Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

So jealous of my friends with newborns

52 replies

DoubleCarrick · 19/01/2017 13:52

AIBU to ask for your support?

Baby is now 13 days old and we've been home from hospital for a grand total of 2 days. They don't have a clue what is wrong with him apart from his oxygen levels being low.

I have a few friends who have also had babies within the last few weeks and they are out and about while I'm stuck in this place.

I just want my baby to be well and enjoy family time. Currently me and dh are doing back to back shifts - I'm on days, he's on nights. I miss him, I miss life. I'm just so sad and worried. My newborn won't be a newborn for much longer.

Massive pity party, sorry

OP posts:

Tatlerer · 20/01/2017 22:15

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through OP. Wishing you all the love and luck in the world.

Original poster

DoubleCarrick · 21/01/2017 13:55

Thankyou all for your best wishes. I'm seeing dh for about an hour each evening when we do "shift change" and I miss him like crazy. I feel cheated out of our family bonding time but thankfully where dh is self employed he can stay home as long as we need.

We had an eventful day yesterday as we were transported by ambulance to see the cardiologist in another hospital but they were then refusing to send us back for no reason whatsoever. So we rang the doctor at our hospital who gave them a bollocking!

They reduced his oxygen by a smidge this morning and it seems as though he's doing ok.

I'm just shattered today with the stress of yesterday. I also stayed until 3am so dh could get some sleep after being up for 48hours. Hourly observations don't really help you to sleep enough to look after a newborn!

OP posts:

mistermagpie · 21/01/2017 14:00

God what an absolutely terrible time for you, you must be sick with worry and hardly getting any time with your DH when it's so important for you both to feel supported. You have my absolute sympathy.

I don't have any advice at all I'm afraid, but I'm thinking of you all

Alicekeach · 21/01/2017 14:05

My newborns spent 11 weeks in hospital. It is hard, and I can imagine that not knowing what is "wrong" with your baby makes it harder still. It took a long time to wean my daughter off oxygen but she got there eventually and I'm sure your little one will too.

I agree with the PP who said that talking to other parents on the unit helps. Having a child in hospital is so different to going home for the usual round of Nct coffee mornings etc and other parents in the hospital will understand what you're going through in a way that other new mums won't. Our hospital's neonatal unit had a Facebook page where you could chat to other parents, which was helpful. The charity Bliss was also a good source of information and advice for us, so you might want to look them up too. Big hugs.

SantasBigHelper · 21/01/2017 14:11

Oh OP. So sorry to hear you are going through all of this. It's mega tough caring for a tiny baby in hospital. I hope they work out what's going on, and he's all fixed up and you can escape soon.

I know it's not easy, but try not to focus on the 'bonding' family time you imagine you're missing. It's easy to romaticise what the early days will be like when you imagine having a baby - all dreamy moments and lullaby music, but it's usually a thrash of stress and, sleep deprivation. As soon as you're out you'll be able to pick up from there, and everything will seem infinitely easier as new parents with the hospital baptism of fire under your belt.

mum2Bomg · 21/01/2017 16:57

What SantasBigHelper said - it's not all big fluffy cuddles when you get to go home. DH had poo on his finger and didn't realise and I hadn't put a bra on yet by this point - hopefully that helps x

deeedeee · 21/01/2017 17:39

Much love and empathy to you. My daughter got meningitis at 7 days old, when we'd only been home for a day from the maternity hospital as I had a haemorrhage and transfusion after her birth. We were in the children's hospital for another week. Such a hard time emotionally. So grateful that the medicine made her better, but so angry at the lack of compassion and inability to respond to the needs of an exhausted post blood transfusion breast feeding new mum. They actually used to come into our room when we were fast asleep in bed together and take her out my arms and put her in the cot. Not because she was medically at risk being with her mother but because protocol meant that she had to be in the cot. It was hell. Being woken every hour, regardless. Not being fed as they have a policy of only feeding the patients ( ie the children, not their parents) having no privacy as it is policy that they have to see all patients at all times ( despite breastfeeding, and being postnatal with all that entails. It felt like they would of preferred me to go home , so they could bottle feed her to schedule. In fact when I complained that was the only option they gave me. Go home! And leave my newborn??? Ffs.

Phalarope · 21/01/2017 18:41

Even though you're having an awful time, and its deeply unfair and a million miles from what you hoped, this is still your family bonding time. This is still your family, and look how hard you're all pulling together. You couldn't be doing better.

