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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this was unnecessary sarcasm and nastiness from DH

75 replies

SaliDali · 21/01/2017 22:58

Been at work all day. DH been home all day. We have an 8 month old puppy.

When I got in I asked DH if he minded me going on computer for a bit to chill out after work (it's tucked away in dining room), he said that was fine and he'd look after dog. hf hour later I go to get myself a drink and go into living room to see if DH wants one. No sign of him. Instead, tv etc is off and dog is alone destroying Sky remote.

Not a big deal but curious as to where DH has gone (especially as TV etc has been turned off, which is unusual) so I go to bottom of stairs and shout up:

"DH"?

He replies "yeah?"

I say "what you doing sweets?"

He replies "sooorrrryyyy .... "
😐

I say "eh? Just wondered what you're doing (as in are you coming back down at some point) as dog was chewing up sky remote ... "

He replies "oh no .... sorrreeeereyyy"

😡😯

So sensing the sarcasm and will to start an argument I walk away and take dog with me into dining room.

AIBU here or was the sarcasm totally unnecessary?? He said he was looking after the dog yet he'd left him alone, turned off TV etc and buggered off ... I simply asked him what he was doing.

I'm sick to death of his attitude towards me. Snapping, sarcasm, shitty attitude.

Since I've felt like I can't be arsed with him now so I've come to bed. He knows he's fucked up as he's indirectly tried to creep by ordering my favourite takeaway but I'm sick to death of being spoken to like shit. I don't need this shit and I'm becoming less and less tolerant of it as time goes on.

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 22/01/2017 00:19

A bit off topic, but if your dog needs watching all day, does one of you or the other need to take every day off work?

nicenewdusters · 22/01/2017 00:25

Just had a read of your previous thread OP. I revise my advice. Let the dog chew all his stuff, then leave him. He sounds like a waste of space.

TeethDrama · 22/01/2017 00:36

Agree with Stella "Imho he didn't like you going on the computer (probably felt you should be doing something with him or for him) but couldn't really say that as he would look unreasonable so was just plain nasty instead".

I think this is spot on. He's being passive aggressive. You should call him out on this OP. You'll find he will angrily deny it and probably call you nuts or bats or other charming stuff but you'll find he won't do it again in a hurry.

Why is your DH at home, was it just a day off, does he work from home or is he out of work/studying?

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/01/2017 00:40

I smell a "If I am enough of an arsehole she will leave and it wont be my fault....."

Give him what he wants and what you need.

stella23 · 22/01/2017 00:41

No stella myself unfortunately. I don't have a partner, I am a sarky shit and don't feel the need to have a partner to inflict it on.
Thanks for your honesty!
Out of interest, may help in future dealings with stbxh, why the sarkyness, why can't you just say what it's is you are thinking with the woe is me/ passive aggressive style of communication.

Unicorndreamer · 22/01/2017 00:44

If this is your biggest marriage problem then my gosh I envy you

AnyFucker · 22/01/2017 00:48

It's not op's biggest marriage problem

TeethDrama · 22/01/2017 00:52

Quite obviously its not OP's biggest marriage problem!

Wonderflonium · 22/01/2017 00:52

I had one like this. He's a dickhead, you're right to have had enough, on with the next!

user1477282676 · 22/01/2017 00:55

One. You should not be asking if he "minds" if you go on the computer.

Two. Get your dog a crate and some training.

It sounds awful to be having to constantly watch the dog. How old is the dog?

And why ask permission for the computer?

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 22/01/2017 00:57

Take the puppy for lots of long walks then it won't be so destructive.

Leave the twat then he won't be able to wind you up so much about trivia.

