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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to reply to an expupil's email?

70 replies

Wallace19 · 17/01/2017 22:52

Hi, genuinely have no idea if this is allowed, I really don't want to ask my senior in case they take it the wrong way. I am not a teacher, but am an assistant in pastoral, but do admin work also.

About 6 years ago I worked very closely with a pupil and it was really upsetting when they left (never quite knew what was going on with her, unfortunately, she never said much, but would always speak to me, it's so rewarding things like that) anyway... She sent me an email (school email) when she left letting me know what she was going to be doing at college, but I didn't answer it, as I felt it was just too close to her actually being a pupil. She was 16 too and everything was always through her parent, and I remember telling her parent how I'll look forward to knowing how they all get on (I was quite involved with family too but it was v complicated) never heard from parent since (didn't really expect to) but have received a really lovely email this week (she must be about 22 now) telling me she has just graduated and hasn't forgotten the support I gave her. I'm just wondering if I am allowed to answer it? It is probably really obvious but I have never been told about things like this. Obviously have with pupils at the school and like I said, I never answered the previous one. However, what about this one? It's not like it would go through her parent now (which I know I would be able to answer) as she is a young adult.

Thank you.

OP posts:

Whatsername17 · 18/01/2017 02:11

I email my year 11s through my school email (about coursework/reminders/exam calender for my subject). Work emails are monitored so it is fine. Like with any email, correspond as a professional but let her know how proud you are of her. A friendly email is completely fine and much more transparent than a letter as it is traceable. Adding to social media accounts would be a no no though.

Terraviva · 18/01/2017 03:19

Have only read the first page, but answer it... Definitely answer it

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 18/01/2017 11:17

I'm FB friends with some of my old teachers - I'm in my late 30s and still can't call them anything other than Mrs X

We have an alumni group set up and go on theatre trips and so on.

Passmethecrisps · 18/01/2017 11:44

I don't have a supervisor and I don't discuss cases by number. Some environments work differently.

Clandestino · 18/01/2017 12:02

Why would this even be an issue unless you fancy her? Do you?

Wow. What a nasty bitchy thing to say.

Reply and be proud that you had such an impact on someone's life that they are updating you on their progress through life. It's really lovely.

Wonderflonium · 18/01/2017 12:04

You can totally answer this email in good conscience. She'll be so happy to hear back from you.

Aeroflotgirl · 18/01/2017 12:15

I am glad you are going to answer it, she is now an adult so not an issue. I don't think it was when she was 16. You could have wished her luck and hope the best for her future.

Lemon12345 · 18/01/2017 12:17

Another one saying I can't see why this would be an issue... but IMO I'd check with the head of the school just in case it breaches some crappy policy somewhere. Once you have the heads okay then you don't have to worry at all.

So nice that she has got in touch, and I'm sure it would mean a lot to her to have a response.

If for some daft reason the head says it's against policy then I would ask the head to respond to the email telling the poor girl just that, rather than her thinking her email has been ignored again. I think ignoring it (whilst I understand why) the first time was just a bit rude. Surely you and the head could of decided on a reply that was safe together, along the lines of 'whilst it is lovely to hear how well you are doing and all of us here at x school are pleased you are doing 1, 2 and 3 I'm afraid it is against school policy for any member of staff to respond personally or encourage a personal relationship with current or previous students' and the head could of signed it or someone else.

Bushymuffmum · 18/01/2017 12:24

Of course answer it - it sounds like she wants you to know what a great influence you have been in her life. I did the same for my science teacher, a woman, she was amazing and helped me through a very hard time when my father died. I don't see why it should be any different because you're a man.
You sound like a great teacher btw.

OpheliaHamlet · 18/01/2017 12:36

Of course answer it! I think it it would be quite disconcerting (if I was her) to send such a lovely email and to be met with silence

RachelRagged · 18/01/2017 12:38

Aww,, answer it OP .

How lovely of her to still think of you fondly enough to let you know how she is doing , ,, and what a testament to your self she cares enough

iamaliar · 18/01/2017 12:39

YANBU

MrsJayy · 18/01/2017 12:44

Aww answer it you obviously had a huge impact on her school life and that has carried on.
Adult dd had an amazing teacher she now has teacher on facebook she was a lovely woman and supported Dd through a lot of stuff im really grateful the time and energy she gave to Dd and i see her liking on Dds statuses about her college course and feel all warm and fuzzy

Lifegavemelemons · 18/01/2017 12:47

Answer it.

I'm in my 60's and still in touch with someone who taught me, I'm also in touch with a couple of my own ex students. She's an adult thanking you for something very positive you did in her life.

HelenaGWells · 18/01/2017 12:49

That's fine as you're no longer in a position of trust or influence over her. If she was under 18 and at your school still, it would be bad. Under 18 and at another school - dodgy. Over 18 and not at any school - not a problem.

This. As far as I'm aware school safeguarding policies wouldn't apply once a former pupil is over 18 and out of education. They are in place to protect children and teens, not adults.

viques · 18/01/2017 13:05

Please answer it, don't refer to her past problems but congratulate her on her degree and tell her you are delighted for her.

you never know when an ex pupil will pop up, I had a tyre replaced by an ex pupil and he didn't charge me for it!!!!

Oldraver · 18/01/2017 15:11

Oh I think it's lovely she has remembered your kindness

GlitterNails · 18/01/2017 15:33

I sent a similar email to a teacher when I graduated thanking them for inspiring my interest in the subject. I would have been upset if he hadn't have replied - which he did.

Ev1lEdna · 18/01/2017 15:36

She's an adult now and out of your care so no conflict with safeguarding issues etc. I would definitely answer it, she will be delighted to hear from you.

Ev1lEdna · 18/01/2017 15:38

I also wanted to say (but accidentally sent my previous post too soon) that it is so lovely she remembers you and wants to tell you how she is. You must have had a big impact on her, so well done you.

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