Is there anyone who could do a stint for a few hours at the hospital with DS overnight one night, so you and DH can both get a bit of rest and then spend time with DS all together in the day?

TiredMumToTwo · 21/01/2017 18:55

I really feel for you, it's horrible when you end up in a situation that you hadn't expected and see others carrying on as normal. My son spent his first three months in hospital and although at the time it was awful, the nurses and support from family members got us through. He is now 10 and currently sat next to me on the sofa watching a film and those long days in hospital are barely a memory. You'll have your 'taking your baby home' experience, it'll just be a bit delayed and a bit different from other people's. You have a special baby who needs you more than anything else and you're doing an amazing job just being there for him. Thinking of you both x

KathArtic · 21/01/2017 19:44

I was talking to a nurse the other day and she was stressing the importance of skin to skin contact in the early days - hope you are able to have lots of skin-cuddles for you and a big fluffy for baby

Original poster

DoubleCarrick · 22/01/2017 13:42

You are all so reassuring, thankyou.

Visiting hours are very restricted due to a flu outbreak so it's been pretty lonely. I have friends and family bringing food though so that's very appreciated! I've lost 15lb since having baby 15 days ago but who knows how much of that is down to stress vs losing baby weight.

He was taken off oxygen yesterday evening and had a few hours back on overnight. Has now been off oxygen since 3am and doing well.

The current theory is that he might be inhaling his milk so is basically being treated for reflux now. I think it's a separate issue to his chest infection last week though. He's starting to get fussy and is also starting to wake himself for feeds so it's clear that he's getting better.

I'm looking forward to getting home and cuddling up with dh! I really miss normality! You guys are right, there's no care for a mum recovering from childbirth on the children's ward. Hourly observations give no chance for sleep. Thank goodness dh is doing nights! He literally sleeps all day and stays up all night

OP posts:

mum2Bomg · 22/01/2017 16:18

So good to hear he's doing better x

Whatsername17 · 22/01/2017 17:43

Carrick I'm so sorry you are going through this. I've been thinking about you. It must be so scary but you and your dh sound like you are coping amazingly well. I really hope you get some answers soon and that he can come home asap. You will get through this and your bond as a family will be even stronger. I saw on the posifrickentive thread you asked about me - thanks for that; really sweet given all you are going through. I had my little girl on Friday. We've called her Willow. Xx

SparkyStar84 · 22/01/2017 17:49

So sorry to hear about DS

You're not being in the least bit unreasonable, you are on an emotional roller coaster with added hormones.

I hope and pray you get answers and see an improvement soon. I can't begin to imagine what you are going through.

I honestly can't imagine anyone saying you're in the least bit unreasonable.

AppleMagic · 22/01/2017 17:57

Ds2 was in the NICU for two weeks after birth. I was discharged on day 2 so had to leave him in the hospital overnight. It was a tough time but now he's been home 7 weeks and I already don't think about it. Even now at 9 weeks he's still like a newborn really so chance are you'll still get plenty of newborn time when he's out.

I do remember how every day drags though and it feels like one step forward one step back. We spent most of the second week feeling like he's ever come home then everything improved very quickly and his discharge came as a bit of a shock because I was so institutionalised.

Bibblewanda · 22/01/2017 18:01

Nothing to add but sending to you.

mrsknackered · 22/01/2017 18:25

I know baby is on the mend but just wanted to say YANBU.
You've been through childbirth, have all these hormones flying through your body and have been thrown into a really difficult part of parenting all in a couple of weeks.
I have an 8 week old and he was hospitalised for a week with sepsis at a few weeks old and it is truly awful and like you lots of people seemed to be having a much easier ride than I was.
I hope it all goes well from here! Sounds positive so far and well done you for keeping it together.

deeedeee I too had the problem of them constantly waking him up sound asleep (and when he wasn't sleeping he was crying in pain) to move him back into the cot. By the 3rd night, I really had had enough and signed a disclaimer so I couldn't sue if anything happened.
The nurse made me feel shitty about it but we did have much better nights after that!

