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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think class teachers don't need to know...

77 replies

LemonDrizzleDisco · 20/01/2017 17:55

Name changed but frequent poster.

Aibu to think that only pastoral team at school need to know personal details about a child going through tough times and class teachers should only be told that the student is going through a difficult time and XYZ might make them emotional.

OP posts:
MomOfTwins2 · 20/01/2017 18:45

In my case the class teacher needs to know everything. My daughter has mild autism and things affect her in different ways. The teacher, who works with her every day, needs to know the details of any personal stuff, so she can know why DD is acting up/feeling down/being hyper etc, and deal with it in an appropriate way. My girls are primary, but even in high school, my daughter will still be autistic, and the same rules would still apply.

IamHappy1976 · 20/01/2017 18:45

Oh, good lord NO! That type of absence from lesson is not mentioned, or if the kids bring it up, they are quickly redirected back on task (what I do).

Original poster
LemonDrizzleDisco · 20/01/2017 18:51

I think the lesson should of carried on like normal ,it was never mentioned in any other lessons apart from science .

OP posts:
Original poster
LemonDrizzleDisco · 20/01/2017 19:10

If it was a parent dying or something that could get around I would understand but it wasn't that .

OP posts:
Thinnestofthinice · 20/01/2017 20:41

Yes of course they should. They are professionals, do you really think they have the time or want to sit around gossiping about what they are told? The kids are under their care for many hours a week, they need to know any issues.

amispartacus · 20/01/2017 20:46

Useful for teachers to know if something is going on - just in case they see something happening / unusual behaviour - as well as being supportive. Level of detail very much depends on relationship with pupil - such as form tutor.

Issues should not be shared with children - but there are children who will probably know already.

Original poster
LemonDrizzleDisco · 20/01/2017 21:31

But how much should they know thinnest ? Surely the pastoral staff/teachers dd feels she can talk to should know details and the other teachers just be made aware that dd is going through a difficult time and X,Y&Z can trigger her.

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 20/01/2017 21:39

There's two separate issues here:

  1. How much you want teachers to know (why do you not want them to know the details?).

  2. The science teacher tried to make things easier for your DD (it doesn't sound malicious) but this was inappropriate and has made your DD feel uncomfortable.

TeaCakeLiterature · 20/01/2017 21:42

As someone else said, as a secondary school teacher it does help to know at least a rough idea so you know how to support and any issues to avoid that may be brought up in class
Eg death in family and may be covering a death in fiction or non fiction text in English etc etc

However - that's totally inappropriate to announce to other pupils and I would complain if I was you

HarryPottersMagicWand · 20/01/2017 21:46

"Am I also being unreasonable to think it shouldn't be announced to the class that the student won't be attending the lesson because they're having a bad time and to treat them extra special in the next lesson"

Wow, YANBU!

I had a few tough times while at secondary school, some of my teachers ended up knowing due to my breakdowns or time off. Eventually I didn't do any RE in year 11 because I had counselling at school during these lessons. I'd have been furious if I knew my teachers had said something like this, highlighting my issues. As it was, many knew as my breakdowns were spectacularly public unfortunately, but it isn't on for a teacher to single your DD out like this.

rainingcats · 20/01/2017 21:50

I dont think teacher should have made an annoucement but it sounds like it was done out of kindness rather then trying to cause trouble. But i agree that teachers and other relevant staff need to know information - in the past I have moved units of work around eg ) life after death (i teach re) to support students

MuseumGardens · 20/01/2017 21:55

I would have thought as they didn't mention the reason that they were just being kind and trying to help, but i can see I'm probably barking up the wrong tree based on other responses. I would have thought if it made the class deal with your dd more kindly and sensitively it would be good though.

Original poster
LemonDrizzleDisco · 20/01/2017 22:04

Thank you all. I don't really want to complain because I don't think she meant any harm to tell the class but I don't think the class should've been told.

I understand why they would need to know incase any lessons bring up anything that would make dd upset but I think the subject teachers should only be told what kind of things would trigger dd and not the reason why.

OP posts:
TheSmurfsAreHere · 20/01/2017 22:07

I doubt any teacher is interested by the small uninteresting stuff that can go under 'having a hard time'.
If it is something big (because these can go under the 'having a hard time too') then I think it's only fair for the teacher to know so they can tailor their answer to your dd reactions. They can only do so to the best of their knowledge!
I would suspect that all other teachers also knew btw but somehow it doesn't seem to have affected them or their relation to your dd?

The telling the children is Confused. I mean the other children would clearly have noticed she wasn't there. There was no need to tell them unless the pastoral care had thought it was a good idea (I assume they would have run that by you?).

