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Original poster

WWYD? Know wife is cheating on husband, would you tell?

70 replies

dancedancedancedance · 21/01/2017 14:11

We live in a small town and everyone mentioned in this post are acquaintances of mine, I'm friends on Facebook with the husband in this instance who I'll call Mr White.

Mr & Mrs White have been married for a few years with a 5 year old daughter. Mrs White was married to someone else when she got together with Mr White - was a long term affair. This was big news in our town for a while after it happened. There were also several other men linked to her while she was married previously and she got a bit of a name for herself. What was true and what was malicious gossip I don't know.

Fast forward a few years and I get told Mrs White is now having an affair with one of the town's serial philanderers who I'll call Mr P. I've known Mr P a long time and had first hand experience of his sleazy ways after he tried very hard to get me to go home with him not long after I was married. He knows my husband very well. I've spent a lot of time in his company and know his god awful views on women and the way he treats them as he's not shy about "boasting" about his exploits.

I was out a few months ago and bumped into Mr P who gave me this sob story about how he'd broken up with the live of his life who he'd been having an affair with for over 2 years but she broke it off because she couldn't do that to her daughter i.e. split up the family.

However since then I've heard a couple of instances where people have mentioned that Mrs White and Mr P have been in each others company again Hmm Mr White is on Facebook often and talk about what he's up to with Mrs White etc etc. All very innocuous.

The problem is I like Mr White and think he's being taken for a mug!! She is not a nice person. However they got together by having an affair... Also he may already know, I have to say that New White and Mr P are NOT subtle about it. It's fucking embarrassing.

So. WWYD?? Keep schtum?? The messenger always gets shot...

OP posts:
JFT96 · 21/01/2017 14:57

Even though the popular opinion on this thread is mind your own business...

My bf cheated on me ten years ago and I was the last on the estate to know. So-called friends and neighbours knew everything and never said a word for over a year and I can't describe how I felt when I finally found out they knew all along

Yeh Mr "White" knew he was getting involved with a cheater but that's not the point

Am not saying you should speak to him but at the same time if he finds out later that you knew would it affect your acquaintance?

Dulcimena · 21/01/2017 14:58

I would hate to live in your town.

Mulberry72 · 21/01/2017 14:59

Keep out of it, these things never end well.

Nanna50 · 21/01/2017 15:00

Small town mentality, everyone thinks it's their business, your post is loaded with low opinion of Mrs White, and how her affair was big news in town. Mr P didn't tell you directly, you assumed, after all if shes done it before ... It's all gossip and neither are close friends so what's to tell? Is it because you want to get in there first? Perhaps every time you and Mr W have a good chat he's thinking of something everyone knows about you and you haven't got a clue...

PigletJohn · 21/01/2017 15:03

"When a woman marries her lover, she creates a vacancy"

GimmeeMoore · 21/01/2017 15:05

I would engage in salacious tittle tattle such as this.mind your own business

Olympiathequeen · 21/01/2017 15:06

Well, Mr White knew what type of woman he was marrying so he'll just have to live with the consequences. He'll find out soon enough so it'll probably be easier if you just keep out of it. I'd be more inclined to ask Mrs White if she was aware of all the gossip going round so that maybe she would end the affair. Doubt it though as she seems a risk taker.

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 21/01/2017 15:18

Some years ago, most of my community knew for certain that I was having an affair with my next door neighbour's son. Someone even told my husband about it, in detail.
Fortunately for me, my husband laughed and then told me. He knew very well it wasn't true and the neighbour's son had in fact made advances, been turned down and tried to force the issue. He was simply trying to get back at me by ruining my reputation. Since then I have neither listened to or spread that kind of gossip.

Original poster
dancedancedancedance · 21/01/2017 15:22

I have a low opinion of what she's doing and has done in the past because I knew her first husband and he was broken when she left. And I was around for the fall out of some of her other extra martial dalliances. I mainly feel sorry for her as I think she must have very low self esteem and can't be very happy overall if she has to keep looking for validation from other men. She's an intelligent woman but surely must have some psychological issues to keep taking such risks with other men? That's not my concern though.