Original poster

DoubleCarrick · 24/01/2017 06:52

So last night was our first night home with baby. I was terrified to put him down. I held him all day yesterday and until half 10 last night when dh took him off me, promising not to put him down as long as I got some sleep. I slept till 2 when dh brought him back to me, fed him, held him for two hours and then finally put him down. I've just slept for two hours, as has baby and I'll just build my confidence from there. I've just fed him again and really don't want to put him back down. I'm scared that if I put him down and he refluxes then he'll inhale it again and hurt his lungs more. He doesn't reflux when he's being held

OP posts:

Afreshstartplease · 24/01/2017 07:01

Bless you op! Great news that baby is home. I think it's normal to be anxious about things happening again. Do you have a mw/Hv visiting you at home?

SadMummyToday · 24/01/2017 07:11

Op so glad you have your lovely baby home with you. Could you try a sling to save your arms, I've heard they can help with reflux.
I think 20 minutes upright after a feed was considered enough for the milk to go down but not 100%. We barely put our ds down for the first 2 weeks tbh and it's good for them to be held and cuddled when they're so tiny. Me and ds used to lie in bed skin on skin with a blanket over us and dh would sit 'guard' as I would always fall asleep and was scared I'd roll over - it's a good way to get some sleep

mintyneb · 24/01/2017 07:16

I saw your post just now and thought I'd throw in my experience but see you're back home now. That's fantastic!

But in case you're still worrying about bonding here's a bit of my story. DD spent nearly 8 weeks in nicu following a hospital birth at term. She had surgery at 3 days old and I went nearly a week without being able to hold her. Even after that she was covered in cannulas and monitors so all I could do most of the time was stroke her cheek and sing to her. She needed further surgery at 6 weeks old and was on pain relief for 24 hours. Even so she was still unsettled and whilst sleeping would be whimpering every now and then. When she did that I would stroke her cheek and say 'mummy's here' and instantly she was calmed and reassured. The nurses was so impressed with the effect that simple gesture had on her.

So I just wanted to say that even in a stark hospital environment you still can create strong bonds. I know the experience will stay with you for a long time but I don't think DS will have missed out on anything.

Good luck with everything

Original poster

DoubleCarrick · 24/01/2017 08:17

Even after two hours he'll easily spray milk out of his nose. I get the impression his reflux is pretty bad. He's on meds and Gaviscon and it has helped somewhat.

I think the midwife is coming out to see me today, hopefully!

Thankyou for sharing your story minty, it gives me hope

OP posts:

sundaysunday · 25/01/2017 09:48

Just wanted to send a quick msg of support Carrick We 'met' briefly on the pregnant after MC thread (I was known as sundayraspberry back then) and what you are going through is v similar to what happened to me and DS shortly after his birth.

We were readmitted due to feeding issues, got admitted onto a children's ward as there was no space on the postnatal ward (spent 3 nights on a fold out camp bed with a 4th degree tear! Ouch!). Anyway my DS was also later diagnosed with reflux so just wanted to tell you our story in case it helps in any way.

We found gaviscon did nothing to help the reflux and just made him constipated but ranitidine works really well. It took about 2 weeks on the meds before we noticed an improvement in symptoms. DS has been taking ranitidine for 6 months now and keeps reflux under control very well although the dosage needs upping regularly as he puts on weight.

I was also very worried in the early days about him choking when he was asleep but he always seems to sleep with his head turned to the side slightly and anything he sicked up just dribbled out. Propping the head of the cot up with some books helped a little too and made me feel more relaxed about putting him to sleep on his back.

I'm glad to read you are home with him now and I hope you can get some more rest. Try (if you can) to put the rough start to one side and think of having him home again as a beginning. I spent too long brooding over the crappy start we had and nearly sent myself into PND territory. Look after yourself too x

Original poster

DoubleCarrick · 26/01/2017 08:48

Thankyou for sharing your story Sunday. It helps to know I'm not alone.

Starting to relax now. Can't believe he's 21 days old tomorrow! I feel like the newborn time has been stolen from me. I'm only just starting to enjoy cuddles now!

OP posts:

Euripidesralph · 26/01/2017 09:01

I'm so sorry op I had to do that bit as well and it's heartbreaking, we also went through a period where we didn't know what was wrong and there are no words for the fear and anxiety and the feeling that a part of you is physically missing

Huge good thought and hugs. ...and hopefully it will help that when ds2 finally got discharged as much as it was hard missing that first bit he is now healthy and happy (and currently trying to throw his bottle at me and laughing ) once they are through you get trough it ....I promise

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread