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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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WIBU to say that choirs full of people who can't sing (Rock Choir) are awful?

433 replies

PleasantPheasant · 21/01/2017 22:06

Honestly? I love singing, I think everyone should sing, and sing in groups - it's great. But why all the performances, crap choreography, shitty leaders who also can't sing and are presumably failed musicians. Why can't the ladies (and men) - very few of which can actually sing or understand rhythm, harmony, pitch... - just do it for fun and leave it at that? Why do they think they're amazing singers and their performances are great. From what I've seen they are largely outside, with shit backing music, crap acoustics making the whole thing even worse. AIBU?

OP posts:
Rooiboscz · 22/01/2017 12:32

Again, people presume this is a choir-bashing thread. It isn't. It's about people mistakenly thinking other people would choose to listen to their crappy singing.

As I said before, singing in a choir must be fantastic for many, many people. I can see why it would be offered on prescription.

It's about the need to show other people what you do and presume they'll think it's good. Embarrassing.

Yes, I could just go and smile and cheer (I have), but that's totally disingenuous. Friends have said the same and talk about making excuses not to go in future.

Sallystyle · 22/01/2017 12:32

Also, if you squirm at having to lie and plastering a fake smile on then that is your issue. We shouldn't stop performing in public for the people who do enjoy it because some people can't say no to family and feel squirmy.

EvilTwins · 22/01/2017 12:37

Again, people presume this is a choir-bashing thread. It isn't. It's about people mistakenly thinking other people would choose to listen to their crappy singing.

Don't go then. You're an adult and capable of making choices.

Sallystyle · 22/01/2017 12:38

It's about people mistakenly thinking other people would choose to listen to their crappy singing.

Yet so many people do choose to listen. So many people choose to stop and listen and sing along with us and have fun.

Not every RC sounds crappy either. We don't presume everyone will enjoy it or think we sound amazing. We just don't care. Come and enjoy it, walk off and don't listen. We don't care what you do but we certainly don't think we are the bee's knees.

ghostyslovesheets · 22/01/2017 12:41

U2 my mums choir is not always on top form but I get huge pleasure from their enthusiasm and enjoyment - it's joyous to watch people having fun

Sallystyle · 22/01/2017 12:45

There is a busker in my city centre who is quite famous for being really crap at what he does.

I would never be so up my own arse to say that he should stop what he is doing because some people (most people) don't enjoy it.

I am not so precious that I can't handle listening to something I don't really enjoy and i'm adult enough not to go to events I don't want to go to.

If you can't cope with listening to us, don't listen, but don't expect us to stop what we are doing to please your delicate little ears.

Sallystyle · 22/01/2017 12:46

Exactly ghost people love watching because it is fun and our enjoyment can be contagious.

I find it quite sad that other people can't just enjoy it for what it is or just let us get on with it without making out we should keep away in our little practice room so not to inconvenience them.

ghostyslovesheets · 22/01/2017 12:53

I think that's why this thread has upset me - my mum loves singing but never knew how her naturally deep voice fitted in - she spent years at church singing her heart out in a loud flat way that people would frown at and turn and look and it made her quiet self conscious

the choir has taught her how her voice fits in and how to use it so that it sounds beautiful - and to see me 70 year old mum up on stage singing her heart out full of happiness actually makes me well up - so quiet frankly the OP can stick to last night of the proms and professional choirs - give me occasionally off key joy every day

KurriKurri · 22/01/2017 13:11

Many of the community/rock or if you prefer 'amateur' choirs near me are formed for people who have had difficulties in their lives, ranging from DV, serious illness, bereavement, trauma. Many people join because their confidence has hit an all time low.
These fun group activities are a way of getting out, making friends, chatting with people who have shared experiences and starting to feel good about yourself again. There is a joy that comes from performing (whether you are any good or not) that can be enormously restorative in terms of mental health.

I think to say 'actually you are shit, why don;t you keep quiet, or enjoy yourselves where no-one else can hear you' is pretty unpleasant directed at people, some of whom will have had a lifetime of being told they are shit, not good enough, they should shut up and know their place.

No one has to listen to any choir, - I've never heard of anyone being forcibly shut in a room and forced to listen to an amateur choir. Personally I get pleasure out of seeing people enjoy themselves, whether their singing is perfect or not. Good on them.

I don;t sing in a rock choir (although I have sung in a charity choir where we raised money for more reclining chair in our local chemo unit so more patients could be treated at any one time - we weren't great singers but people seemed happy to listen and donate)
But I have friends who have been through trauma and have joined rock choirs and the change is amazing -they have come out of themselves made friends regained confidence and joy in life, in some cases the choir has literally been a life saver. A haven where no one judges you, no one tests you to see if you are 'good enough', you are accepted for yourself and you have a good time.

Just walk past in the street if you don't like listen to rock choirs.

SloanyAnne · 22/01/2017 13:26

I genuinely don't understand why grown adults can't say 'I'm glad you enjoy it but it's not my thing' when asked to buy a ticket. If the concert is for charity and you'd feel awkward not buying a ticket for that reason, why not just donate the cost of the ticket? If it's a charity you don't want to support, why not say that you donate to xyz charity/charities and leave it at that. I don't understand the angst tbh.

