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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I U to feel this sensitive about ds' interactions?

60 replies

Freakbag · 17/01/2017 14:40

Ds had a friendship day in class, they all made a friendship bracelet and gave it to a friend in their class.

Ds didn't get one, but he gave his to someone. He has a few friends in the small class of 12.

He said he felt sad, then I felt sad for him and feel really awful that he had to sit through all of gis classmates getting them and him not. I can just imagine how he felt.

I'm cross at the teacher for letting this happen.

Do I need a grip?

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 17/01/2017 14:41

Was he the only one not to get a bracelet?

misshelena · 17/01/2017 14:46

How old?

Original poster
Freakbag · 17/01/2017 14:49

Sorry he's 7, in yr2. He's pretty sensitive which is why it has upset me more. He was the only one not to get one, according to him.

OP posts:
pipsqueak25 · 17/01/2017 14:51

depends on the answers to the above, but it was a topic that was always going to favour certain kids, yanbu to feel sad for your ds imo though

pipsqueak25 · 17/01/2017 14:52

surely the teacher could have done something for kids who might have missed out, it's rather awkward if he was the only one.

Original poster
Freakbag · 17/01/2017 14:57

That's what I'm thinking squek.
Plus he made an effort to make a friendship bracelet and has nothing to show for it.

OP posts:
Blueskyrain · 17/01/2017 14:58

If everyone was making just one, then all you need is for one person to receive two bracelets and one would be missed out. Id be surprised if he was the only one, though I can see why maybe he feels like he is.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 17/01/2017 15:02

Yanbu. Poor DS.

What an awkward activity.

Sunnysky2016 · 17/01/2017 15:02

Obviously one child ended up with two then I'm assuming. The teacher should have said that each child is only allowed one to ensure every child had one. Poor kid- I really feel for both of you

Original poster
Freakbag · 17/01/2017 15:03

Yes bluesky true.
He has one friend he calls his best friend in the class, he is at our house a lot, and my ds at his. I always thought he thought ds was his best friend too.
I've decided to be proactive rather than reactive and invite different kids round rather than the same one over and over.

OP posts:
Original poster
Freakbag · 17/01/2017 15:04

It compeletely defeats the object of friendship day as it just made him feel left out.

OP posts:
Mehmehmeh19 · 17/01/2017 15:09

I'd feel exactly the same! Defeats the object of friendship day! Poor ds

harderandharder2breathe · 17/01/2017 15:12

Yanbu, it's not a nice way to do things. At brownies (similar age) we did a "secret friend" thing where they drew names out of a hat and had to be extra nice to that person and then gave them a friendship bracelet at the end of the pack holiday. The teacher could've predicted that some children wouldn't get one (as pp said all it takes is 1 child to get 2) and it's not a nice feeling to be left out. They're only 7

misshelena · 17/01/2017 15:41

You should say something to the teacher. Don't be harsh, just let her know the activity made ds sad. Maybe a little modification, like make easy cards, as many as you like to give out. That way hopefully everyone gets at least one.

Good idea to have a bigger circle of friends. The concept of "bestie" is just stupid.

Original poster
Freakbag · 17/01/2017 15:44

Yes it is mrs I've never had a bestie

OP posts:
melj1213 · 17/01/2017 16:05

Tbh it sounds like the teacher organised this badly. I have done similar projects for friendship day/peace day etc and it has always been " We're going to create something for a friend" but we'd have a discussion at the beginning of the session that the point was for everyone to end up with something so your craft might not go to your best friend but you should still make the effort as we are all supposed to be friendly to everyone.

Then at the end of the session every child would come up in turn (I had a system with every kids name on a shiny glass pebble in a jar, so if I needed a kid to do something then I'd pull one out and they would do the task - made it fair & nobody got missed out) when I pulled their name out, and give their craft to someone else, with a limit of one each, reminding them of our discussion at the start of the session. Then once everyone had handed out a craft I'd check that every kid had received something before we left the classroom to stop this very issue.

I'd definitely have a word with the teacher, to make them aware of your kid's disappointment and also to stop it happening again in future.

Katy07 · 17/01/2017 16:16

I'd definitely have a word with the teacher, to make them aware of your kid's disappointment and also to stop it happening again in future.
^^ This. It probably hasn't occurred to the teacher but if they're made aware then they know for the future.

Original poster
Freakbag · 17/01/2017 18:36

Thanks. I'm glad I'm not over reacting and being a typical pfb mum.
Although I'd likely feel the same with dd2.
I have parents evening next week so will bring it up then.

OP posts:
confusedandemployed · 17/01/2017 18:39

Oh this would cut me up too. Your poor DS. I think the teacher handled this very badly.

user1477282676 · 17/01/2017 18:44

What a stupid thing for the teacher to organise! It would take the SMALLEST amount of foresight to see this happening! Angry Is the teacher very young?

Not that that's an excuse! surely they're taught how to plan decent activities when they train! This sort of thing makes me so angry! Poor DS...I hope he forgets all about this soon.

Strongmummy · 17/01/2017 18:52

Definitely give this feedback to the teacher. You've hit the nail on the head when you say it's made a child feel very lonely on friendship day

JockTamsonsBairns · 17/01/2017 18:53

Your poor Ds, he must've felt very excluded. I don't think you're overreacting at all.
Last year, when dd2 was in Y2, the class had to draw a picture of the person they liked most in the class and describe why Hmm. These pictures and descriptions were then proudly displayed on the wall in the corridor outside the class. One girl had at least six or seven drawings of herself, with captions all very much along the lines of 'I like Ellie best because she is very pretty / has lovely long hair etc. It was such an awful exercise, and one which I could see no benefit of at all. I guess it just made the more popular kids feel good, while providing a very public display of the kids whom nobody 'liked best'.

Original poster
Freakbag · 17/01/2017 18:53

No user she's been teaching the for the past 20yrs, has had 4 of her own children too, all grown up now.

I hope he forgets too. I'm not going to mention it to him again. I'm also taking comfort in the fact that he does indeed have friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
Freakbag · 17/01/2017 18:59

jock that sounds awful. I too hate activities like this.

I work in an educational residential setting with visiting schools. They are with us for a few days doing activities, each child is there to challenge themselves and learn. But sometimes at the end of the few days a teacher will pick out a certain memeber or members of the group (in front of the whole group) who they think has worked exceptionally hard, who has done their best. I hate this type of teacher. Yes they've bigged a few children up but at the same time they've made every other child feel like they weren't doing their best.

OP posts:
FeralBeryl · 17/01/2017 19:00

Sad I don't think you're being remotely PFB about it. My DS is the same age and very sensitive and this would really upset him too.
If you like - pm me your address and we'll happily post him one.
I would certainly mention it to the teacher - as you say it's had completely the opposite effect to the day's intention!

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