From where I stand, it does look more of an issue with said teacher rather than with the system of telling teachers about issues with some children.
Is it also that your dd feels unconfortable that her teacher knows whatever the hard time was?

WyfOfBathe · 20/01/2017 22:10

I think that it's helpful for class teachers to know. I teach French, which may not seem like a "tricky" subject for things like this, but once you get to a-level, topics covered include poverty, war, crime, drugs, and abortion. So it's helpful to know if a student has a parent in the armed forces, or has relatives in jail, etc.

It's also helpful to know generally, outside of topic areas covered, whether for example giving a student a detention for lack of homework would be productive, or whether it wouldn't make a difference because the student's already struggling with MH issues, or spends all their time out of school caring for a parent.

Tldr: YABU, teachers need to know. But other students don't need to know.

cherrycrumblecustard · 20/01/2017 22:11

I think they should know. But definitely not share with anyone else. And I think some teachers and TAs need reminding about gossip. But yes they should know.

Original poster
LemonDrizzleDisco · 20/01/2017 22:18

It is something 'big' so maybe I was just overthinking it and the that all her teachers need to know.

Dd is uncomfortable with the science teacher now because the class know and because she spoke to dd privately when she went back to school to try and help (which is nice of her ) but dd wasn't expecting all the teachers to know because no other members of staff mentioned it and she didn't want to talk to her science teacher about it.

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 20/01/2017 22:19

Teachers should be told kids are having a tough time, there is no need for details. Rather than say: 'Let's all be extra nice to Daisy, she's having a bad time', we should be saying 'Let's treat everyone nicely all the time'. Simple reminders are useful, that should be the school mantra anyway.

Finola1step · 20/01/2017 22:26

Sounds like the science teacher is just trying to be kind and supportive but going about it a bit clumsily.

I've known a fair few teachers, especially in primary, who go a bit overboard with the supportive adult role. That said, I would much, much prefer this to having a school full of teachers who just don't give two shits about the children in their care.

Lemon12345 · 20/01/2017 22:49

I suppose it's made some things more difficult for your DD. Not only is she aware that her science teacher is in the know but that also means that it's quite likely all her other teachers know too... It was sort of nice that her science teacher tried to be a friendly adult she could talk to but it would make me think (I was miserable as a child most of the time) the other teachers don't give a fuck, but all know and might all be discussing it. Or that what I'm dealing with doesn't really matter.

Then the kids knowing too... gossip travels far in high schools and often mutate into something else. Poor kid.

But as someone who has worked in schools it's a complete PITA to have a child you are trying to teach as typical when they have shit loads of other stuff going on. Especially when you put your foot in it and the child runs from the room crying because you spoke about how so many people fought and lost their lives in the war and their grandad (who willed his medals to the kid) has passed away, for example.

I don't think all teachers need to know the gory details, heck most teachers I know really don't want to know them. But I think as part of teaching and supporting they do need to know quite a bit, and once you have covered all possible triggers you pretty much have the story anyway.

Andro · 20/01/2017 23:41

DS's teachers needed to know a fair bit, none of them wanted to try and manage a PTSD episode and he had several major triggers. His triggers made the 'what caused it' obvious.

Class being told? Not good, especially without your DD agreeing.

Phineyj · 21/01/2017 07:19

Put it this way - if I'd been told (even in oblique terms) that a year 7 had recently lost her DF to suicide then I could have avoided the historical investigation that dealt with Stone Age ritual suicide - lots of other suitable activities we could have done and I'd have avoided upsetting a little girl in her first week. School pastoral staff do need to know what is IN the schemes of work for e.g. RE, History, Eng Lit - languages as well apparently. I also agree with the point above about it being difficult to manage absence and lack of homework if one has no idea what's going on at home.

BigBadgers · 21/01/2017 07:26

I had a similar thing happen to me at school lemon , so I understand how your DD feels. It is upsetting to have something personal like that told to the whole class. Even though the teacher didn't say details I felt like the entire class was now speculating about what the issue was and coming up with all sorts.

For me I didn't mind that the teacher knew as I think it was helpful for them to know a bit of what had happened, but I felt it wasn't right that this one teacher announced it to anyone else. I wish I had complained about that to be honest and said that it upset me that he had said something to the class even though I think he meant well.

Phineyj · 21/01/2017 07:31

I meant to say YABU to keep class teachers in the dark but YANBU about publicising info to other pupils - not necessary apart from in some very specific cases. It would be helpful for schools to have a 'sensitive information' policy I guess?

Sirzy · 21/01/2017 07:33

If it's something big enough that it has warranted time of school then I would think in most cases yes teacher should know. They are the ones who sees the child day to day so they need to be able to provide support.

The other pupils shouldn't be told though, although that could simply be a case of a child asking where she is and the teacher answering on the spot.