Sweets101 · 22/01/2017 01:02

stella Because i find it very hard to tell people how i feel, especially at the point i should, i'm scared of their reaction, even if they themselves have given me no reason to be. And i spent such a long time doing it i became quite out of touch with my own emotions anyway, i think it became a habit. Woe is me is part true as i haven't been upfront about what has upset me and part attention craving. Also, it can be used as an excuse to indulge in behaviours that suit you but you know are unreasonable, unless you have a "good reason" to excuse them of course.
PA behaviour and sarkiness was my norm, it was how i expected relationships to be conducted so it was quite a shock when i realised how unhealthy and odd it is.
I've had counselling, i really didn't want to make the people i love feel like that, but i don't entirely trust myself and i can't afford to overstretch myself and not get it right for DC, so i won't have a new relationship i just try not to pass it on to them.

Sweets101 · 22/01/2017 01:03

Sorry that was long!

Kpo58 · 22/01/2017 01:09

OP LTB.

If your op wants to act like a child, he should move back in with his parents.
He obviously isn't mature enough for a relationship.

GinIsIn · 22/01/2017 01:10

I haven't read the other thread so don't feel in a position to comment on your DH, but at 8 months, the puppy really shouldn't need constant supervision - have you been going to training classes?

CheshireChat · 22/01/2017 01:25

I'm surprised at the number of people that are saying he may have needed a break from the dog. It's a dog not a baby! Whilst it may still need constant supervision it's not nearly as full on as a child. If anything the OP could've played on the computer with the dog in the room if he bothered telling her he wants a shower.

My opinion, the relationship has run its course, if being with someone is causing you more hassle than being single would, then that tells you it's time to end it.

midsummabreak · 22/01/2017 01:40

Your call End it, have a break or continue on. If that is the way he treats his Mum then he has little respect for his Mum, not having grown out of teenager mode. What is his Da like? Tell him you want an equal relationship and his antics are a turn off

Zafodbeeblbrox10 · 22/01/2017 02:49

Looking after the dog??

EmeraldScorn · 22/01/2017 03:56

Maybe he was pissed off that you opted to go on the computer instead of spending quality time with him when you arrived home?

Although to be honest my niece does what your partner did, that extended obviously sarcastic meaningless apology "sorrrrrrrrrry" when she is told off for something but she's 15 and that likely explains her attitude - It annoys me though, especially when she uses the tone with her granny (my mum).

From what you've said he sounds immature and probably not even worth the stress of an argument.

Catlady1976 · 22/01/2017 05:22

He needs a break from the dog. Funny how when a Sah needs a break from the children they are often told. Partner been at work all day. They need to wind down etc. Exactly what you did op. Yet poor little man needs a break from a puppy!

Laserbird16 · 22/01/2017 06:07

I'd be blunt and tell him that the incredible sulk act is passive aggressive and annoys you. He' said an adult so he should talk to you like an adult. Pull him up and tell him it makes you feel like he doesn't care about you / nagging mum etc.no one has time for that silliness

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/01/2017 06:20

Is your dog getting enough attention and exercise? It should be easy enough to leave him alone if he is. I had a very playful and cheeky lab. I used to walk him 3 times a day at this age (you have to be careful not to go too far because of growing bones) and play with him as well. Get yourself a good puppy training book.

Birdsgottafly · 22/01/2017 06:48

On your other thread you said that you'd tried to talk to him, but have you spelt out that you're not happy?

What prompted the Wedding? I've known people to get married, when things haven't been going well, because they've been together for years and it seems an easier option than splitting up.

its cards on the table time. You're too young to just carry on as you are.

ChasingAPinkBall · 22/01/2017 08:06

Some posters are being real dicks here.

I have a passive aggressive DH who talks to me like crap when he's tired (that's always the excuse anyway) so you have my sympathy.
Have you addressed this with him? I did with DH and told him that I would not be putting up with it anymore so if he carried on he could pack his bags and he's sorted it out.

neonrainbow · 22/01/2017 08:15

Some of the replies you've had here are deliberately obtuse. Your post was completely legible. Fuck knows why someone asked if you're drunk. op if you feel he's sarcastic and nasty to you you can leave him. He won't get better. He doesn't have to do something awful to justify you leaving. You can go just because you're not happy.

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