MrsHathaway · 22/01/2017 13:35

If I said "it's not my thing" it would sound weird because choral music very obviously is my thing.

Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 22/01/2017 13:40

I've been invited over the years to all kinds of events that aren't my thing, musicals (I like some not all), theatre, choirs, am-dram, children's shows, football/rugby matches, to see people complete marathons/running events, sponsored stuff. Usually I consider how much I like the person and try to go (so go to all school stuff even if not my thing) and if not I make an excuse 'we are away/busy/won't be going'. It's not that hard!

SloanyAnne · 22/01/2017 13:42

You could just say those

SloanyAnne · 22/01/2017 13:43

Oops
Choirs are not my thing Mrs H.

Bushymuffmum · 22/01/2017 14:28

I'm drawn to this as, yet again, two of my friends are in a choir and are pushing tickets on the rest of us. A group of us has been to two of their concerts out of a sense of duty, but cringed the whole way through. It was awful and very similar to those youtube videos posted earlier. I wish they'd keep their hobby to themselves.The music is tedious, predictable and just too clichéd, and the sound is appalling.

God, u really sound awful, your poor friends! (I really wish they could see this!)

Please answer the question rooiboscz - why do u go if you hate it so much? I suspect it's because you're an insecure person and it makes you feel very superior to go along in the guise of being 'a good friend' and then sit sneering and bitching throughout.
You thought it was absolute crap and then went and paid money to go to another one? Doesn't sound to me like your 'friends' are forcing it on you - more like you're a glutton for punishment!

So Who's at fault then?

BackforGood · 22/01/2017 15:00

You wouldn't pay to see a little local football team if you could go to a Premier League match for the same money.

Well, you would if someone you loved were playing.

According to the Rock Choir website, people pay £300 per year to be a member, which is nothing to do with charity
Wow - we pay £20 a term to be in our choir (which raises about £3000 a year for our charity)

StrangeLookingParasite · 22/01/2017 15:28

*So, in your world, if you're over a certain age singing, you're a cringey embarassment and Glee type singing should be left to the youngsters.
As older people are all HRT'd up and should be at home sipping cocoa and doing age appropriate things, presumably?! *

Gee, that really would be a terrible thing to say. Good thing she didn't say that, then.

Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 22/01/2017 15:37

You have to pay to see the ballet show my children were in. Two times, for several hours, yes it was a long afternoon. Did I love seeing my children on stage? Yes, and that's how I feel seeing my mum singing as well. Same for school fete where my dd was singing, ticketed events for my older dd's school choir (who are amazing even though anyone can join).

It's really normal to pay to enter amateur events like am-dram, theatre, if you really hate it and can't fake a smile even for your nearest and dearest, don't go!

I even cried at some lovely older children singing Christmas Carols at a shopping centre, they were all mid-late teens, I'd hate to think everyone is hating on them (or is it only when middle-aged women sing in public?)

Kr1stina · 22/01/2017 15:40

When my freinds invite me to an event which I don't want to go to, I say " no thanks " . It's not hard, try it with me

" no thanks "

See, that's wasn't hard, was it?

If it's a significant event for someone close to me I would go willingly and smile .

If it's for a charity I like, I would say " no thanks, but can I give you £10 to put in the collection ? " .

I wouldn't go on MN and sneer at them for daring to have a good time.

CancellyMcChequeface · 22/01/2017 15:51

This thread is making me want to join an amateur choir! It sounds like great fun and low pressure. I look at it like dancing - the worst dancer on the dancefloor is having a lot more fun than the sneery person sitting at the side and criticising them.

I agree that if you don't like the sound of a community/amateur choir, just decline any offers of attending their concerts. Saying no isn't difficult.

SeamstressfromTreacleMineRoad · 22/01/2017 16:03

I have several friends in choirs of this type. I go to see some of their performances (& thoroughly enjoy them) but I don't feel any pressure to attend every time they sing. The type of music that is performed wouldn't interest me - but it interests and enthuses THEM - and that's the point.
Your original post was beneath contempt OP, as you clearly look down on anyone interested in anything that YOU regard as 'common'. Your friends need a new friend... Hmm

StrangeLookingParasite · 22/01/2017 16:08

Thinking about this a bit more, the other problem I have is that musicians work really hard to develop their skills, spending years taking lessons, practicing, rehearsing, then someone who has no investment joins a choir fot a few weeks and wants the same kudos, the same appreciation as someone who's worked very hard for years.
Kind of makes it a waste to spend all the time and money learning music.

Doolallylally · 22/01/2017 16:10

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Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 22/01/2017 16:27

Strange what a strange attitude to have. I don't judge a local community choir in the same way I do a top one in the Royal Albert Hall, just as I don't judge the local performers in an am-dram production in the same way I do Judi Dench or whoever. I really think audiences are more sophisticated than that, and I also think most performers have a bit more awareness than you are making out, my mum would be mortified if she thought by going into a choir she was making some claim to musically trained brilliance (though she can read music, play instruments at a lower level). She has self-awareness!

cherrycokehead · 22/01/2017 16:36

StrangeLookingParasite you actually thought about it and then came up with that load of rubbish? Confused