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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In using the children's centre

57 replies

DollyKoo · 20/01/2017 19:15

Ours is under new management.

I have a baby, a preschooler and 6yr old. Previously we have attended groups in understanding 6 yr old reads/ plays on a tablet on a chair (he does no issue, he's home educated and sees it as part of a weekly balance. His sisters likewise do similar in some of his activities).

Today new staff were there, he was pointed at and approached. Informed it was 0-5 only. Explained he was home ed and he often sat out (as he was, sitting quietly). He ended up upset as it was all in front of him, that his sisters could no longer attend. I think it was also embarrassment at being focused on as an issue.

I also was upset, the CC previously was a good support for preschooler with sn. We find it hard to get out at times so it does limit us further. She likes the younger stuff and it requires no travel, also for baby it's good to get out.

He's still upset as he felt his sisters are missing out (obviously we've talked this through.

Aibu in allowing an older child to sit out in an adult area and take responsibility he does. It does not impact space not does he join in and thump around as a risk to the Little's ones. He's happy chilling with Roald Dahl right now, obviously I wouldn't expect him to actually join in or Ben provided for.

I feel a bit upset that I now can't manage social time that well for dd either, or the baby. We will get by, but I'm a bit sensitively I guess as so many places are out for sensory reasons etc.

Their view is 0-5 means not present, whereas the previous view was it meant not participating, i.e. As an adult. I guess akin to siblings watching assembly.

OP posts:
NotStoppedAllDay · 20/01/2017 19:48

If they allow you then they have to allow everyone don't they?

So kids off school sick
Other home ed kids
Half term
Inset days

The place will be full and the cc won't be able to say no

Original poster
DollyKoo · 20/01/2017 19:50

Strawberries we do, the issue is constant travel and balancing that for dd. Nothing is walking distance.

I'd understand the rules in the scenarios above. At ours:

-no one turned away
-not for a narrow age range
-no rough play
-no space issue
-not seen another exception asked for, I guess nearly all 5+ are in school? It's 0-5 so anyone else can go

OP posts:
Original poster
DollyKoo · 20/01/2017 19:51

Ohisay- I've also offered to facilitate groups. I'm a teacher, a eyfs senco, breastfeed. I could offer I think a fair bit.

OP posts:
Cuppaand2biscuits · 20/01/2017 19:53

It's a real shame this has happened. Due to all the cutbacks ours has recently changed its target focus on to 0-2. I can't imagine they would turn away and older home education sibling but you never know. I suppose they think if we let him in we have to let in all older siblings (which is unlikely to happen because they're at school)

Original poster
DollyKoo · 20/01/2017 20:01

Off sick-

Unlikely as sick?

Other home ed?

Possibly yes, but very very few particularly with siblings of the right age. I guess only allowed if followed same rules

Half term-

Different timetable, instead 0-11 are held daily in other venues

Inset-

Possibly, would be unlikely due to normally being added onto holiday/ siblings/ most kids preferring not to

OP posts:
ohisay · 20/01/2017 20:30

You sound perfect for our centre/forum!
We're Midlands, faced closure but dodged that bullet due to being an area in need!
We work every day to raise the profile of the centre, and support and reach local families.
I know without a doubt this would not happen in our centre (mostly because you'd probably be in one of my groups!)
I'm going to bring your situation up as topic of discussion next week and see what our families and centre staff think to it!

EB123 · 20/01/2017 20:34

YANBU

If he were running around trampling on the little ones then yes it would be an issue but if he is sat reading/on the tablet there shouldn't be an issue.

Original poster
DollyKoo · 20/01/2017 20:34

Thank you! (Just tell me the feedback...)

Nationally our area was in the top 10 of most deprived, I think there's been some improvement but it's not an area without need. Well possibly the CC has less need visiting due to gentrifying pockets...

OP posts:
stitchglitched · 20/01/2017 20:36

YANBU. I took 2 year old to a CC group this week and was chatting with the worker who said they now support children up to 8 yrs. She also said I was welcome to bring along DS (8 and also home ed) if I needed and he could just sit with his tablet or play with his sister. I wouldn't take him as he would struggle with the noise due to his ASD but it was nice that the offer was there.

Surprised by the comment from a poster saying they are 'biased' due to being a teacher. Biased about what exactly? There are many teachers and former teachers within the home ed community.

Original poster
DollyKoo · 20/01/2017 20:39

I wouldn't say personally I'm in huge need, bar a bit of social contact and SN friendliness (we have been kicked out of local private groups due to meltdowns, we're not nightmarish at all but it can go wrong and it's not what people pay for in tumbletots etc)

I do they know with 5 kids, teaching, the other side of an, feeding I could also offer a bit back whilst getting a chat for myself. I've been struggling, and a lot of new staff in their early 20s don't really have life experience to always relate. I also speak minority languages and have offered because that's expensive!

