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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DP to do one "night shift" with baby

53 replies

iloveberries · 20/01/2017 05:23

I'm breaking. Baby is 4 months but doesn't sleep more than 2 hrs at a time. Breastfed but will have a bottle. I've done everything since he was born (I thought things would be much more "shared" and we had also discussed this). I am in desperate need of sleep.

I just asked DP if he could do a night tonight and I could stay at a friend's and he's huffed at me and rolled over. I want to cry.
AIBU to bring this up again in the morning and to want him to do ONE NIGHT in 4 months??

OP posts:
Beebeeeight · 20/01/2017 07:32

Leave him with the baby and go and sleeping the couch.

Original poster
iloveberries · 20/01/2017 07:32

Just woke as he got up with our elder one this morning so I could lie in...

I fear I was tired and emotional when I wrote before as I just asked him again and he said "of course" really nicely....

He has said before to me to go to bed early but cause we never see eachother with him working away I like seeing him. Also because of the breastfeeding baby has only started taking bottle in the last week so it hasn't been practical for him to help much till now...

Sleep coming my way!!!!!!!

OP posts:
KellyBoo800 · 20/01/2017 07:35

Glad it's sorted! Hopefully now that he is able to help more he will do so and you will feel a lot better for it Smile

ZZZZ1111 · 20/01/2017 07:36

Wonderful! Enjoy your sleep Smile

Helloitsme87 · 20/01/2017 07:37

Always nice to read a happy outcome. Enjoy the rest OP!

Thattimeofyearagain · 20/01/2017 07:45

Have a wonderful sleep tonight op Flowers

FurryLittleTwerp · 20/01/2017 07:45

Oh I'm pleased it's sorted Smile

SallyGinnamon · 20/01/2017 07:45

I was going to ask if you slept during the day but I see you have an older DC.

I'll undoubtedly get slated but we used to have afternoons in bed with DS watching a Disney DVD while I dozed next to him and while DD slept in her cot. Yes the house wasn't tidy but it was survival!

Prompto · 20/01/2017 08:04

I agree with the PP who said that the middle of the night isn't the ideal time to discuss it. I've said things to DH before in the middle of the night and felt like he's ignored me because he's done the huff noise and rolled over, I've spent the rest of the night seething and then in the morning it turns out he has no recollection of me even speaking to him because he was half asleep. Competitive tiredness has been the cause of many arguments over the years, especially when we've had a young baby to contend with Grin

LivingOnTheDancefloor · 20/01/2017 10:52

Better to define which night will be his to cover or you will need to "ask" for it every week.

We have a very strict "schedule" which seemed fair to us and at least you know in advance when you get some rest:

  • Each of us does one night in the weekend but you also gets a lie in in the morning, so for ex I do the Friday night and lies in Sat morning.
  • I do 4 of the week nights, he does one
  • He wakes up 30min before me on weekdays to give the DC breakfast while i get ready
Original poster
iloveberries · 20/01/2017 20:46

Ffs it turned out to be too hard for him for me to leave so I was supposed to have the evening off. Just fed wide awake baby and asked him to take baby downstairs so I can sleep. He's saying the right things but acting like he's the saint of the fucking century and making it known it's an inconvenience to him

OP posts:
gamerchick · 20/01/2017 20:53

Let him bitch, you need the sleep.

beargrass · 20/01/2017 21:00

YANBU. DH did the 10 and also 6am feeds in the week and went to work when the sleep deprivation broke me (I did the 2am until we dropped it). We also did - and still do - a swap on weekend breaks from what was 6am and is now 7am. She's his baby too!

FourKidsNotCrazyYet · 20/01/2017 21:06

My husband works abroad and still did night shifts even after being away for weeks at a time and wanting to sleep himself. YANBU your DP is!

Babyhiccups · 20/01/2017 21:39

Keep going OP, you won't get the chance to do this again if you keep letting it go. This is your opportunity to level things out and make it fair. Your sleep and mental health is just as important as his so please don't just make things easy for him/yourself now because it will only get harder with two.

TheSkyAtNight · 20/01/2017 21:40

I still do all night shifts (dd refuses a bottle) and work 3 days a week - point is working is no excuse for not looking after your baby!

TheSkyAtNight · 20/01/2017 21:41

I mean, YANBU. He should definitely be helping where he can.

Original poster
iloveberries · 20/01/2017 23:49

I'm so disappointed.hes done this.
He's just brought baby up screaming because "it's impossible to settle him without a breast".... erm no it isn't.
Now I'm with baby while he gets ready for sleep as he's "exhausted"
OH FUCK OFF

OP posts:
DrLockhart · 20/01/2017 23:59

Feed the baby and hand him back to DH for winding and change and say you are going to bed and under no circumstances should you be disturbed. Sleep OP, do not let him make it all about him

puglife15 · 21/01/2017 00:30

To be fair it can be a lot easier to settle some babies with boob then anything else if that's what they're used to. I've been called back home on my one night out of last year as baby was still crying after an hour despite DH's best efforts.

I feel for you though. Our ds2 still wakes every 2 hours if not more and is nearly a year old. Also won't take a bottle! DH does as much as he can. We are both permanently knackered.

Raaaaaah · 21/01/2017 00:50

It is utterly rubbish. DC3 is nearly one and a rubbish sleeper and I am knackered. Our relationship is fraught to say the least but that is because I am shattered. DD is also boobfed and I do pretty much all night wakings. DP gets up with her at 5:30 though on the weekends which gives me a couple of hours. I would just caution you not to be too rash. Honestly the first couple of years can be tough on a relationship and it's easy for resentments to develop. We have come out the other side with our older kids but we had to weather the storm first. DP is shite with babies but gets much better at about 18 months+.

BillSykesDog · 21/01/2017 01:49

Would it maybe be a better idea to build up to a full night? If you've been EBF until this week it's completely possible that he is right and DD is getting very unsettled that you and your boobs have disappeared in favour of Daddy and a bottle. Has he given her a bottle or have you? She might struggle more to take it from him.

I would suggest starting her off in shorter periods with her Dad building up to a full night if she won't settle. Not for his sake, but for DDs if it's unsettling her.

SanitysSake · 21/01/2017 02:05

Crikey, I've got all this coming. It scares me as the DP is a terrible grouch if he doesn't get a minimum of 7 hours. In fact he can be down right nasty. Think I better sort out the divvying of feeds before bubba arrives...

abigwideworld · 21/01/2017 02:07

YANBU. My baby is almost 3 months, also ebf. He's just started taking a bottle this week so I've been expressing regularly for DH to give him a bottle but he keeps finding excuses to avoid a night shift. It's so frustrating! I've yet to manage more than an hour away from baby so far, unless my mum or sister take him.

puglife15 · 26/01/2017 14:55

Sanity lots of us are terrible grouches on less than 7 hours sleep, but we take a deep breath and do our best even if we are really fucking fed up and exhausted. Your DH will need to learn to do the same if you get a shit sleeper.