WIBU to ask for your help with my project?!

[notsurehowtodothis]

Apologies, not a very interesting thread or a very good AIBU, but I could use some help....

I'm a SAHM but have just started a short part time study course. I have an assignment I need to write on management psychology, so basically, what are the worst 'corporate jargon' phrases you hear banded about at work (things like 'Let's take this offline,' or 'low-hanging fruit', 'let's push the envelope' etc.) and also, any irritating corporate reports/meetings you had to complete/attend that were actually a total waste of time for all. For example, in my last job, we had a daily 'huddle', which was a cringe and time-wasting 20 minutes talking about what we were 'pumped' for in regard to the day ahead. We also had to complete a weekly report which included a summary of 'why I'm proud of my colleagues this week'.

I'm asking for your help as I only have my personal experiences to go on, so any other insights (oh dear, corporate jargon bingo alert) would be massively helpful - thank you!

Dp ( also my boss) puts things on the Laterbase that he doesn't want to do

It's almost LTB worthy.

People talking about 'reaching out!' Ffs.

Someone from xxx has reached out.

Makes me queasy - massive wares of time projects for show that no one is going to do anything with or team building / off site days to brainstorm restructers that are basiscallh already a done deal that just waste time. I have to use AL to avoid them.

What's 'leaning in'? is that the opposite of 'reaching out'?

Yes to "Are you on the bus?"
Whenever a decision has been made that is going to screw us all, also "We are where we are". My manager says this all the time when she doesn't want to back down.

Also 'it is what it is'.

The only one not covered here which I dislike is 'granularity'.

Once had a boss tell me 'my balls are in the cupboard and I'm not afraid the use them' was very disconcerting for an 18 year old new starter. He was however spanish so maybe something got lost in traslation

Oh this reminds me of when we used to play Buzzword bingo on conference calls!
I once had a boss who used the phrase "net net" as in "the net net of all that is xyz" How I didn't kill him I'll never know.
"Out of the box thinking"
"It's a new paradigm"
Another bloody annoying one during meetings was "let's put that in the fridge for now" which meant let's put that on the flip chart but not discuss it yet.

🙄

OMG - I've just remembered "crispy benefits" !
We assumed he meant "tangible benefits"

I also remember one job where we had to fill in a record of what we spent out time doing - but of course we couldn't include the time it took to fill in the spreadsheet of how we spent our time

😂

Sparkling - "leaning in" was coined (or maybe just popularised?) by the Chief Operating Officer of Facebook, Sheryl Sandberg, in her book Lean In, which is about encouraging women to step up in the workplace and not hold back. Her TED talk was also about the same kind of thing and is thought provoking: watch here.

Bandwidth seems to have crept into the civil service. As in "I haven't got the bandwidth for that". Or: "I'm too busy".

Also: "we need more granularity". Or "this hasn't got enough granularity".

What does being on the bus mean? Is it a kind of veiled threat? I.e. Are you with us or aren't you?

I don't mind metrics - some things are metrics, aren't they?

Cascade to your teams

Action this

Happy day scenario

ARGH!

DH just sent me this ...

Sainsbos do a huddle. They announce it over the intercom.

Can you 'cascade' this information down! Just say 'tell people'!

My real pet hate is 'going forward' rather than 'next'

"Across the piece" - what bloody piece?

"Reach out" - just say contact, ffs.

'Consider the optics'
'What are the key KPIs?' (What do you think the K stands for?!)
'Onboarding customers'