OP posts:
EB123 · 20/01/2017 20:40

Btw I also home ed my 6 year old, have a preschooler and baby :)

Original poster
DollyKoo · 20/01/2017 20:40

Stitch, who ISN'T a teacher or married to one in home ed is the real question....

OP posts:
Original poster
DollyKoo · 20/01/2017 20:41

Though most are more literate than my current posts...

OP posts:
MedwayMumoffour · 20/01/2017 20:49

My two local CC are very anti taking along over fives two. I have three kids with disabilities so childcare in half terms is hard and I wasn't alllowed to take my older boys with me to SEN group in half term.

Mind you the other CC is even worse. It's closer to my home by as I'm just out of catchment I'm not allowed to go in - ever! Classes run half empty but as I'm out of catchment I attract no funding so not welcome. It's run by a tyrant.

HelenaGWells · 20/01/2017 20:49

It is unfortunate but likely a ruling of the centre itself and the new manager. Although your son is not joining in he is a child and has to be counted as such for health and safety/insurance purposes. If the sessions often get full the centre would likely get grief if another parent with the correct age child got turned away because your child is taking up a space despite being too old for the session.

You also have the issue that once you let one older child in you get asked to do it more and more for a child off sick, an inset day, school holidays etc and it becomes totally unmanageable.

In my experience most children's centres and toddler groups in general have a rule about no children outside of the specified age range for that session. I've certainly never saw older children in the centre I went to when my kids were small.

honeylulu · 20/01/2017 20:51

Our children's centre does a mixture of sessions. Some are under 1, or 0-2 and some are 0-5 but older siblings allowed in the holidays. So the music class I allowed to bring my 9 year old to. he sat with his tablet but was actually encouraged to join in and given little jobs to do which he loved.
I asked if he could come to the under ones group (and just sit in the coffee on his tablet) but it was a firm no. The reasoning was that there were lots of non mobile or semi mobile babies on floor mats and older children hurrahing around were a danger. One well behaved nine year would be fine but one exception would open the floodgates to all siblings.
It's crappy if yours is well behaved and has nowhere else to be but unfortunately it's the way it is.

HelenaGWells · 20/01/2017 20:56

You also have to remember that you aren't asking for a one time exception to a rule either but a permanent one. It is a big ask tbh.

Original poster
DollyKoo · 20/01/2017 20:59

Medway- as I walked in all the other parents seemed to be arrived by car! Mine was the lone buggy in the pen, ours I think is a lot of mums who travel to many rather than locals.

I'd be surprised if sessions became full judging from what I saw. I appreciate centres vary, but ours does not look like it'd be an issue.

I think it's a shame my younger ines won't really experience playgroup, I saw it as a healthy place to go.

Insurance wise (as a teacher) insurance relates to age of unattended children and visitors. That's why a school can allow any age to observe a nativity show or assembly or have fetes etc.

OP posts:
clumsyduck · 20/01/2017 20:59

What a shame for all of you . Slightly different situation but we used to attend a pre school play group that ds loved and had being going to for about 18 months ( in the information on leaflet and website described as for pre school children ) then for whatever reason ( cut backs , limited spaces ?) it was changed to under 3s we were literally sat at the snack and story time when it was announced that the group was now for under 3s and anyone older wouldn't be allowed to attend anymore . Said That abruptly . Could have at least worded it a bit nicer ds and others were upset and us parents felt like idiots that we'd maybe Mis read the adverts and shouldnt have being attending .

Original poster
DollyKoo · 20/01/2017 21:01

Honey, as recently as December (under current management) ds was called from reading to lead actions at song time for little ones and model singing with staff in call and response. Today has been the first comment we've had despite going since the change, he's a tall 6 so you wouldn't mistake him for preschool

OP posts:
Original poster
DollyKoo · 20/01/2017 21:02

Clumsy duck-ouch :-(

OP posts:
FizzBombBathTime · 20/01/2017 21:03

This is why I haven't/Wong bother trying to go to things like this. Ds is 1 and ds2 is 3 weeks, there will always be a 'one of them can't come in' senario; it's not worth the hassle. Shame really.

AndNowItsSeven · 20/01/2017 21:03

How ridiculous, my homeschooled reception child attends two toddler groups with his younger siblings and is welcome to join in.

FizzBombBathTime · 20/01/2017 21:05

*wont

clumsyduck · 20/01/2017 21:07

dolly I know :( it was as much how they said it that was upsetting same as with them saying it Infront of your ds . Horrible for dc to get used to and enjoy going somewhere and it end abruptly . I hope you find something you can all go to and enjoy Smile