I'm not some busy body. I've known these people for years and have a lot of respect for Mr White so when I saw him post on Facebook earlier about his wife it just made me think about it again.

I actually no longer live in the town and haven't got a few years (left that in my OP as it doesn't really make a difference) so don't see them as often anymore.

I just feel bad for him.

OP posts:
BillSykesDog · 21/01/2017 15:27

If Mr P is a serial shagger who puts it about then there are probably more than a few married women with daughters in his sexual history. Doesn't mean it's her.

This is a pretty horrible thread TBH. Basically a woman has done something sexually questionable in the past so the village has decided she's a slag and if seen in the company of a man must be fucking him.

Why don't you go the whole hog and brand her forehead with the letter A?

Original poster
dancedancedancedance · 21/01/2017 15:38

There is no question they were having a long term affair. Whether it's still going on or not I don't know.

It's nothing to do with her being a woman. If it was the other way around I'd be asking if the wife should know.

OP posts:
RockyBird · 21/01/2017 15:41

You need to find a hobby OP.

greeeen · 21/01/2017 15:56

Mr and mrs white were having an affair which left her husband devastated. You now have a lot of respect for mr white and seem to think he needs protecting, while mrs white is some kind of Scarlett woman? Given how they met he may already know or be cheating himself.

You sound like a small town gossip who who needs to get a life.

BillSykesDog · 21/01/2017 16:00

Yes there is a question. Mr P has told you he had a long term affair and because she has form and they've been seen together you've decided it must be her. Nasty OP. Really nasty.

SpikeGilesSandwich · 21/01/2017 18:46

Mind your own business and don't spread gossip.

Original poster
dancedancedancedance · 21/01/2017 18:55

I know deep down I shouldn't say anything but it just feels so wrong talking to him and knowing more than he does! When I'm out and see them playing happy families together it's just horrible that I know what she's doing behind all their backs. My dad did it to my mum for years including taking us kids out with the OW and it fucking killed my mum especially because "everyone" knew and was talking about it Sad

OP posts:
gamerchick · 21/01/2017 19:05

Meh he's reaping what he sowed.

Keep your beak out of other peoples sex lives, its nowt to do with you.

gamerchick · 21/01/2017 19:08

Then you definitely need to stay out of it, your personal feelings about your childhood wont go away and you won't feel any better if you get involved. It wont help.

Mari50 · 21/01/2017 19:09

This is nothing to do with you so keep your sticky beak out.
You're just shit stirring and the fact your trying to dress it up as a way to redress the injustice you feel was done to your mum was pathetic.

carabos · 21/01/2017 19:12

We have a friend who has been serially unfaithful to her husband throughout the 25 years we have known her. She has long been the talk of the town and there is no way that her husband doesn't know. He'd have to be deaf and blind. Keep out of it, you have no idea what the terms of her marriage are.

WatchingFromTheWings · 21/01/2017 19:18

If Mr.P likes to brag it'll get back to Mr.white eventually. I'd stay out of it.

Original poster
dancedancedancedance · 21/01/2017 19:59

I can assure you I'm not "just shit stirring" and dressing it up Hmm FFS

OP posts:
DJBaggySmalls · 21/01/2017 20:04

Mr P could be stirring it, to get revenge for you turning him down. Dont get involved.
If its not true, you will be causing trouble for no good reason. If it is then no one will thank you.

MumtoBelle · 21/01/2017 20:47

Best to keep out of it for peace of mind OP.

JAPAB · 22/01/2017 17:25

OP FWIW I would ignore people telling me that its none of my business, to keep my nose out, mind my own etc. It's human nature, if you know about a potentially harmful situation occurring for someone else, to want to 'do something'. And there is no rule I am aware of which says you are only allowed to care about something bad happening to someone and want to 'do something' if that person is your best friend.

If I had solid information I'd try to get it to the person, if not in person then anonymously, and then let them do what they will with it. But it would have to be something solid and concrete. As opposed to just repeating a rumour or hearsay heard on the grapevine.