred. I see it in myself sometimes, I see it in my neighbouring farm neighbours, and I see it in you from what you write on this post!

RhiWrites · 22/01/2017 14:45

OP, why don't you train your dogs to understand this chap isn't a threat. Have him round, introduce him and his dogs. Do whatever dog owners to to distinguish between DANGER and "that's just Bill walking his dog".

If the dogs are trained to be guard dogs you must have had to teach them what's nothing to worry about. "Don't worry dog, that's the postman" and so on.

glitterazi · 22/01/2017 14:48

Grin Grin
This place is bonkers. As if you can tell people not to walk on the footpath outside your house in case it sets your dogs off barking!! Grin
If it's your own private road, then fair enough.
If it's a public right of way for the public to be able to walk down you are being so ridiculously unreasonable it's actually funny.
I have the footpath outside my front door. Should I put a sign outside saying "don't walk past my house after 11pm as it makes my dog bark?!
Surely that's you and your dog's problem, not any random passer bys!

IonaNE · 22/01/2017 14:55

YABU. If you're scared being alone with your dogs barking at night in a house out in the country, you should move to a town.

Original poster
Nearlyoldenoughtowearpurple · 22/01/2017 15:32

Iona you are so right, that's a great plan
I'll just sell up and move my family ( and sheep ) to the nearest town.
Why did I not think of that myself Confused

OP posts:
DesolateWaist · 22/01/2017 15:37

Rivers it has been fully established that the path is a public right of way for walkers.

Nothing of the sort. I've just been through the OPs posts and she has only said The footpath is our private road, that joins onto a grassed footpath into some fields, as far as I can see.

There is a whole world of difference between a footpath and a public right of way.

Equally, OP, there is a world of difference between playing the bagpipes in the street at 3am and walking your dog. according to the majority of people on this thread as it's a public road I can pretty much play the bag pipes outside at any time of day or night, it's my rights after all

dailyshite · 22/01/2017 15:51

Two things that I don't get.

OP says that the man can't hear a car behind him as he wears headphones, then later says there are no cars because it's a dead end.

OP says that she's disappointed in society (am paraphrasing because I can't be arsed going back and finding it again) because people are becoming selfish - OP comes across as more selfish than the man with the headphones and the dog.

I also don't understand the reason he gave you his card but I think I must just be hard of thinking.

honeyroar · 22/01/2017 15:59

This private drive is confusing people. I think that the footpath goes up the track to the farm (which is private to anyone who is not on foot) and the footpath continues up onto a grass field once it's passed the farm and buildings.

DesolateWaist · 22/01/2017 16:02

I think that the footpath goes up the track to the farm (which is private to anyone who is not on foot) and the footpath continues up onto a grass field once it's passed the farm and buildings.

I'm not confused, I simply want to establish if it is a public right of way or just a footpath. They are two different things.

Tikky · 22/01/2017 16:02

I dont understand why so many posters have to take such extreme viewpoints. The OP wouldn't have posted if she wasn't having some doubts about emailing the dog walker which is understandable however it's a far cry from the utter disgust some posters seem to have of her suggestion she politely asks him to alter his walk. It's not like she is going around kicking kittens.

There is a whole middle ground where the OP may be venturing into 'unreasonable' territory or may not be. I don't see the need to lay into her like some posters seem to feel the need to.