WIBU to ask for your help with my project?!

[notsurehowtodothis]

Apologies, not a very interesting thread or a very good AIBU, but I could use some help....

I'm a SAHM but have just started a short part time study course. I have an assignment I need to write on management psychology, so basically, what are the worst 'corporate jargon' phrases you hear banded about at work (things like 'Let's take this offline,' or 'low-hanging fruit', 'let's push the envelope' etc.) and also, any irritating corporate reports/meetings you had to complete/attend that were actually a total waste of time for all. For example, in my last job, we had a daily 'huddle', which was a cringe and time-wasting 20 minutes talking about what we were 'pumped' for in regard to the day ahead. We also had to complete a weekly report which included a summary of 'why I'm proud of my colleagues this week'.

I'm asking for your help as I only have my personal experiences to go on, so any other insights (oh dear, corporate jargon bingo alert) would be massively helpful - thank you!

Explain the bloody why! Just train me to do my job well and trust me to do it, I'm not a child.

Our new manager emailed us to say he's happy to be the new lead of such a long standing, strong team who provide our patients with such a valuable service that he knows we do so well and his door is always open for us to bounce ideas off of him. I have resisted the urge thus far to bring in a spacehopper with 'Ideas' written on it and bounce it off him and all around his office, the smug bastard.

It's not a problem, it's a 'learning opportunity'
What were your learnings
Let's take this offline
Make sure you tell the brand story

We're all about coproduction and capacity building at the minute

Let us all be change agents

Let me just park this here...

My ex-boss used to love the word 'chrystalise' (pre-XX too), still have no idea what he meant.

DH actually had the phrase 'circle of trust' used on a management training course this week.

You've got to be on the bus.

Outside the box.

Leverage. They'll bloody leverage anything.

Reaching out.

Break down the silos.

I was once helping my boss prepare for a big terrifying meeting with the huge giant heads from Head Office. We were looking at a sales chart for one of our products and he said gloomily, "they won't be happy with that one...it's de-grown again."

So I said, "um, do you mean it's declined?" And he looked horrified and said, "de-grown. It's de-grown."

He was a lovely down-to-earth bloke normally as well.

We will indicate the severity of each issue with a RAG rating.

It means red amber green. A traffic light as a normal human might say.

For a bit of fun in a very boring meeting I once talked about the need to 'sell-evate' (sell more).

I used it a few times with an air of confidence and not one person told me that I was talking bollocks. Even worse, I then heard other people talking about sell-evation...

Yep
RAG status
Silos
Taking it offline

Can I add
Metrics
Granularity

for me it was "don't bring me problems, bring me solutions" once staff had been asked to implement something completely horrible. So (hypothetical example - it was never this) evict people from their homes and re-house them a gazillion miles away so we can knock down their block of flats and build something more profitable.

And it's been mentioned more than once but,

Apparently we are currently 'working in silo's' at the moment, bloody cringe everytime they say it.

When I first started working for a local authority, it was all "we're all working in "silos" and so we're going to bring it all back to being under one big umbrella". When I left 10 years later, they were bringing in a "it's all been one big corporate 'thing', but that doesn't understand local need, so we're going to bring back individual working areas. I got out, and still running away!

At my local infants' school where a friend is a teacher, one of the current buzz phrases is 'growth mindset', which even the children are encouraged to use about themselves, apparently!

Working in silos (as a bad thing, even as they dismantle our service and make us work on our own)
Bottom it out
T-con (this is genuinely just a phone call between two people)

And all of our meeting start with a quote of the day. My eyes start rolling wildly 10 seconds in.

"Blue sky thinking"

"thought showers" (ha!)

Has anyone ever played Bullshit Bingo at work?

We like to 'socialise' a document!

Also, everything has a 'space' - is so and so in X space?

Eurgh so many vomit-worthy phrases on one thread!!!

My personal favourite was -

DOUBLE-DIGIT SPAN OF EMPOWERMENT

I had to ask three senior managers before I found one that knew what it meant. Basically, you had to have ten people under you before you were on a higher grade to them.

This was about 15 years ago. Yep, they were early adopters of bullshit. And yes, we did play bullshit bingo in meetings.

YY to "socialising" a document

What does that mean? Introduce it to other documents and train it to play nicely and not wee on the carpet?

ooh you reminded me of a meeting when i first joined a team, the manager kept using the word synergy, as I didn't know what it meant whole sentences were lost on me.

on my notepad it said 'look up sinergey'

I work along side civil servants who are prone to this. I keep asking pardon until they speak English.

DH uses this in work:

Hahahahahah these are all brilliant!! I've never had so much fun doing homework...... thank you all!!

A friend who worked with a group of men, she used to mentally flinch when the boss whilst looking for innovative suggestions used the phrase: "let's throw open the kimono".
When she left the company the young guys gave her a leaving gift of a kimono style dressing gown 😳

A colleague of mine recently informed us that 'X has joined the team to bring energy and traction to the project'. No I am not a civil servant, nor in the corporate world. I work for a church.